


Sorrowful Wind

by JJBlue1



Category: Joker Game (Anime)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Notes at the end to explain the tons of stuffs I researched for this fic, References to D no Maou, References to dark parts of history, References to the novel version
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 06:10:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 74,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10551392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJBlue1/pseuds/JJBlue1
Summary: August 15, 1945. The war ended and some people have to decide what to do with the rest of their life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I tried my hardest at researching everything properly for this fic and at portraying the guys in a fitting manner. Still, this part of history isn’t my ground of expertise so I might have ended up on failing badly. If it turns out that’s the case, I humbly apologize.
> 
> Also, this fic probably would have never had birth without the wonderful people in the Joker Game fandom who take so much time sharing with us, poor not Japanese speakers, Joker Game information. Yes, I’m talking about you, imayooshi, lookslikerainydays, kyuukancorbie, pk5u, sekinosemimaru, paranoid-rhythm, great-blaster and all the other awesome people I forgot to mention but to whom I’m still deeply grateful for sharing their knowledge. Thank you a lot. Truly. …Now I really hope I won’t make you regret all your hard work for the fandom… ^_^;

He closed his eyes tiredly as his mind went back to what had happened at noon.

The audio reception had been poor and filled with statics and people had tried to press closer to the radio to better hear that high pitched voice speaking in a highly formal language studded with ornamental classical phrases, its enunciation stilted. He thought it would be hard to make out what such formal language truly meant after the years he spent among people who spoke a much more informal and poor one and yet something inside him had no problem to decipher it, the words speaking straight to his soul.

_‘To Our good and loyal subjects…’_

He had no clear idea what he expected the voice to say. He had no idea what the Arahitogami could tell them at that point. He had never hoped he would get to hear His voice, even if it was through a radio. He felt ashamed to be there, listening to it, painfully aware of how things were going on the battleground, painfully aware their only option was fight until the bitter end, afraid that, if the Arahitogami had felt the need to speak to them personally, it was only to scold them for their failures. He had failed Him. He had no idea how he could do more than what he did, but it still didn’t erase the fact he failed Him and, with Him, his country and all the people he wanted to protect.

_‘For example, if Japan lost the war…’_

Back then, the idea of losing had seemed so absurd… but in the past days he’d only hoped he won’t be alive to see the inevitable becoming reality.

_‘…We have decided to effect a settlement of the present situation by resorting to an extraordinary measure…’_

Extraordinary measure. What could they do more? They moved even closer to the radio, pressing against each other, straining to hear, hoping against hope that there was still something they could do to turn the tide, that the Kamikaze wind would blow in their favour.

_‘…Despite the best that has been done by everyone – the gallant fighting of the military and naval forces…’_

The scolding he expected didn’t come and the praises hurt even more. He didn’t deserve them. He…

_‘…the war situation has developed not necessarily to Japan's advantage…’_

If Miyoshi had been alive he would have said it was the understatement of the century. To him instead, it only felt like a dark shadow that caused him to shudder. He didn’t know yet what the Arahitogami wanted to tell them… but a side of him had figured out and his rational brain was only doing his best to ignore what he logically knew already. That couldn’t be what the Arahitogami would tell them. It simply couldn’t.

_‘…This is the reason why We have ordered the acceptance of the provisions of the Joint Declaration of the Powers…’_

He swallowed, his head spinning. He had no idea what that Joint Declaration of the Powers was but he could imagine it. He heard the voice going on but the words now came disjointed to him. He knew what they meant he was just rejecting them.

_‘…The thought of those officers and men as well as others who have fallen in the fields of battle, those who died at their posts of duty, or those who met with untimely death and all their bereaved families, pains Our heart night and day….’_

Faces, friends he would never see again, corpses lying on the ground, blending, broken in pieces, or dying of septicaemia in some med camp, faces sunken with hunger, anger, desperation, fear, madness…

_‘…The hardships and sufferings to which Our nation is to be subjected hereafter will be certainly great. We are keenly aware of the inmost feelings of all of you, Our subjects…’_

_‘Are you really?’_ A traitorous part of his mind whispered. No salvation would come from the Arahitogami. No salvation because the living God wasn’t a God after all.

_‘…You said that the Emperor is a living god? The Japanese really are good at saying these things, the title has only been of use in the recent decade. Before the Meiji era, people outside of Kyoto had already forgotten about the existence of the Emperor. It must be troubling to him too, to be suddenly treated and worshipped as a ‘living god’…’_

All lies, propaganda, lies in which he ultimately decided to believe because they gave him the strength to go on because otherwise… for whom he was fighting? For whom he was living? When all was said and done, if they were to take away from him his beliefs… what would remain of him? How could he sustain himself? He didn’t remember anymore. He didn’t remember anymore what it meant _‘living’_ after the years spent on the battlefront, after having been kicked there in the hope they’ll get rid of him. He survived to spite them, and yet he believed in their lies to find the strength to sustain himself as he walked through hell. Maybe it would have been better if he’d died instead… so that for him that day would have never come…

_‘…However, it is according to the dictates of time and fate that We have resolved to pave the way for a grand peace for all the generations to come by enduring the unendurable and suffering what is unsufferable…’_

They had lost. They were surrendering. That was what His Excellency the Emperor was telling them. Enduring the unendurable and suffering what is unsufferable. The voice spoke more, Sakuma listened to it but the words were now all blurred in his mind, jumbled.

He didn’t quite remember what had happened afterward or how he had ended where he was. The sun was shining brightly and warmly that day but to him the world was all dark and cold.

The war had ended.

The war had ended and he was still alive but he felt dead inside. Empty. He had no idea how he was supposed to enduring the unendurable and suffering the unsufferable. He wasn’t sure what it meant. He simply couldn’t think. The world… it felt so wrong right then, so terribly unbearable as he sat on the ground, his back leaning on some half crumbled wall. It was like sinking, sinking in slow motion and being unable to stop. He needed to cling on something, he needed…

His left hand came into contact with the Tsuka of his Katana as if this was the only support he could find in his utter confusion. He unlatched the Saya from his belt, pulled the sword in front of himself as his right hand came to grip the Tsuka and then, slowly, pulled the Katana partly out of its Saya. He stared at it, at the half unsheathed blade, saw the light of the sun partially shining on it. No great revelation came from the reflected light, just disjointed memories of when he’d been about to use that blade against himself.

_‘I said that if we search his house and don’t find anything, you’ll cut your own stomach open right here, First Lieutenant.’_

_‘There wasn’t anything here for us to find in the first place!’_

_‘What’s the matter, Captain? Is it show time now?’_

Was it show time right then? Was that what he was supposed to do?

_‘Those who know shame are weak. Always think of preserving the honour of your community and be a credit to yourself and your family. Redouble your efforts and respond to their expectations. Never live to experience shame as a prisoner. By dying you will avoid leaving a stain on your honour.’_

_‘Die,’_ everything seemed to whisper around him. _‘Die and erase the shame of having lived till the day of Japan’s defeat, erase the shame of having been unable to prevent it. Just die. What are you living for anyway? What were you living for anyway?’_

He had no idea if Kazu and Koji were still alive… or what remained of his family for the matter. Most of his other friends from the Army had been sent on the battlefront. Who knew if some of them were still alive. He had heard Miyoshi died five years ago in a train incident. _‘Don’t die, don’t kill’._ One couldn’t stop train incidents from happening though. It would have been ironic if it hadn’t hurt him so deeply. He had no idea what happened to the others that still were working under the Lieutenant Colonel.

His thoughts went to the men under him, those that were still alive… but he felt he couldn’t bear to face them. He’d failed them. He managed to keep them alive but… had he kept them alive so they would come to see that day?

He’d been sent on the battlefront to die. He had stubbornly resisted to the unvoiced order of his superior officers… and had survived. It had been a mistake… a mistake he was going to correct.

“Are you really going to commit Harakiri so you can brag with your former comrades at Yasukuni Jinja? Really, what a powerful sardine head…”

The words and the tone in which they were said were so familiar they caused something inside him to ache, that pain filling his previously empty soul. The voice which said all that through… was unknown, too young to belong to the one person from whom he would expect such words.

He turned his head to his left to gaze at the speaker, nothing more than a small child, feeling misery wash over him at the confirmation that no, the speaker hadn’t been the one from whom he wanted to hear such words. He couldn’t see the child’s face clearly though, the sun being low on the horizon and right behind the child.

It had been noon when the radio broadcast had taken place but now the sun was so low in the sky it clearly told him hours had gone by, hours he had no memory of.

“Go back home, kid. This… isn’t going to be a show suitable for you…” he found himself saying, voice raw and a strange soreness in his throat. He had known for five years. He had thought he got used to the idea of Miyoshi being dead, of knowing that, if they were to meet again it would only be in another life. Then a random kid came and said words that sounded like the ones he would say and he… he…

“It’s real what they say then. Tautology. _‘With enough faith, you can worship a sardine’s head.’_ It was supposed to be no different from a new religion though. The world changed. Why can’t you let it go?”

“Ta-tautology?” he echoed. Which normal small child talks in such a manner? Which normal small child has a vague idea of what tautology is? Which normal…

_‘In our next seven lives… let’s spend time talking about tautology and the Tennosei system and… whatever we couldn’t in this one. In our next seven lives…’_

He swallowed. When he’d said whose words before leaving for the front… he had assumed those next seven lives were far ahead, after the both of them had died… he had assumed… No, he was going crazy, this couldn’t be…

“Little thief! I’ve finally caught you! Now I’ll teach you stealing my apples!” The yelling voice cut rudely through Sakuma’s thoughts. He didn’t quite get the sense of the words at first, he only saw an angry man brandishing a pitchfork toward the kid and…

He had always been fast with the sword, the best at Battōjutsu during his Academy time or so some used to whisper. He didn’t believe he would still be good at it, the new style of war had little place for swords and yet, the next he knew was he had fully unsheathed his katana and cut the wand of the pitchfork in a half before it could befall on the child.

He straightened himself, the child now securely held in the crock of his left arm, pressed against himself as his blade was still aimed toward the attacker while his eyes stared coldly at the man and he realized he found hard to hold back.

This guy in front of him who now was trembling in fear… should be a Japanese farmer, not a Chinese enemy. He was sworn to protect his compatriots… but years of war had imprinted inside him the idea that if a man raised a weapon in his direction he’s an enemy and enemies had to be destroyed.

“He… he’s a little thief…” the man stammered. “Officer… I meant you no harm, he was my target, he…”

“He’s but a child,” he found himself hissing low. His heart was beating so loudly he could hear it in his ears, and he was panting, fighting down the instinct that was screaming to put down the one in front of him. _‘Enemy. Enemy. Kill the enemy…’_ a voice whispered, a voice he’d heard so many times through the battles. _‘Kill the enemy or you’ll be the one who’ll get killed…’_

“He steals my apples! Continuously! I’ve to survive too, Officer! He…”

“I only took the one who fell down. You’re just being a Scrooge,” the child protested unnaturally calm, even if he did it from the safe shelter that Sakuma offered, one of the apples in question in his tiny hands. 

Scrooge. Which small Japanese child knows about the characters of _‘A Christmas carol’_?

“Sukurūji? What the hell are you calling me little brat?” The farmer sounded so very enraged now, enough to make a step toward them and forget Sakuma’s blade in between them. Really, that kid even had that person’s same talent to make people furious as well as his calm tone...

“I wouldn’t step further if I were in you. No one will blame me for striking down a man who tried to attack a Japanese Imperial Soldier,” he warned, reminding the farmer of their situation. The man turned his attention on him now… and on the blade between them, before glancing at the little kid with hate. Sakuma tried not to picture the expression the little one in his arms should have… as he had the feeling he knew it painfully well.

“Officer…” the farmer tried to insist and he probably wasn’t in the wrong. Actually Sakuma was starting to be pretty sure the farmer was the victim here. He’d been the victim of a certain someone long enough to know well what he could do… only no, this child wasn’t that person so… so…

“Lieutenant Colonel! Thanks heavens I’ve found you!” Tobisaki’s voice was filled with relief as he called him. Oh yes, he probably left without giving explanation and Tobisaki should have figured out what he might end up on doing and…

“What’s going on, Lieutenant Colonel?” The soldier moved closer to him, gazing the farmer suspiciously. The farmer back walked, feeling his position worsening now that Sakuma had backup. His back walking helped Sakuma relax as well, helped him to see the man not as a threat, an enemy, but just as the person he was, an enraged farmer who had just seen a kid stealing his apples. Sakuma exhaled slowly and tried to find the calm that one of his ranking should have.

“Captain. Pay one apple to this man and then let’s be done with this mess,” he ordered. He was more relaxed but he wasn’t ready to lower his sword yet. He’ll return the money to Tobisaki later. Tobisaki looked at him, then at the farmer, then back at him.

“As you order,” he said anyway, though he still sounded a little unsure.

“That brat stole from me more than one apple!” the farmer tried to protest.

“Don’t push your luck,” Sakuma warned, his voice cold, then swallowed again. It was a farmer. It was just a farmer, not an enemy.

“Attacking a Lieutenant Colonel is a crime big enough to warrant the death sentence. Is this what you want?” Tobisaki warned the farmer before pushing the money in his hand. “Take this and leave.” It was actually more than the one that would cover up the expense for an apple… the farmer didn’t seem as starved as the other people Tobisaki saw, likely being a farmer had helped him to get some food in his stomach… but still… those were hard times… and they had just failed all those people.

The farmer took the money, glared at the kid in the Lieutenant Colonel’s arms and left. Tobisaki turned to look at the Lieutenant Colonel as well and at the child he’d been protecting who was… a tiny, dirty mess with ruffled hair and ragged clothes, really. He saw the man collecting back the Saya he evidently tossed away and, after making the Katana spin with a practiced motion of his wrist, he sheathed it before securing the Saya at his belt again. He didn’t put down the child though, and this was puzzling. Defending a kid was a good thing in Tobisaki’s books but… why was the Lieutenant Colonel still holding him in his arms?

He saw the man gently turning the child’s head toward him, so as to gaze straight in that tiny face, his expression softening even though Tobisaki could see it was laced with pain.

“You can put me down now. I don’t need to be carried,” the kid said gruffly, turning away his gaze so as to avoid making eye contact. There was something in that tone that was familiar, though the voice wasn’t, but Tobisaki couldn’t quite place what. After all it wasn’t like he could know the kid. He’d been away from his motherland for 6 years and that child was so tiny it simply wasn’t possible he’d been born before he left, though the way he spoke didn’t fit to a child that young.

“Little thieves are usually arrested, do you know that?” the Lieutenant Colonel countered with a bittersweet smile. “And that guy didn’t seem overly fond of you. You might end up in troubles on your own.”

“I’m not a thief. He was mistaken,” the child assured smoothly in a calm tone. A lie, Tobisaki’s training in D Agency told him, but almost perfectly said. Considering the kid’s age… well, it was impressive, but Tobisaki had heard somewhere that children can easily persuade themselves that their own lies are truth and turn into smooth liars that aren’t even aware anymore they aren’t telling the truth…

“I’m sure,” the Lieutenant Colonel agreed with the sort of sigh he always used when he wasn’t buying something, someone else was telling him. Only there was a sort of fondness in that sigh that had been missing in the Lieutenant Colonel’s sighs by… years really. “You’re remaining in my custody anyway,” the man stated and Tobisaki blinked. **WHAT?!** Were they keeping the kid?

“Lieutenant Colonel?” he found himself saying forgetting that really, he shouldn’t question his superior officer. Not that the Lieutenant Colonel would mind it.

“Do we have some sort of orders?” the man asked in reply.

“Orders? Everything is a mess, Lieutenant Colonel. The Colonel…” _‘…killed himself,’_ Tobisaki was about to say then decided it wasn’t a good idea to voice such thought. It might give fuel to certain ideas he knew the Lieutenant Colonel had about how to deal with defeats. If Tobisaki could, he would like to help the man remain alive and not waste his life unnecessarily. “The Colonel isn’t in the condition to give orders any longer. It’s clear though, we aren’t expected to go back in China anytime soon. Likely never again.”

Tobisaki thought back to the Emperor's message at the radio. Once his voice was gone, the radio didn’t fell silent. An announcer went on speaking, stating that _‘The Japanese military will be disarmed and allowed to return to Japan.’_ The Army was no more now. Tobisaki wondered if the Lieutenant Colonel just didn’t remember that part or hadn’t remained there long enough to hear it. People had been a mess after that radio transmission and, even if Tobisaki wasn’t as involved with the whole _‘state religion’_ as the Lieutenant Colonel was… well, the whole thing has been a big blow for him as well. He still needed time to… rationalize it and figure out what to do with his life.

“I see…” the Lieutenant Colonel commented. If he had figured out what Tobisaki hadn’t wanted to tell him, he didn’t say it. He just looked down at the one in his arms, as if thinking what to do with him instead than just dropping him and letting him go his way. “Where are your parents?” he asked the child in the end. It was a good question, Tobisaki thought. They were talking of a small child, after all, and those were difficult, harsh times. Knowing where his parents were would probably allow them to safely return the kid to the ones that were expected to care for him…

“I’m already four. I don’t need _‘parents’_ to look after me. I can do just fine without that stuff you call _‘family’_.” The tone was probably meant to sound annoyed, almost affronted, the way a certain someone would sound when Sakuma were to make a stupid question but… there was something lost and miserable the kid didn’t manage to fully cover as he obstinately kept his gaze lowered and struggled a little in Sakuma’s grasp, as if trying to get free, forcing Sakuma to have to better adjust his hold on that little slippery thing, or the child would probably manage to escape him. He had restrained men bigger and stronger than this little kid so he could technically keep him trapped… but he didn’t want to hurt him and this was making things more troublesome.

“Kid. No matter what you did, I promise you won’t end up in troubles. I just want to know where they are, okay?” he asked again, trying to keep his tone gentle even though his voice was heavy with weariness. The gentle tone seemed to work, as the child finally stilled, though he still refused to meet his gaze.

“Dunno. Who cares? If they left me on my own it’s obvious I can handle things by myself, isn’t it? Besides grown up make me want to throw up, so it’s better if I live on my own.” Disgust and bitterness in that young voice were mixed with loneliness and helplessness in a rather pathetic manner, making obvious that his attempt at self confidence was just a farce. This wasn’t going to be as simple as Sakuma had hoped. There was no one apparently to return the child to. The little boy had either ended up orphaned or he had been abandoned and now it was up to Sakuma to decide if he also would dump him somewhere and wash his hands clean with him. As if that was even an option.

“All right, you’re a big boy and you’ve been very good to take care of yourself up till now…” he trailed off deliberately. “I think I don’t know your name…” he admitted. There was no reply at first. Sakuma though hadn’t truly expected one, he wasn’t that good at prodding people to speak. Then he caught the kid peeking at him quickly before lowering his eyes again.

“Katsuhiko.” He said it so softly Sakuma almost didn’t hear him.

“Katsuhiko,” he repeated, just to make himself sure he got it right. That name told nothing to him. That person’s given name… well it had been Hiro… but that too, as his surname, had been a fake name given to him by D Agency. Katsuhiko might have been his real name… or not. Who exactly knew how this sort of things worked? He had no idea if there were rules that said that one needed to be reborn with his own name… which Sakuma didn’t know anyway so it would have been useless just the same. Besides… maybe he was just deluding himself with this whole reborn thing so… so… “It’s a nice name. Katsuhiko,” he ended up saying, softly. This got him another quick peek from the kid.

“You’ll write it with the Kanji for skilful and the old one for boy,” he then supplied, his tone still quiet but a little less gruff, and Sakuma figured those additional info came due to Sakuma’s comment pleasing him… or maybe he shared that person’s trait to add unnecessary details to whatever he said.

Tobisaki blinked at that, moving closer, so as to give little Katsuhiko a good look.

“It’s… rare for a child your age to know with which Kanji his name is written,” he stated, studying the bundle in Sakuma’s arms. Katsuhiko turned away from that inquisitive gaze, shifting a bit in Sakuma’s grasp but Sakuma had to admit Tobisaki was right. At his age, at best, a kid could know how to write his name in Hiragana, not Kanji.

“Do you also know the kanji with whom your family name is written?” Sakuma prodded. The child frowned.

“I told you, I don’t need a _‘family’_ ,” he eventually said.

“Lieutenant Colonel!” Another voice called before Sakuma could say anything. “Tobisaki! Thanks heavens you found him!”

“Ah, Gamō. Here we are,” Tobisaki replied, waving toward the newcomer.

“Has everyone come to search for me?” Sakuma complained, sounding a bit uneasy. Had it been so easy to suspect he wouldn’t take well the news? He didn’t have the time to ponder on this more as he felt the kid trying to take advantage of his distraction to escape from his grasp. Sneaky little thing, that’s why he had quieted down, to make him lower his guard!

“No, don’t,” he told him, managing to secure his hold just a second before the kid would manage to slip away. The child made an irritated sound and gave him a smouldering glare. Sakuma knew that glare and it made him painfully nostalgic.

“What’s that?” Gamō asked eyeing the kid with distaste. “It looks like a street rat…” he grumbled and got a glare from the child in reply.

“Lieutenant Colonel… if he has no parents we should probably put him in the care of some orphanage or something… or in the ones of the police… who knows… his parents might be alive after all…” Tobisaki was looking at the little one suspiciously. Evidently he wasn’t sure the story about him not having parents was true. Which could be, this little one seemed to be a smooth liar yet… if he had someone… that person was obviously not taking proper care of him. The kid was all skin and bones, bruises and scratches marring his pale complexion and he looked like he hadn’t had a bath in ages, his clothes nothing more than dirty rags that didn’t even fit him well and his shoes missing.

“I’m not going to be put in anyone’s care!” the child spat angrily. “I can look after myself!”

“Problem solved. Let’s let this little beggar go on its way and then let’s go search something to eat,” Gamō stated, not showing particular interest in taking care of the little one. The next second Gamō winced as he was hit straight in the head by the apple the kid had stolen.

“I’m not a beggar!” the child shouted, now completely affronted. “I don’t take such accusations from one who can’t even avoid an apple! And you call yourself an imperial soldier? You’re a failure!” Gamō glared at him then moved toward him dangerously. The child should have realized he was at disadvantage because he tried to pull back but couldn’t really go far as Sakuma kept on holding him.

“Little brat, I’ll teach you…”

“All right,” Sakuma cut in, interrupting the Captain. “Since Katsu-chan saved my life I guess I’ll offer him dinner.”

“ **WHAT?** ” Gamō exclaimed. He hadn’t missed how this meant the pest was going to be under the Lieutenant Colonel’s protection.

“ _‘Katsu-chan’_?” Tobisaki echoed in surprise. He didn’t so much mind the child, it was more he pitied him… he knew how harsh it was to be orphans and have no one who cared for you, even if he had never got it as bad as the child apparently had… but this didn’t mean he looked forward to form an emotional bond with him which might lead him to feel responsible for his well being. They would have enough problems in the foreseeable future as things were, they didn’t need a little kid to drag along.

“Dinner?” the child’s eyes light up with interest at Sakuma’s words.

“Dinner,” Sakuma confirmed. If there was something that the war had taught Sakuma, it was that when you had no idea what to do, you’ve to think at taking care of the basic necessities for survival and getting food was one of them. “It would only be proper to thank you like this, wouldn’t it, Katsu-chan?” Besides… during the war he had lot of time to think at all those missed chances for a dinner and now…

“Lieutenant Colonel! It stinks!” Gamō pointed out, which, sadly, was absolutely true. “We can’t bring it to eat somewhere with us! It’ll make us lose face!”

“I do not stink! You’re the one who smells!” Katsu-chan shot back.

“You, little…”

“A visit to the baths would probably do good to all of us,” Sakuma decided. “I think I don’t even remember the last time I had a proper bath so I’d like to enjoy the chance of having one. Won’t you two as well?”

“I don’t mind it…” Tobisaki agreed, though he sounded a bit hesitant as he kept on looking at the child in his arms. “But, Lieutenant Colonel, what are you going to do with…”

“Let’s go search for a Sentō then,” Sakuma cut in, before Tobisaki could end his sentence, then began walking away. He felt the little one in his arms pulling at the coat of his uniform so as to get his attention.

“I don’t need a bath. Let’s go have dinner,” Katsu-chan stated, looking straight at Sakuma. Well… this wasn’t something he would have expected to hear from him. That person… he used to care a lot about how he looked, going so far as to spending ages in front of a mirror.

“You’re covered in dirt. They won’t let you enter anywhere,” Sakuma informed him.

“You’re an imperial soldier, aren’t you? A big shoot since you’re their boss,” the child commented motioning to Tobisaki and Gamō. “Order the people to let me in,” he reasoned. “They’ll have to obey you, won’t they?” Sakuma found himself half smiling. Actually it was more like a pale imitation of a smile but it was genuine and he had no idea he could still feel the wish to smile after all that had happened.

“Don’t tell me a big boy like you is afraid of taking a little bath,” he teased, which made the child glare. “Or are you so hungry you can’t wait?”

“Baths are wet, cold and painful. Whoever would want to have them?” the kid stated darkly, his gaze lost far away for a moment. Sakuma blinked and wondered which sort of experiences this child had with baths. Evidently not nice ones.

“Nobody will dare to hurt you at the Sentō, Katsu-chan,” Sakuma swore. “And we’ll use warm water so it won’t be cold even if I guess there’s no helping for the fact it’ll be wet.”

He saw the child studying him, as if trying to figure out if he was lying or telling the truth.

“I don’t like to be wet,” he said in the end.

“Well, we’ll dry you as soon as we’re done so you won’t stay wet for long. Trust me, this time you’ll like having a nice, warm bath and get all clean, Katsu-chan.” The child gave him a gaze filled with doubt but didn’t insist on speaking against baths.

“Why do you call me _‘that’_?” he said that with such an odd tone that, for a moment, Sakuma wasn’t sure to what he was referring.

“That? Katsu-chan, you mean?” He got a nod in reply. “Katsuhiko is a nice name but it’s a long one. And I’m used to shorten the names of my friends.” The child opened his mouth as to question his words then closed it, as if at loss then…

“If you add _‘-chan’_ is still long,” he pointed out without meeting Sakuma’s gaze.

“Is it a problem if I call you as such?” He got in reply a shrug.

“Nobody does. It’s odd.”

“I see…” Sakuma replied simply. Sakuma knew what Katsu-chan’s words implied but there wasn’t much he could say in regard to this matter. He wondered how Katsu-chan’s parents had gone missing. Had they really abandoned him or had they died due to Sakuma’s inability to protect his homeland?

“Why are we keeping him?” Gamō whispered to Tobisaki in the meantime.

“The Lieutenant Colonel said he saved his life,” Tobisaki offered. Gamō gave him a sceptical glance.

“The best he could have done is trying to steal his Katana as the Lieutenant Colonel was planning to use it against himself,” he commented, shaking his head.

“He’s probably a war orphan. Have pity of him, Gamō,” Tobisaki countered. Gamō turned his gaze away.

“How many orphans do you think this war produced? Life is going to be harsh for them. Many of them likely won’t survive if someone doesn’t constantly support them. Maybe even if someone supports them. These are harsh times,” his voice was tired, bitter. “As I see it, it’s much crueller to offer that little one a free dinner and then let him on his own. To let him assume someone cares if he lives or dies and then discharge him as a toy you got bored playing with… well, this is not kindness. If that little kid were to meet other soldiers… they might not be nice with him as the Lieutenant Colonel plans to be. That’s why you don’t domesticate wild animals. If they get used to someone providing them food… if they stop fearing humans… they only end up being unable to provide themselves and become an easy prey for the hunters. Don’t be kind to him just because it makes you feel better, Tobisaki. That’s irresponsible.”

Tobisaki mulled over Gamō’s words, seeing for the first time a side of him he didn’t know. Previously, in Tobisaki’s eyes Gamō had always looked much colder than him, someone who, despite being capable of being friendly, humble and polite, would actually have no problems at stabbing you repeatedly and then walking away as nothing had happened… if ordered to do so. An Army man trained to kill for his country, who believed in ranking and class distinctions and that had been sent into that hell that war was because he too was expected to die. Like him, like the Lieutenant Colonel, like others that had ended up being in their battalion, they had been tossed on the frontline with the precise aim to discreetly get rid of them. Really, the three of them weren’t supposed to come back alive and it had been merely out of sheer luck and, probably ignorance and mistakes from some higher up, they had been allowed to come back on the mainland, even if it was supposed to be just a temporary thing.

They weren’t meant to leave that port city or remain there for a long time, they actually were supposed to board another boat and go back to China as soon as possible… but now that was out of question. And so here they were, walking through a poor city that had been heavy bombed… though, he thought, Kure, that was the name of the city they were in, probably looked like a heaven on earth compared to the nearby Hiroshima. From what Tobisaki had heard… the city was no more, flattened to the ground by a single bomb, a single explosion whose fire had risen up so high in the air it had taken shape of a giant, poisoning mushroom, clearly visible over the hills that divided it from Hiroshima.

_‘Moreover, the enemy has begun to employ a new and most cruel bomb, the power of which to do damage is, indeed, incalculable, taking the toll of many innocent lives.’_

Even His Majesty the Emperor had mentioned it in his speech, which was frightening in itself. They should have gotten used to cities being flattened by bombs… but Tobisaki never heard of someone reaching such results with just one bomb and head no idea what to think in that regard.

Was it really possible to flatten a city with just one bomb? What would _‘that man’_ say in this regard? Did _‘he’_ knew the Americans had such weapon? Did _‘he’_ try to warn the higher up in the Army? Did they refuse to listen? Would have things gone differently if they had listened to _‘him’_?

_‘First Lieutenant Tobisaki Hiroyuki. Don’t die.’_

He swallowed and tried not to think at all this. He survived. While he had no wish to die… he wasn’t sure surviving was a good thing.

“Are you going to tell the Lieutenant Colonel all this?” he asked instead as a mean to distract himself. Gamō watched the Lieutenant Colonel walk slightly ahead of them, kid still in his arms.

“I own the Lieutenant Colonel my life and my loyalty. If taking care of that child amuses him enough to keep him alive… well, I’m sorry if the kid will be the one to pay the price when the Lieutenant Colonel will grow bored with babysitting him… but I won’t get in between,” Gamō replied with what was meant to be a careless shrug. Still his gaze was dark, haunted. He already had a superior officer who ended up killing himself and abandoning them all to their fate. He’d been a Lieutenant Colonel too and his mentor. And then, all of sudden, Gamō failed him and the man was dead and he and his companions had been tossed away by the Army.

There had been six of them, the best the Army had to offer for such delicate job or so Gamō believed. Now… only he remained and just because, when he too had been about to give up, the Lieutenant Colonel, which at the time wasn’t a Lieutenant Colonel yet, had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and dragged him away from the fire zone when he was just thinking to let himself die there. It could have ended here… but that wasn’t the Lieutenant Colonel style. The man had been stubbornly set on keeping him, and whoever was under him, alive. So there had been scolding and scolding and scolding until the Lieutenant Colonel had beaten into his head Gamō wasn’t allowed to die like that.

If they were to die… it would be because their death would actually be useful to Japan… wasting their lives away by accepting they weren’t meant to return back home alive… well, that wasn’t allowed, it had to be considered a betrayal of their own country.

_‘Don’t die as a pawn used and then cast aside. There’s no honour in such type of death. We’re the limbs of the Arahitogami. How can we protect the state under His command if we allow others needlessly sacrifice His limbs?’_

Now that the war was lost though… he could see how the Lieutenant Colonel was wondering if such limbs were really of some use for the Arahitogami. He could clearly see him thinking that maybe… maybe they weren’t… and so it would be better for the Arahitogami to get rid of them. Still the Lieutenant Colonel had been the man who had kept Gamō alive and given him a reason to survive. Maybe the Lieutenant Colonel was of no use for the Arahitogami… but his life mattered to Gamō. Whatever were to happen… Gamō wanted to preserve it.

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

**1\. The radio transmission:** The radio transmission is **The Jewel Voice Broadcast (玉音放送 Gyokuon-hōsō)** , the radio broadcast in which Japanese Emperor Hirohito read out the **Imperial Rescript on the Termination of the War (大東亜戦争終結ノ詔書 Daitōa-sensō-shūketsu-no-shōsho)** , announcing to the Japanese people that the Japanese Government had accepted the Potsdam Declaration demanding the unconditional surrender of the Japanese military at the end of World War II. This speech was broadcast at noon Japan Standard Time on August 15, 1945. I quoted bits of it as well as how Japanese people said the Emperor’s voice sounded to their ears. Reactions to it varied and ranged from people killing themselves to hoping this means life would return back to normal.

**2\. Arahitogami (現人神):** Literally translates to “living god”, and was exclusively used to refer to the Emperor.

**3\. The quote venting the possibility of Japan losing the war:** That one was from Kaminaga. In Joker Game Ep 1 (but also in the novel) he said that _‘For example, if Japan lost the war, the people would promptly learn to take all their faith and put it in the antithesis of their original beliefs’_. At the time the idea of someone considering the possibility of Japan losing the war shocked Sakuma… but as the war progressed he was forced to face it as something that was very likely going to happen… even though he tried to resist the idea as long as it was possible. 

**4\. Kamikaze (神風 "divine wind" or "spirit wind")** : You all are probably familiar with the Kamikaze pilots that, during WW2 would toss themselves into suicide attacks against battleships but Sakuma here is actually referring to what give to the Kamikaze pilots their name. In fact the Kamikaze originally were two winds or storms that are said to have saved Japan from two Mongol fleets under Kublai Khan (in 1274 and again in 1281). Due to the growth of Zen Buddhism among Samurai at the time, these were the first events where the typhoons were described as "divine wind" due to their timing as by their force. Fundamentally Sakuma here isn’t saying that he hopes the Kamikaze pilots will save them but something similar to how he hopes that the Emperor, the living God, will make a miracle that will save them like the kamikaze wind saved them from the Mongol invasion because he has no idea what more they could do on their own. 

**5\. The speech questioning if the emperor is a living god or not :** This is actually something Yūki said in the novel. This part though, was cut from the anime transposition. The translation was done by [Imayooshi](https://imayooshi.tumblr.com/) and used with permission.

**6\. Tsuka (柄):** The tsuka is the handle of a Katana; made of wood and wrapped in samegawa.

**7\. Saya (鞘):** Fundamentally it is a scabbard for a Katana. The one used by the Army was made in metal.

**8\. Light on the sword and the show time thing:** People who had seen the second episode of Joker Game will likely recognize all the references. In it, when Sakuma begins to unsheathe the sword, light hits the blade and then the scene turns all white and this marks the point in which Sakuma starts to realize things. Here instead he only ends up remembering that particular episode… but all in the wrong way. The quotes that came to his mind in fact are Miyoshi telling him if they find nothing, Sakuma will commit Harakiri, Sakuma believing there was nothing to find and Gordon asking him if it’s time for him to start the _‘Harakiri show’_. This is meant to parallel the sense of uselessness that’s washing over Sakuma. He has fought and yet he had obtained nothing. It had been all useless. All he had done feels like a mockery.

**9\. The whole speech about shame, honour, not experiencing shame as a prisoner and dying** : It’s a bit from the **Senjinkun (戦陣訓 Instructions for the Battlefield)** , a pocket-sized military code issued to soldiers in the Imperial Japanese forces on 8 January 1941 in the name of the War Minister Hideki Tojo. It was in use at the outbreak of the Pacific War. The Senjinkun was regarded as a supplement to the Imperial Rescript to Soldiers and Sailors, which was already required reading for the Japanese military. It again stressed the importance of honourable death.

**10\. Kazu and Koji:** or better Mikoshiba Kazuya and Kasukabe Kojiro are just two OC. Although we know Sakuma had them, we’ve no info on who Sakuma’s friends from childhood and from the army were, so I had to make up a couple of _‘best friends’_ for him. Sorry about this but well, it couldn’t be helped as all the sources imply Sakuma had friends but left them unnamed. Oh and yes, if you want to know they were both in the Army and both sent to fight though this happened **AFTER** Sakuma had left for the war so he has no idea what happened to them.

**11\. Miyoshi and the rest of D Agency:** I’m assuming Yūki let Sakuma know Miyoshi died. It’s not like Sakuma had a lot of details in this regard, Yūki knew he wouldn’t tattle the matter out and well, it wasn’t going to affect things anyway. So even if Sakuma technically wasn’t supposed to know, Yūki allowed him to learn about it. Sakuma though didn’t get other info from him in regard to the others so he has no idea if they’re still alive or not.

**12\. Harakiri, bragging, Yasukuni Jinja, sardine head and tautology:** To make the story **EXTREMELY** short in the novel, in a discussion Sakuma had at D Agency if faced with the risk of ending up prisoner, he’ll either kill the enemy or himself and once death he’ll proudly meet with his companions at Yasukuni Jinja (the shrine in which, at the time, who sacrificed himself for the country was commemorated). Yūki called this as his going to brag with his former companions and compared his beliefs as worshipping a sardine head (a Japanese proverb). Miyoshi will then agree with Yūki and insists on the sardine matter as well as giving his whole speech about tautology.

**13\. Sun setting:** Not really relevant but in Hiroshima on the 15th of August the sun sets at around 19:00. The radio transmission took place at 12:00 and lasted around four minutes. This means that Sakuma had wandered for around 7 hours without knowing what to do with himself and his life before considering suicide. Yeah, in case you hadn’t got it, the whole matter came as a big blown to him that only worsened the inner exhaustion he was feeling due to the war. That’s why he had this moment in which he considered all right to kill himself despite having fought so hard to remain alive in the past years.

**14\. Sakuma and Miyoshi:** Yeah, I’m assuming Sakuma had loved Miyoshi his own way but, when he learnt of his death, he apparently managed to accept it and go on with his life. In truth he was merely forced to postpone the whole issue in face of more pressing problems like remaining alive so he never truly cope with it and overcame the problem, he just ignored it.

**15\. The next seven lives matter:** No idea if Sakuma believed in reincarnation… but since Yamamoto Tsunetomo (山本 常) the writer of the **‘Hagakure’** (葉隠), a practical and spiritual guide for a warrior, did (he said he wanted to be reborn seven times as a samurai of Nabeshima) and, **‘Hagakure’** was basically the Holy Bible of how Japanese soldiers should behave in WW2 I think Sakuma could have ended up influenced by this and could have fundamentally told Miyoshi he wanted to spend his next seven reincarnations with him, doing the things they couldn’t do in their present life.

**16\. Battōjutsu, Sakuma and swords:** No idea how good Sakuma is with a sword but since he seems to like it and illustrations here and there played with this I assumed he was very good. It helps in the novel it’s stated he was good enough at the Military School to be considered an elite student. Battōjutsu (抜刀術) is a combative quick-draw sword technique, which was one of the disciplines studied in the education of the classical warrior or Bushi if you prefer. This technique later evolved in what now is called Iaidō (officially named as such in 1932 but existing way before).

**17\. Chinese enemy:** Sorry guys if you were hoping Sakuma fought against the American but I had him being sent to fight against the Chinese… because yes, Japan was fighting them too and he started fighting them way sooner than America.

**18\. A Christmas carol:** A famous 1843 novella of Charles Dickens whose main character Ebenezer Scrooge is such a cold-hearted miser that his name has became a synonym for miserliness and misanthropy. The tale was not so popular in Japan back then so the farmer has no idea what the child is calling him and answers by repeating the name in the way it would sound when written in hiragana/katakana _‘Sukurūji’_.

**19\. Sakuma being a Lieutenant Colonel:** Yes, Sakuma got promoted trice from when we last saw him (1939) to now (1945). It’s technically not impossible as we’re within the range limit of time in which Sakuma could actually be promoted to such rank (the minimum time to pass from a rank to another back then in Japan was one year so he would need 3 to jump forward of 3 ranks and he just spent 6 years on the battleground) and it’s made easier by how, after 1941, due to the heavy losses in men, there was a rapid increase in promotions… and other factors but yes, I’ve stretched his luck a bit. I’m just assuming he did a damn good work… also, considering the many losses I fear it’s actually more impressive he remained alive for 6 years despite being on the battlefront than him being promoted trice.

**20\. Tobisaki:** Everyone, say hello to Odagiri! In the novel Odagiri is sent straight in north China, in the anime in Machuria, I compromised and assumed he first was sent in Manchuria then transferred in north China. Later he ended up serving under Sakuma. Odagiri is a Captain so yes, he got promoted too. Why not as much as Sakuma? Odagiri is probably smarter than Sakuma but not equally devoted to the cause and this held him back. Sakuma totally aimed to win, Odagiri just to survive and do his part. Hence the difference in ranking. Oh and yes, Odagiri still cares for Sakuma his own way… but the two of them now interact among them like soldiers, hence Odagiri calls Sakuma by his military rank and not just _‘Sakuma-san’_ as this is the proper way to refer to him, especially when they’re in public. And yes, Sakuma refers to him by using his true name and not his D Agency name now.

**21\. The Colonel:** I’m not going to get into details but Sakuma and his men returned to the motherland under the orders of a certain Colonel (no, not Mutō). The guy was among the ones who committed suicide after hearing the radio transmission so they’re technically without a direct superior and left on their own.

**22\. The Japanese military forces can return home:** It seems that after the Emperor’s speech an announcer went on speaking and, among the things he said, he announced the soldiers would be allowed to go back home. Very likely what he was reading were the terms of the Potsdam Declaration which defined the terms for Japanese surrender. In fact the 9th point of the Potsdam declaration said: _‘The Japanese military forces, after being completely disarmed, shall be permitted to return to their homes with the opportunity to lead peaceful and productive lives.’_

**23\. The state religion:** Back then Shintō was seen as a non-religious moral tradition and patriotic practice ideologically used by the empire so as to emphasize the idea of the Emperor as a divine being. At the time there was no distinction between this ideological Shintō and traditional Shintō and it will be only later that US military leaders will introduce the term _‘State Shintō’_ (国家神道Kokka Shintō) to call that branch of Shintō which, by official acts of the Japanese government, has been differentiated from the religion of Sect Shintō (Shuha Shintō or Kyoha Shintō) and has been classified a non-religious national cult. Odagiri still defines this as a _‘religion’_ due to how in D Agency they compared all those ideological stuffs to a new religion.

**24\. Katsuhiko and Hiro:** So, Miyoshi was a fake surname given to Miyoshi when he joined D Agency. He likely had a fake name too but we don’t know it. However Miwa Shirō said that among the Joker Game cast there was the habit to give to the spies the name of their voice actors, and since Miyoshi’s dubber is Shimono Hiro (下野 紘), this would make him Miyoshi Hiro (三好 紘). Katsuhiko, or better Maki Katsuhiko is the name Miyoshi took when he went in Germany for his mission. Sakuma can’t know about it though as he wasn’t given this detail so the name doesn’t tell him anything.

**25\. The adding details thing:** In the third drama cd, when Miyoshi starts talking about the difference between hotcakes and pancakes Kaminaga complains that he’s the type that adds unnecessary details no one cares about to discussions. From here my idea that Miyoshi is one who likes to make long explanations filled with details that aren’t always necessary.

**26\. Names and kanji:** In Japan young children start by writing their name in hiragana and only later they learn kanji. Little Katsuhiko, being four, isn’t expected to know how to write his name at all, especially considering he apparently has no adult figure looking after him who could have told him about it.

**27\. Gamō:** Oh yes, say hi to Gamō Jirō too. In the Joker Game canon there are two versions of him, one is the novel version, that has him being a D Agency boy and the other is the anime version, which has him being a Wind Agency boy. This one is the anime version. Long story short, I’ve assumed that, since Wind Agency didn’t beat D Agency, his members also ended up on the frontlines so that the Army could delicately get rid of them and this caused him to meet up with Sakuma and Tobisaki/Odagiri. More about him later on.

**28\. Gamō’s ranking:** Yes, Gamō is a captain like Tobisaki. Back in the past I was assuming Wind Agency members were also second lieutenants as D Agency members were, but, on a second thought, since Kazato was so affronted by Yūki rejecting Army War College students for his D Agency, it’s more likely he picked his own students from it. As, in order to become Army War College students, one needs to be a First Lieutenant or a Captain, I decided Gamō was a Captain. Yes, this means he didn’t rise in ranking. No, this isn’t due a lack of ability, Gamō had his own reasons for failing at getting a promotion.

**29\. Tobisaki and orphans:** Tobisaki/Odagiri was abandoned by his parents and left in his paternal grandparents’ care. While he didn’t grow up in the same miserable conditions as Katsuhiko (his grandparents were a noble family in the countryside), his grandparents didn’t care about him at all and first entrusted him into the cares of a woman who came to their house to do cores, Nishiyama Chizuru, then sent him to the cadet school as a way to get rid of him. Hence, even if Tobisaki/Odagiri had it a lot easier than Katsuhiko, he feels some sort of affinity with his condition.

**30\. Sentō (銭湯):** It’s a type of Japanese communal bath house where customers pay for entrance.

**31\. Miyoshi and mirrors:** Miyoshi is canonically stated as a narcissist who worries a lot about his hair and in the drama cds they even remarks on the time he spends looking at himself in a mirror. Little Katsuhiko though has his reasons if he seems not to share this trait with Miyoshi.

**32\. Gamō and Katsuhiko:** You were thinking Gamō despised little Katsuhiko, weren’t you? Actually he’s not so bad, he’s just seeing things differently from Tobisaki. He believes orphanages are probably already filled and he doesn’t think there’s people who’s really interested in taking care of orphans in such harsh times. Also, not only he knows this wouldn’t be the best time for Sakuma to pick up a random kid but doesn’t really think he would seriously consider it. This means that when they’ll leave, they’ll end up leaving Katsuhiko on his own in a harsh world in which a child of four has **VERY FEW** chances to survive on his own if not none at all. Gamō thinks that if Katsuhiko remains wary and distrusting of adults and learns to provide for himself his chances of survival will increase, hence he’s a jerk with him in hope to fuel this. Yes, Gamō’s idea of being _‘nice’_ is a harsh one but it fits with the mentality of the time and of the Army.

**33\. Kure, Hiroshima and the atomic bombing:** Yes, the guys are in the port city of Kure (呉市, Kure-shi), which is in the Hiroshima prefecture. Through the war Kure was heavily bombed, due to the strategic military importance of its port. Now, for a bit of timeline… The last relevant bombing on Kure took place on 24, 25, and 28 July. The atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima on August 6 and yes, despite the hills circling Kure, which is 23,6 km distant from Hiroshima, the atomic mushroom could be seen from Kure. People in Kure even took pictures. The Jewel Voice Broadcast took place at noon on August 15. As you could have easily figured out, I’m assuming Sakuma and Co got to Kure **AFTER** the Hiroshima bombing, hence they didn’t see the atomic mushroom but Kure is still suffering of the previous bombing and aware of what had happened to Hiroshima… even if they hardly have a complete picture as official info in this regard were scarce (and, of course, no one knew about the consequences of atomic radiations). They’ve no idea what happened to Nagasaki though as Nagasaki was bombed on August 9, 1945 but it’s at 441,7 km of distance from Kure and therefore couldn’t be observed equally well by Kure’s residents (hence none of them could talk about it to Sakuma and Co) and, apparently, the whole thing was underreported by Japanese magazines at first as they started talking about it only on August 12 and the damage was defined “comparatively slight”. The city’s destruction was reported only a full 16 days after the event (August 24) so they’ll only learn about it in the future.

**34\. The ‘he’ Tobisaki is talking about:** Tobisaki is obviously referring to Yūki, though he doesn’t say his name because, during those years he spent on the front, he tried to distance himself from the memory of the time spent at D Agency. The memory is still there though, and he’s still touched by how Yūki told him not to die. Well, Tobisaki has his own problems too, it’s not just Sakuma and Gamō who have them but well, war isn’t a healthy experience.

**35\. Sakuma’s scolding to Gamō:** Sakuma’s scolding actually references three things. First there’s Sakuma’s determination to refuse to be a pawn who is used, then cast aside and therefore to allow this fate to befall to the men under him. Then there’s the Army mentality that was imprinted into the members of Wind Agency in regard to die with honour. Third there’s a bit of the Imperial Rescript for Soldiers and Sailors (1882), yes, a bit of it was quoted in the beginning of Ep 2 as well. In it the Emperor says that _‘Our relations with your will be most intimate when We rely upon you as Our limbs and you look up to Us as your head.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we start with three different army men trying to cope with the end of the war after having to cope with the war itself and with the fact that the Army wanted them dead. Oh and yes, there’s also a certain child who has to cope with different issues. Yes, the setting is sort of dark. Sorry about it. The D Agency boys will join later on… if researching for the next chapter won’t kill me first.
> 
> Oh, and yes, the title comes from one of **‘Joker Game’** background music.


	2. Chapter 2

Finding a Sentō still standing wasn’t a feat as easy as they would have liked it, many having gone destroyed in the bombing but, in the end, here they were, in an Onsen near the station, Gamō mused as he closed his eyes and tried to relax himself in the pool, next to Tobisaki.

“Heavenly, heavenly…” he couldn’t help but comment like… well, everyone else enjoying the warm water, really. Still, although the warm water felt good… it felt strange to be there, as if the water was washing away the heaviness their hearts carried and the years spent fighting without knowing if they’ll even manage to come home alive.

He’d like to say it made him feel better… but in truth it wasn’t exactly like that. Being back to the normal world… felt surreal, confusing. Gamō made a point not to think at it. It wasn’t like he could do something about it and nothing good would come from worrying about it so he just wanted to ignore it and hope it would pass on his own, that he could go back on being used to normal life after the years he had spent in that hell.

Next to him, Tobisaki, as expected, said nothing but the guy wasn’t really good at talking. Or relaxing. In the beginning Gamō had thought of him as cold, now he knew he was just an awkward guy who however cared for his own companions more than he let out. That’s why he slapped his shoulder hard so as to be sure to get his attention before telling him, “Relax for once, Tobisaki.”

Tobisaki gave him the _‘you’re the weirdest guy I ever met’_ glance before replying.

“I’m _trying_.”

Gamō grinned, as if amused at the implication he was the one who was making things difficult for the other. He knew Tobisaki wouldn’t be able to relax even if he hadn’t been present. The guy was just as stiff as that.

“No one cares, you know? Whatever makes you feel pressured by when people are around… well, here no one cares. Do as you please, act as you want. People here had better things to do than care about judging you…” the other reassured him, “…provided you don’t do a mess as the Lieutenant Colonel’s little pet did.”

The two turned toward the man, still busy trying to gently scrub away the dirt from little Katsuhiko, as no one could enter in the water while still dirty. The child was now quietly sitting on a stool in front of the Lieutenant Colonel, pressing the wet cloth he’d been given against the cut he just got himself when he slipped on the floor and hit his head.

A bleeding nose and a nasty cut. Tobisaki thought it should have hurt but Katsuhiko had said nothing of it, he didn’t even cry and he had seemed absolutely astounded when the Lieutenant Colonel had swooped him up again and had taken care of his wound and of his sore nose. He’d been quiet and silent after that, letting the Lieutenant Colonel do as he pleased with him and obeying his instructions without discussions.

Tobisaki had no idea if that obedience was due to the Lieutenant Colonel taking care of him or due to how the man had yelled and scared the hell out of the people who had insulted little Katsuhiko and pushed him to try to run away in the first place.

“Impressive,” Gamō commented looking in the child’s direction as well. “There’s skin under all that dirt.” Though his words had been mocking, he actually sounded bitter. “It was probably better if we were to leave him as he was.”

Tobisaki frowned but he knew why Gamō said so. There was no way to deny how, now that all the filth had been gently scrubbed off of him, they could clearly see the little one was definitely a cute child, the sort that normally would cause people to stop in their track and make him compliments or shower him in praises. He had a rather fair skin which caused those far too red lips and those shiny, bright eyes to stand out even more. A round face, a cute little nose... and then there were the well proportioned limbs and the hair that, now that it wasn’t anymore a greasy mess, seemed to invite to stroke it. A cute child, really, no more than cute, lovely.

It reminded Tobisaki of someone else who had handsome features that could cause everyone to turn and look at him. There was a definite resemblance, now that he thought at it, between little Katsuhiko and that person, enough to think they could be related… though he felt secure enough in betting the child couldn’t be his son… at best a relative. Maybe that was why the Lieutenant Colonel had felt obliged to do something for that little one, because he too had noticed a definite resemblance. As far as Tobisaki could remember… in his own way the Lieutenant Colonel always had a weakness for that person. Maybe this had also made him soft with cute, little Katsuhiko.

Still, the times they were in, weren’t the ones in which it was a good thing for orphaned children to be that cute, Tobisaki realized as a feeling of disgust suddenly crawled in his stomach as he caught some guys leering at the little one and…

“Lieutenant Colonel. You won’t get him more cleaned than what he is. Just put him in the water and be done with him,” Gamō’s voice cut through Tobisaki’s thought and, from the frown the other man was wearing Tobisaki was sure Gamō as well hadn’t missed those glances.

The Lieutenant Colonel though, who had been till then completely focused on his task, seemed to notice them only now, as he raised his gaze from the child, about to reply to Gamō. He frowned and this was enough to cause every pervert to turn his gaze away. People had learnt short before that the Lieutenant Colonel wasn’t one that would let someone be so much as vaguely rude with his charge and no one felt up to try and argue with him.

“Let’s see, Katsu-chan, it shouldn’t bleed anymore,” the man said making the child remove the cloth he’d been pressing against his gash. “Good, you’re all right now,” he commented stroking the little one’s hair. “Now let’s go to the pool, all right? It’s warm and nice, you’ll like it. Just stay close to me, okay?” The child merely nodded in reply and Tobisaki saw the Lieutenant Colonel picking him up in his arms before joining them in the pool. To Tobisaki, the child looked like some sort of ornamental doll for the Hina-Matsuri. He didn’t try to escape to the Lieutenant Colonel’s hold nor did he clung to him. He was just there, as if he had no idea how he should act. Still… there was in him something that didn’t quite fit the miserable child he was, something that gave him a look that was more dignified than the one he should have.

The Lieutenant Colonel held him close as he got inside the water, still stroking the child’s hair in what was likely meant to be a reassuring manner but that only seemed to confuse Katsuhiko further as the boy gave him an odd glance.

“Hey, brat. Don’t you try to splash around. It’s bad manners in the Onsen,” Gamō warned Katsuhiko, to which the kid answered with a glare. Fun how his glares also resembled the ones of that person, glares that seemed to say _‘you’re so below me you shouldn’t even be allowed to breathe in my presence, even less to speak’_. Actually, more than fun, it was pathetically ridicule considering Katsuhiko’s situation.

“Let him be, Gamō, Katsu-chan is a good kid, he won’t splash around,” the Lieutenant Colonel countered, to which Gamō replied with a dubious glance.

“What are we supposed to do, sitting in the water?” the little boy asked… to no one in particular, a frown on his face. “I’m clean as you wanted now. Weren’t we supposed to go have dinner?” No, he was probably talking with the Lieutenant Colonel… only it looked like he didn’t want to make eye contact with him. Odd.

“We’re supposed to relax a bit and rest. Isn’t it nice to sit in warm water, Katsu-chan?”

“It’s wet,” he complained quietly, still not looking at the man. He didn’t seem angry, Tobisaki thought, just… uncomfortable.

“I’ll dry you up soon, okay?” the Lieutenant Colonel assured. Tobisaki knew that tone, that smile. It was the soft tone the Lieutenant Colonel used with the soldiers that were injured, that were dying, the gentle smile that was meant to reassure them they weren’t alone, alone in their worst moment. If there was a reason why Tobisaki was loyal to him, it wasn’t because he had met up with him in D Agency but because, differently from many other superior officers, that man had really cared about his underlings and done his best for them in his own way.

Still Katsuhiko didn’t reply to the Lieutenant Colonel’s words. He seemed… a little lost… and Tobisaki at the moment felt like him. What would happen to them now? Where were they supposed to go? What were they supposed to do? Tobisaki had no idea.

It seemed like yesterday they were in the middle of a battle, fighting for their life in a foreign country, companions dying all around them and now here they were, sitting in the pool of an Onsen, never to go back to that hell that were the frontlines.

Tobisaki was glad the war had ended, that he wouldn’t have to go back there… but at the same time he was scared. _‘What now?’_ his mind kept on asking him. _‘What will happen now? What would the Americans do to them, to them who had dishonourably surrendered?’_

Tobisaki knew that part of the rumours that had been spread about the Americans were just propaganda, and that they didn’t have the same problems Japanese people had with surrenders but still…

“What are we going to do now, Lieutenant Colonel?” Gamō asked bluntly and Tobisaki frowned in his direction. He’d been trying hard not to make the same question so as not to burden the man with the responsibility of taking a decision! Gamō sustained his gaze though. Evidently his plan was exactly to have the man decide on their next more.

“We’ll go to Tokyo,” the Lieutenant Colonel stated, surprising Tobisaki, while Gamō merely turned attentive.

“Tokyo?” Tobisaki echoed. Even though they were back in Japan… Tokyo was at more than 800 km of distance. It wasn’t going to be a nice trip even if the war was no more. Besides… what would they go in Tokyo for?

“We can’t go back in China and we’re likely supposed to report in place of the Colonel. Kure’s mostly under control of the Navy anyway… so it’s not like there’s someone to whom we can pass the ball,” he stated dismissively, his fingers absently trailing through Katsu-chan’s hair. “Besides, in Tokyo, they’ve probably better information on what’s going on and maybe we can press the issue of helping the others to be back sooner… since the Japanese Army is supposed to come back to the motherland.”

Oh. So the Lieutenant Colonel had been there to listen to that part of the radio transmission and remembered it, Tobisaki thought.

“All right. So let’s go back to Tokyo,” Gamō agreed effortlessly. “Now that I think at it, I miss the capital.”

Tobisaki frowned as he realized he had no idea if he missed Tokyo. He wasn’t sure if there was a place in this world he could call home.

“You know… if you two prefer stand here in waiting it’s fine. It’s not like I need an escort. Or maybe you could go meet with people you care for or something…” the Lieutenant Colonel told them.

“We care for you, Lieutenant Colonel,” Gamō stated with a grin. What had remained of his family had died while he’d been busy fighting in China. It wasn’t like he had someone to whom to return. This odd man who had done his best to keep him alive was fundamentally the closest thing to a family that Gamō had at the moment. “You don’t get to go to the capital all alone. Right, Tobisaki?”

Tobisaki nodded. Leaving the Lieutenant Colonel on his own wasn’t safe considering the man’s views on honour and defeat and… and… and Tobisaki wasn’t sure what he would have done without someone to give him directions. It wasn’t like the Lieutenant Colonel was smarter than him or that Tobisaki had no idea how to take care of himself… it was just… it was so comfortable to have the man giving them orders, taking the burden of the decision for them.

Maybe he was merely tired but it was just… at the moment he didn’t want to think about what to do next. He was glad if the Lieutenant Colonel were to decide it for him.

The discussion moved on more neutral topics, meaningless things that wouldn’t force the three men to come to term with their situation or with how everyone was observing them. Even though they were naked, they practically had written all over their faces they were soldiers. No, not all over their faces, all over their bodies. It wasn’t just the muscles caused by the Army training, it was the scarring, scarring from wounds, scarring from burns, scarring that revealed clearly which was their job. Scarring that would remain printed all over them through the rest of their lives. A side of them… would never be able to leave the war behind, as if it had never happened. Those scars would always remind them of it. They were lucky they had, at least, kept all their limbs and that those limbs were all functional. Yet, right then, they didn’t want to think at that, and so remained in the water as if the gazes of the other people in the Onsen weren’t of them and took their own sweet times enjoying the water before they decided they had spent enough time soaking themselves and left the pool.

As they did so Sakuma eyed the child in his arms, feeling slightly disturbed by how quiet he was. Well, it wasn’t like a certain someone else had been a noisy person… but he also hadn’t been the type to just sit there and be quiet and let himself be ignored… but, of course, Katsu-chan and that guy were two different persons. Still… children were supposed to be more vivacious, instead this one just lied quietly in his arms, and hadn’t even attempted to splash around when they had been in the pool… and had seemed to be busy doing his best to avoid glancing at his reflection in the water. Not mentioning he didn’t cry when he’d gotten hurt. That wasn’t the normal attitude of a small child, that was for sure.

Sakuma observed how, once out of the water, Katsu-chan let himself be dried as if he were a doll, though his eyes widened in surprise and confusion when Sakuma tried to have him wear a Yukata.

“This is not mine,” he pointed out.

“Your clothes were dirty, Katsu-chan. It would have done you no good wearing them after having cleaned up so I asked the owners to get me some new clothes for you and they were so kind to go buy these for you. Let’s see if this Yukata fit…” Katsu-chan gave him an odd glance but didn’t discuss.

Sakuma didn’t blame him. He remembered well the half disgusted gazes Katsu-chan had attracted… but he also remembered how no one had felt like discussing things with a high officer of the Army. The owners didn’t go out of their way to buy clothes for Katsu-chan out of kindness, they did it just because they felt it was better not to upset Sakuma and his men. Sakuma hadn’t missed the looks they had thrown at him and the others either, evidently thinking they were keeping Katsu-chan with them not out of kindness but for other lewd purposes. He hadn’t gotten the chance to set them straight because some customers made some rude comments in Katsu-chan’s direction and caused the mess that ended up in the little one getting himself injured.

Afterward, the owner’s wife had seemed to look at him with other eyes, as if now she had realized he had no dirty purposes for taking care of the child and had gotten him a wet cloth to press on Katsu-chan’s cut and Sakuma had let the whole matter slide.

“Here you are, how does it feel?” Sakuma asked him as he finished tying the Obi around his small waist.

“I don’t like this stripe pattern,” the child muttered with a grumpy frown and Sakuma found himself making a bitter smile. Someone had difficult tastes here, hadn’t he?

“You’re right, it doesn’t quite suit you. Tomorrow I’ll get you better clothes, that’ll fit more your tastes, all right?” he promised and Katsu-chan raised his head to look at him, eyes wide in open surprise. Sakuma though, missed this surprised gaze as he retrieved a pair of scissors. “Be still now. I’ll trim your hair a bit,” he warned and saw Katsu-chan pull back a little.

“Don’t worry, though I might not look like it, I know how to do it,” Sakuma began, remembering the time he had ended up on doing it for… someone else… but Katsu-chan didn’t seem reassured in the slightest. Actually, he seemed frightened, as if… “Katsu-chan, has someone ever trimmed your hair?” A quick shaking of the little boy’s head was all he got in reply. “All right. It won’t hurt, I swear. Your hair is too long, gets into your eyes and is too tangled. I’ll just shorten it a bit so it’ll be easy for you to see and for me to comb it. Cutting it won’t hurt you though, see?” he assured, demonstrating it by cutting a lock of his own hair. Besides he wasn’t meant to let them grow that much again, really. But war had given him more pressing issues to worry than his own hair length.

Katsu-chan blinked but looked a little less frightened. Still…

“What does it matter if it’s long or short? It’s an ugly, greasy mess anyway,” he pointed out bitterly.

“It’s not greasy anymore now that we’ve washed it, you know? Once your hair is trimmed and combed, it will be soft and fluffy and everyone will be envious of how cute you’ll look,” Sakuma assured. “You’ve very nice hair, Katsu-chan, it’s just poorly kept at the moment.” The child gave him a dubious glance but let Sakuma do his work.

Sakuma took care of his hair carefully, trying his best not to think back at the time in which he had to do the same work for another person, and failing rather badly, the memory still alive in him as if everything had happened on that same day.

_‘Painful,’_ he thought but he knew it only meant that one was a good memory, a memory of something happy that had happened through his life… and memories of past happiness were meant to be treasured, not forgotten just because they felt painful now. He sighed and, as he continued to work on Katsu-chan’s hair, he found himself smiling. It was a bittersweet smile, but it was a smile none less and this was what truly mattered. That past happiness… he wouldn’t let it go to waste.

* * *

Katsuhiko waved his feet slightly as he waited for the lady who should take their orders. He wasn’t used at wearing the Geta, or at the type of sleeves the Yukata had, or at his now much shorter hair. People were giving him odd glances now, and smiling instead than turning away in disgust or irritation, and he wasn’t sure what all this was about. Sure, he was clean now but when all was said and done it wasn’t like he was a different person. He was the same orphaned kid they all despised… and yet it seemed all it took them to forget about it was for him to clean up a bit? He stroked the back of his hand, feeling weird how it now looked pale. Had it always been like that? Maybe… maybe it was just he looked so different they couldn’t recognize him. Maybe it was just he didn’t look like himself anymore… which felt upsetting to say the least, as if someone had stripped him of his own identity and replaced it with someone else’s.

The worst part thought was that he felt that there had been a time in his life in which all this had been normal, in which he was clean and his hair well kept and his clothes nice and… and he swallowed and tried to chase away that feeling. He didn’t remember such time, he had never been such person and he didn’t want it to have happened as this would mean it was something he lost. It was easier to think his life had always been like that, the life of a rodent that slept in the open over the muddy ground.

_‘Stop fidgeting and try to behave in a dignified manner. Wearing Geta and clean clothes isn’t the end of the world,’_ a voice in the back of his mind whispered but he ignored it angrily. It was all too new and it felt scary. He wanted to escape, not to behave, and the only thing that was keeping him rooted in that place was the promise he finally would get something to eat, as the scent of food permeating the place was only making him more famished.

He eyed the man seated next to him, the one the others called _‘Lieutenant Colonel’_ and realized the scariest thing in that whole situation was how this man wasn’t being mean with him. Other people were normally nasty creatures, who would deny him food or hit him or try to steal from him what he got for himself or that, at best, would be disgusted by him and call him names. This one man instead had protected him and picked him up and cleaned him and gotten things for him and… and Katsuhiko had no idea why.

_‘…-san is just always honourable and nice like that,’_ the voice in the back of his mind whispered in a somewhat fond manner but Katsuhiko had no time to point out how that same voice had always told him _‘ **ALL** the people are dirty, rotten liars, cowards who always acts for their own self interest and shouldn’t be trusted no matter the circumstance’_ as a woman came to ask them what they wanted to eat.

“What would you like to eat, Katsu-chan?” the man who had promised to buy him dinner asked him, apparently prioritizing Katsuhiko’s wishes over his own or the ones of the men with him.

_‘Well, Sashimi with Kobe beef would be nice… as I doubt they serve Edomae Sushi here…’_ that voice whispered. Katsuhiko didn’t really know if that voice was the voice of a person living inside his head or just fragmented memories that came up at the most random moments. Sometimes it felt just like that. Still, despite the suggestion… he was forced to admit those names the voice mentioned didn’t woke up any memory of things he could eat that were connected to such words.

“Rice?” he found himself asking tentatively. “Can I have it?” He swallowed. It would be terrible if, after waiting for so long for the promised dinner, the man were to change his mind.

“Rice?” _‘Just that?’_ Sakuma thought, then scolded himself. What had he been expecting, that Katsuhiko would request a full course Kaiseki-ryōri? He had to stop to think as if this little child were… “Sure. Rice that is. Well, here they recommend Kare Raisu but maybe you’ll prefer Oyakodon…”

“Kayu is probably more fitting for him, Lieutenant Colonel…” Tobisaki interjected.

“As long as he doesn’t ask Chahan… I’ve had enough of Chinese for the rest of my life.” Gamō pointed out.

Katsuhiko looked at the three men, trying to remember which sort of foods were the ones they were talking about and failing. He was hungry, scared and nervous. He couldn’t remember. Or maybe he just had never known… it wasn’t like he ever had the chance to sit down in a restaurant before… yet the names had felt familiar for a moment… but then whatever image they were trying to summon had disappeared in the back of his mind.

“Rice…” he insisted, gripping the sleeve of the one who had promised him food. He saw the man blinking, then smiling at him softly.

“Kare Raisu is cooked rice with curry sauce. Kayu is rice porridge that’s easy to digest. Chahan is Chinese fried rice… and Oyakodon is rice with chicken and egg,” he explained. “You can choose among them, they all have rice, Katsu-chan.” Katsuhiko blinked not expecting all this. He had been expecting them to allow him to have only a small bowl of plain cooked rice… and instead… he swallowed.

”The one with the chicken,” he requested. “And the egg.” He had tried capturing a chicken more than once but those were noisy and too big for his small arms. He always ended up having to escape empty handed in order not to be caught. And the time he managed to steal eggs he fell and broke them all. If he could… he wanted to eat them both.. and finally discover what they tasted like.

“Oyakodon then. You’ll like it Katsu-chan,” he stated before placing Katsu-chan’s request as their first order. Actually Sakuma wasn’t sure Katsu-chan would like it, that person’s tastes had always been more oriented toward western food after all, but he thought it would do well to fatten the child a bit. The maid smiled and confirmed she would get a delicious bowl of Oyakodon for the _‘cute little Bocchan’_ before taking their other orders as well. It was Hoso Udon for Sakuma, Kure Reimen for Tobisaki, Nikujaga for Gamō… Sakuma thought it was the second day they were in the city but it still felt weird to be able to decide what to eat and be served food that didn’t taste like that scarce mess they were served on the frontlines.

Still, even odder had been to see how Katsu-chan had almost attempted to hide behind him when the maid had spoken to him, as if he were scared by her. Odd.

“Is everything all right?” he found himself compelled to ask.

“Why did she call me like that?”

“Bocchan?” he asked and the child nodded. “You’re one of the patrons here, Katsu-chan. She only wanted to be polite…”

Maybe so, Katsuhiko reasoned but no one had called him as such when he first entered the Onsen, even if he was technically supposed to be a patron back then as well. They had given him disgusted gazes and some people had even called him names and… and now instead that person went and called him Bocchan and said he was cute and…

_‘It’s not greasy anymore now that we’ve washed it, you know? Once your hair is trimmed and combed, it will be soft and fluffy and everyone will be envious of how cute you’ll look. You’ve very nice hair, Katsu-chan, it’s just poorly kept at the moment.’_

“Is it because you cut my hair? She called me _‘cute’_ also. Is it because you cut my hair and made it soft and fluffy? Is it due to it I’m _‘cute’_?” he wondered, his hands going to touch his own hair. Well, now it felt much nicer to the touch than before but did it also make him _‘cute’_? Did it also make people being kind to him? The man seemed surprised by his question then smiled.

“I guess that’s probably part of it. I told you that once we were to fix it you’ll look adorable.” Katsuhiko blinked then felt his face warming up and, instinctively, lowered it. Weird. It had never happened to him before… but of course no one before had praised the way he looked. It gave him a nice, warm feeling. He would have liked to be praised more but the other men called the man’s attention and they began discussing of grown up stuffs, ignoring him. Pity.

Still Katsuhiko tried to wait patiently for the promised food, doing his best to behave so no one would have a reason to deny it to him, working hard to ignore the scents of food and the sight of the other people happily eating. He swallowed when he saw the girl who had called him cute coming back carrying a tray with some bowls.

_‘Food,’_ he thought hungrily but, when the bowl was placed in front of him and he tried to grab the rice and carry it to his mouth, he felt horror and desperation at seeing the bowl being taken away from him.

“You said I could eat it!” he accused, trying not to sound as desperate as he felt. He had no idea why but his eyes were stinging and he… he…

“Yes, but not with your hands, with chopsticks!” the man replied but his answer meant nothing to Katsuhiko.

“You said I could eat it! You said…” his voice failed him. Adults were dirty creatures, he’d been wrong in trusting this one, he… The man’s expression shifted as he put down the bowl, though still far from Katsuhiko’s reach.

“Open your mouth,” he instructed as he took some sticks, placed on them some of the rice, blew at it and then moved the sticks closer to him. Katsuhiko blinked, then hurried to open his mouth and close it around the rice and the sticks. “Hey, don’t eat the chopsticks also! They aren’t food!” the man warned him as he tried to pull them away. The rice though, remained in Katsuhiko’s mouth. It was warm, hot actually, savoury, delicious. He blinked as the stinging in his eyes worsened and, ignoring the rice’s hotness, swallowed the food hurriedly, afraid that someone could pry his mouth open and take it from him.

He was about to ask… to beg for more when more came on its own as the man took more rice with the sticks and again offered it to him. Again Katsuhiko tried to bite off the sticks as well, as to make sure the food won’t be pulled back. He didn’t succeed as the sticks again were pulled away, leaving only the rice in his mouth, rice which he swallowed quickly, without bothering to savour it. The hot rice sort of stung both his mouth and his throat as it slid through it, but Katsuhiko didn’t care. It was food and it was being given to him for free, without him having to risk his life stealing it.

He felt pathetically grateful when rice was offered to him again and again.

“Stop trying to bite off the chopsticks, they aren’t eatable. Also don’t swallow it so fast, you’re supposed to chew on your food or you’ll end up chocking yourself,” he was warned. “Savour the food in your mouth. You’ll appreciate it much more and the bowl won’t go anywhere as you do it. It’s all yours, Katsu-chan.”

“Lieutenant Colonel, as you waste time feeding that uncultured kid your Udon will get cold!” one of the other men complained. The man dismissed the complain as he continued to feed him, but Katsuhiko hadn’t missed how he’d been called things again. He didn’t want that. He… he had liked so much when he got praised, he… he tried hard not to bite the chopsticks or to swallow as soon as he got the food in his mouth, he tried hard not to look famished as he felt. He was rewarded when the man, while continuing on offering him the food, also told him he was doing good now.

Also, now that he was chewing the food properly, the man offered him bites of chicken meat as well. Those were the best. So good…

The hunger calmed down and, while the fear someone could take from him the food still lingered, he wasn’t in a hurry anymore. He even managed to pause in his meal to drink what the man offered him and discover it was tea, not just dirty water.

Katsuhiko didn’t believe in things like heaven and hell but, at the moment, as he was feed that delicious food over and over, he believed that, if a heaven existed, people in it would feel like him, having a need and finally, **FINALLY** , having it fulfilled over and over.

The hunger finally left him, his stomach, not used at being filled, finding itself satisfied with what it already got… but still Katsuhiko wanted more. Who cared if the stomach was satisfied… there was for once more food for him than the one he needed and he wouldn’t waste a single grain of rice, no matter what. He forced himself to swallow everything and, when he finally finished his Oyakodon, he felt as if he’d been woken up from a nice dream. No, it wasn’t like he was still hungry but still the idea that such a delicious food had ultimately ended was painful.

“Was it good, Katsu-chan?” he was asked then and he nodded. Good. Heavenly. The best thing that had ever happened to him. It was finished though and tomorrow… tomorrow his life would go back on being what it had been till then. Miserable. And with hardly something to eat.

The man through seemed satisfied with his answer and now took his time to take care of his own dinner. It wasn’t rice. It was… narrow strips of food that the man was eating making a slurping sound. From the look on his face they seemed good. Katsuhiko wondered how they tasted like and was surprised when the man caught his gaze and offered him the chance to sample them.

“Don’t bite now, just slurp,” he was told and he wordlessly obeyed. Good. So good. He found himself sliding closer to the man, accepting occasional samples of food, even getting the chance to drink some of the broth in his bowl as the man talked with his companions.

He felt full, stuffed really, maybe overstuffed, but it was a good feeling. Now he should have probably slid away, escaped, as it was always dangerous to stay with grown up for too long… but he felt drowsy and content. His head nodded a bit as his eyes threatened to close on their own.

“You’ll fall from the bench like that,” the man told him but Katsuhiko couldn’t bring himself to care. He was just too tired. He didn’t resist when the man picked him up and sat him on his lap.

Katsuhiko let his head fall against the man’s chest, unconsciously inhaling the other’s scent. It was… soothing, reassuring, as if that scent came with the insurance that nothing wrong could happen to him when he felt it, that he could lower his guard completely and still be safe… That scent… it felt… familiar, familiar enough to make him nostalgic, nostalgic in an almost painful way. He didn’t understand why this was happening but as his treacherous eyes kept on attempting to close themselves, an odd thought formed in his mind… _‘Sakuma-san… I so missed you…’_.

It was a though that made no sense because he had no idea who this _‘Sakuma-san’_ was nor he ever had someone in his life whom he could miss… but he couldn’t really ponder on this as his eyes simply refused to stay open any longer and all he managed to do was to try clinging to the man’s shirt with his small hands before his body went slack against the other as sleep claimed him.

“Lieutenant Colonel… if I can ask… why did you cut his hair like that?” Tobisaki asked once he saw Katsuhiko falling asleep. That was… the same haircut… one of D Agency’s students used to have. It increased the resemblance the kid had with him even more and the matter bothered Tobisaki. In the beginning he hadn’t paid it much attention as the dirty appearance of the kid was way too far from the meticulously cured look of D Agency’s resident narcissist but now that the child was clean, decently dressed and with combed hair… if Tobisaki had to be honest… really that kid looked like that person enough he could be exchanged for his son. Not that he thought that guy would go and have a son with someone but… He wondered if that was the reason why the Lieutenant Colonel was caring for him that much.

“Yes, wouldn’t a crew cut work better for him? Considering how dirty he was he might have lice… or ends up on catching them,” Gamō added. As far as Tobisaki knew Gamō had never known about D Agency… and about the weird bond the Lieutenant Colonel shared with one of its members. To him the haircut was merely impractical and that was why he was complaining against it.

“Don’t worry. He doesn’t have lice and…”

_‘We aren’t supposed to have military haircuts, Sakuma-san, have you forgotten? Besides closely cut hair doesn’t suit me at all.’_

“…and closely cut hair wouldn’t suit him,” he finished repeating what Miyoshi told him years ago, his gaze lost as, with the eyes of his mind, he could still see the man saying those words.

Tobisaki’s expression softened. In a way he could empathize. He too knew how easy it was to get attached to a person who reminded you of another, beloved one. He never spoke to Nogami Yuriko, she had no idea he existed, to her he was just one of the many nameless faces in the crowd of her admirers. Yet, for the mere fact she had looked like Chizu-nee, she had been so very precious to him, just watching her from afar had been enough to make him feel a bittersweet sense of happiness he’d been missing for years.

The Lieutenant Colonel had spent those last years on the battleground, without even knowing if he were to survive to see the next day, away from his family, away from his close friends, away from… that person. Maybe… seeing that child looking so much like someone he had cared for had made him feel that same bittersweet happiness Tobisaki had experienced back then.

“Lieutenant Colonel, what are you going to do with that kid?” Gamō found himself asking as he saw the little one sleeping heavily in the man’s arms. “People here say he’s a weird one. He knows things he’s not supposed to. He creeps them out. Also, he’s a pretty good thief for being so small.” It was clear that no one there would be willing to take care of the little one. They might claim they would agree to do so in exchange for some money… but Gamō was sure that, once they had left Kure, whoever had volunteered to care for the kid would keep the money for himself and get rid of the boy.

Gamō’s words about Katsu-chan being an unusual kid didn’t surprise Sakuma though. He remembered how Katsu-chan talked about tautology and mentioned characters from _‘A Christmas carol’_. That was not what a normal Japanese kid would do. Sakuma had wondered if he had actually deluded himself he’d heard those words but now what Gamō said seemed to confirm that indeed he had heard correctly.

“I’m taking him with us to Tokyo. He’s too young to be left on his own and, as you said, no one would care for him here,” he replied, stroking Katsu-chan’s soft hair gently.

“All right. Actually that’s really like you, Lieutenant Colonel,” it was all Gamō commented. He didn’t sound disappointed… more like relieved. Tobisaki had the feeling Gamō, despite not liking the kid, was against abandoning him. However he couldn’t tell if it was because he thought keeping the child was a good thing for the Lieutenant Colonel or because he pitied the little one. It didn’t matter though. Tobisaki too was glad they weren’t going to abandon Katsuhiko on his own.

“Lieutenant Colonel… are you thinking to show this look alike to that person?” he found himself asking as a smile escaped him. He knew better than saying that person’s name in public besides he knew the Lieutenant Colonel would have gotten whom he was talking about anyway. Tobisaki thought it would have been fun to see that person’s reaction if he were to see the Lieutenant Colonel coming back with a child that looked like him and that the Lieutenant Colonel openly praised for his cuteness… not mentioning how the man was also willing to pay for his food and clothes. “Since we’re going to Tokyo… if you’re lucky maybe you could meet each other.”

“Person? Which person?” Gamō inquired with a surprised look. “Hey, Lieutenant Colonel, do you have a woman waiting for you in Tokyo? Is she pretty?” he asked then with a grin of complicity as he moved closer to the man. Actually, from the way Tobisaki spoke, he didn’t think this person’s was the Lieutenant Colonel’s woman… more likely a close relative… and he was just joking when he suggested so.

Sakuma though, lowered his head as he stared as Katsu-chan’s sleeping features.

“No,” he replied quietly. “This can’t happen anymore.” He swallowed then stood, gently holding Katsu-chan in his arms. As he did so, he felt the sleeping child shift his position to wrap small arms around Sakuma’s neck and his mind went again to what could have been and instead never was before he forced himself to put up a tired smile. “It’s late and tomorrow we’ll have a long day. Sorry guys, but I’ll call this a night,” he announced before leaving.

Once they were alone Gamō turned toward Tobisaki.

“Ne, Tobisaki. Did the Lieutenant Colonel _**really**_ had a woman in Tokyo?” Gamō was aware of how those two knew each other from before meeting up on the frontlines. He wasn’t sure what had been their relationship previously, even though he had a nagging suspicion. He didn’t want to think at it though. In his own way he liked Tobisaki despite Tobisaki’s unsocial nature. The guy was smart, loyal and his own brand of kind. Gamō didn’t want to think Tobisaki too could be connected to _‘that’_. He didn’t want to see in him an enemy.

Tobisaki didn’t reply at first. The way the Lieutenant Colonel had replied… his tone… Tobisaki knew when the man used such tone so this would mean… but Tobisaki couldn’t quite figure how this could be possible.

As annoying as that person had been… he’d been one of the best among them if not the best. Tobisaki couldn’t see him messing up during training and getting himself killed. Did something go wrong in his graduation case? _‘That other person’_ though…

_‘First Lieutenant Tobisaki Hiroyuki. Don’t die.’_

_‘He’_ wouldn’t let them get into situations that could lead them to be needlessly killed. Had something unexpected happened? Something not even _‘he’_ could predict? Though it seemed impossible to think there was something _‘that person’_ couldn’t predict…

“Tobisaki!” Gamō prodded when he didn’t reply. “So did the Lieutenant Colonel really have someone? How was this person?”

“You’ll have to ask the Lieutenant Colonel that,” Tobisaki stated, not feeling like discussing this with Gamō. Besides… he wasn’t sure what Gamō was implying applied to the relationship between those two. He never quite understood what was going between them. They were… their own brand of close and that was all Tobisaki could get.

“That person is dead now though, right?” Gamō replied with a calm shrug. “What’s the point in keeping the secret? And won’t it hurt the Lieutenant Colonel more if I’ll go and ask him?”

“Then don’t ask and let things be.”

“No way. It’ll be easier to help him find a woman if I know what I should look for.”

“It’ll be easier to do what?!” Tobisaki looked at him, appalled.

“If he wants to raise that kid he needs a woman to help him, doesn’t he? Raising a kid is a woman’s job. Besides it won’t be a bad thing for him too to have a woman,” Gamō countered calmly.

“From what I know the Lieutenant Colonel’s father already picked up a fiancé for him. He doesn’t need your help in picking up another woman, you’ll only end up troubling him,” Tobisaki pointed out, trying to dissuade Gamō from messing up with the man’s life.

Tobisaki had no idea why some people felt they needed to do such things. He found extremely annoying when the other people in that place had tried to persuade him to hook up with someone. He had followed his seduction lessons as well as everyone else and knew how to put them to good use if he were required to. He didn’t see any need to use what he had learnt outside of work just for the sake of spending a night with someone… or even just deluding someone he liked that person. If the others found him strange… well, it was their problem, not his.

Gamō sighed. Well, it wasn’t surprising if the Lieutenant Colonel’s family had picked up a woman for him… Gamō’s family had done the same with him as well. He’d meet her twice before being sent on the frontlines. As expected she had been pretty, quiet, well mannered, obedient and polite. He didn’t fall in love with her first sight but, back then, he thought she wouldn’t make a bad wife as she was related to a high officer and seemed to know how she was expected to act. Then he was sent to war… and then she died under a bombing. He didn’t miss her, he barely knew her and couldn’t feel sad for her death more than he felt sad for all the many people who had died under the various bombing. He just… didn’t know what to feel for the person that, had things gone differently, would have ended up being his wife and the mother of his children.

He wondered if the Lieutenant Colonel felt the same, being tied to a stranger he probably barely knew… when, if he caught correctly what whose few words implied, he actually used to have a person he had liked much more in Tokyo. A person that was dead now. Gamō frowned. Knowing the Lieutenant Colonel and his sense of honour it probably didn’t matter how much he had loved this person in Tokyo, he likely didn’t do so much as to brush that person with a single finger in respect to the fiancé his family picked up for him. Life sucked, really.

“Ne, Tobisaki, what about you? Is the pretty girl in the photo you carry around waiting for you someplace in Tokyo?” he asked. Tobisaki stared at him then lowered his gaze.

“She’s dead and we weren’t in that sort of relationship. I’m fine on my own,” he admitted. “And I don’t need you to try to rope me in some sort of relationship,” he warned. Gamō sighed. Really, Tobisaki was so sure he was a lone wolf he seemed to miss he actually felt lonely as much as the next guy. But well, there would be time to help him understand that.

“What about getting us some Sake then?” he proposed, even if he didn’t sound enthusiastic at the idea. He should be, he used to like Sake… but on the battleground Sake had became both a luxury and a danger in which they couldn’t indulge so… he had sort of grown disaffectionate to it, as if sake was a treacherous thing that secretly plotted on his downfall.

“Let’s go to bed instead. The Lieutenant Colonel was right. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day,” Tobisaki suggested. Gamō nodded and so the two stood and reached their own rooms.

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

**1\. Sentō (銭湯):** It’s a type of Japanese communal bath house where customers pay for entrance. During the war many of them ended up destroyed hence that’s why the boys had problems finding one.

**2\. Onsen (温泉):** It’s a Japanese hot spring but are also called as such the bathing facilities and inns frequently situated around them. Onsen were traditionally used as public bathing places and, same as in the Sentō, you’ve to wash yourself before entering in the water. In present day Kure has an Onsen near the station, the Yamato Onsen Monogatari (大和温泉物語). No idea if it existed in 1945 but let’s pretend it did. As of now children younger than Elementary Students wouldn’t be allowed to enter in it, but well, let’s pretend that they made an exception for Katsuhiko. Or that back then this rule wasn’t applied yet. Your pick.

**3\. Heavenly, heavenly:** It seems Japanese people who enter in Sentō or Onsen would often end up on saying _‘Gokuraku, Gokuraku’_ which means _‘Heaven, heaven’_. I changed the sentence a little for better flowing but you get the idea.

**4\. Hina-Matsuri (雛祭り):** “Doll festival”. It’s a festival celebrated each year on March 3. Platforms covered with a red carpet are used to display a set of ornamental dolls (雛人形 Hina-ningyō) representing the Emperor, the Empress, attendants, and musicians in traditional court dress of the Heian period. They are noted for their rich silk brocades and dignified presence. The Hina-Matsuri is also called Girls’ Day, opposed to the Boys’ Day or Boys’ Festival (端午の節句 Tango no Sekku) which falls on May 5 and on which warrior dolls (武者人形 Musha-ningyō) are displayed. They feature great figures and heroic episodes from Japan's martial past. Stories about these figures told by older people to young males instilled ethics and values, and passed on heritage and pride in the past. Embodying the martial spirit of the samurai, these figures are decked out in full military regalia with lacquered armour, swords, arrows, bows, and other assorted weapons. Now… for us western it might not mean much that Tobisaki compared Katsuhiko to an ornamental doll but actually his comparison is much more descriptive of Katsuhiko that it seems. In Japan there are various types of dolls, like the palace dolls (御所人形 Gosho-ningyō) depicting chubby boys around the age of three to five, noted for their plump limbs, bright expressions and playful postures which originally were given as gifts within the imperial family and the Ichimatsu dolls (市松人形 Ichimatsu-ningyō) or huggable dolls (Daki-ningyō) which were specifically designed to be loved and cared for, complete with numerous changes of clothing and so on. Tobisaki is subconsciously comparing Katsuhiko to a specific doll because in him he sees nothing of the warrior or of the chubby, playful child or of someone who exists to be hugged a loved. Katsuhiko is pretty enough he could be put on display and, even if Tobisaki is realizing it only subconsciously, Katsuhiko has sort of a dignified presence when calm… though neither Tobisaki nor Gamō are consciously realizing it because it simply doesn’t fit with Katsuhiko’s image of being a dirty, poor, abandoned child who survived either by stealing or begging. Sadly there was no way to fit all this in the fic in a way that would sound natural, hence this long note.

**5\. Katsuhiko and the handsome person he resembles:** Of course said person is Miyoshi, who’s canonically very handsome.

**6\. Japanese propaganda against Americans:** Japanese people were told Americans would commit rape, torture, and murder and therefore it was preferable for them to kill themselves rather than surrender. Japanese people also had the idea that surrender was dishonourable and so who surrendered didn’t deserve respect. While Tobisaki thinks that this is partly due to propaganda and that the westerns have different views toward surrender… well, he’s still worried that the Americans won’t be nice with a defeated country which had attacked them.

**7\. Kure, the Navy and Sakuma:** During WW2 Kure acted as Japan's single largest naval base and arsenal and most of the city's industry and workforce were employed in the service of the naval installations, munitions factories and associated support functions. I take this means the major military force in the city was the Navy. Now in Japan, during _‘Joker Game’_ time, the Navy and the Army were apparently two strongly divided corps, hence Sakuma doesn’t feel like reporting to the Navy… and I’m assuming that, since the Navy presence is so big, the Army’s presence in the city is negligible. I might be wrong as I couldn’t really find info in this regard. It also seems that back then, while soldiers were supposed to blindly obey to orders, they also had a certain autonomy in how to handle tasks, hence Sakuma can decide that, since they can’t go back in China and the Colonel can’t report anymore (as he killed himself), he’ll go report in his place in Tokyo.

**8\. Gamō’s family:** There are no info on anime Gamō’s family so I made their fate up. Yeah, they ended up all dead. It wasn’t a nice fate. Sorry, Gamō.

**9\. Odagiri/Tobisaki and Gamō’s obedience to Sakuma:** In case I failed to deliver it well, Odagiri/Tobisaki is simply worn out by the war. While he doesn’t want to die yet, he doesn’t know what to do with his life. That’s why, even if he could make his own decisions and probably they would be even smarter than the ones Sakuma can make, he prefers to leave the lead to Sakuma and merely follow him. Gamō instead is just loyal out of thankfulness as Sakuma took care of him in his darkest hour. Oh, and both are worried Sakuma won’t take care of his own survival once he has done with reporting so they think it’ll do good to check on him.

**10\. Soldiers, commanders and family:** The system got screwed along the way but originally Japanese soldiers were supposed to see the Army as a family and their superior officers as parents. As Sakuma managed to care for his men and to have them care back it’s easy for Gamō to see him as _‘family’_.

**11\. Yukata (浴衣):** A Japanese garment, fundamentally a casual summer kimono usually made of cotton or synthetic fabric, and unlined.

**12\. Geta (下駄):** Traditional Japanese footwear. A kind of sandals with an elevated wooden base held onto the foot with a fabric thong to keep the foot well above the ground.

**13\. Sashimi (刺身) with Kobe beef (神戸ビーフ):** Sashimi is a Japanese delicacy consisting of very fresh raw meat or fish sliced into thin pieces. The Kobe beef is beef from the Tajima strain of Wagyu cattle, raised in Japan's Hyogo Prefecture according to rules as set out by the Kobe Beef Marketing and Distribution Promotion Association. The meat is a delicacy renowned for its flavour, tenderness, and fatty, well-marbled texture. Kobe beef can be prepared as steak, sukiyaki, shabu shabu, sashimi, and teppanyaki and is generally considered one of the three top brands. After all this it should be easy for everyone to figure out it’s an expensive food. Well, at least in present day. Maybe back then not everything was exactly the same but I think it still was renewed and expensive.

**14\. Edomae Sushi:** Basically Sushi in Edo (old Tokyo) style. For who’s interested in it, Edo style cuisine are known to be saltier and sweeter compared to other cuisines in Japan and it seems that Edomae Sushi can be a pretty expensive dish.

**15\. Kaiseki-ryōri (懐石料理) :** “Kaiseki cuisine”. A traditional multi-course Japanese dinner, which consists of several dishes. Preparation of Kaiseki is considered an art, which is a couple of hundred years old. Hence Kaiseki-ryōri is rather expensive.

**16\. Kare Raisu (カレーライス):** “Curry Rice”. It is cooked rice with a Japanese curry sauce. It can be served with additional toppings. Curry is not a native Japanese spice, but has been used in Japan for over a century. Kare Raisu is a very popular dish, and many inexpensive Kare Raisu restaurants can be found especially in and around train stations. In present day it is listed among Kure’s gourmet foods.

**17\. Oyakodon (親子丼) :** It means "Parent-and-child Donburi" and is a Donburi, or Japanese rice bowl dish, in which chicken, egg, sliced scallion (or sometimes regular onions), and other ingredients are all simmered together in a sauce and then served on top of a large bowl of rice. It seems that there’s no special etiquette to eat it, the only rule is not to stick the chopsticks straight out of the rice bowl as this is how offerings are presented to the dead.

**18\. Kayu ( 粥):** It is Japanese rice porridge made by slow cooking rice in lots of water. It tends to be thicker than other types of rice porridge or gruel, and is a suitable dish for using left over rice. Kayu is often garnished with Umeboshi, and is commonly served to sick people because it is easily digestible.

**19\. Chahan (チャーハン):** Fried rice dish that was originally introduced from China. There are an infinite variety of ingredients that can be added to fried rice. Some common ones are peas, egg, green onions, carrots and pork. Chahan is a suitable dish for using left over rice.

**20\. Bocchan (坊っちゃん):** It’s a respectful way to call someone else’s son, though you can translate it as _‘young master’_ or to imply that the person you’re using it for is a _‘green young man from a well-to-do family’_. I didn’t use its translation because it feels it doesn’t cover exactly all the nuances of this word. Forgive me about it. Anyway, for Katsuhiko it comes as a surprise to be called as such because implies that everyone is now being respectful with him and this is happening only because Sakuma had washed him, given him clean clothes and cut and combed his hair.

**21\. Udon (饂飩, usually written as うどん) :** A type of thick wheat flour noodle of Japanese cuisine. Udon is often served hot as a noodle soup. The **Hoso Udon** are a type of Udon, thin white noodles made from flour and are one of Kure’s specialties. Depending on how your Udon are served, the way of eating differs. When Udon are served with a dipping sauce, take a few strands of noodles and dip them into the sauce before eating them. Use then chopsticks to lead the noodles into your mouth while making a slurping sound. The slurping enhances the flavours and helps cool down the hot noodles as they enter your mouth. If there is a broth, it is drunk directly from the bowl, eliminating the need for a spoon. It is not considered rude to leave some unfinished soup in the bowl at the end of the meal.

**22\. Reimen (冷麺) :** A variation of Naengmyeon, a North Korean cold noodle soup, introduced by Korean immigrants. The **Kure Reimen (呉冷麺)** is typical of Kure and is a type of Reimen that has flat noodles and it served in a sweet, sour and spicy soup. It has been a favourite with locals for generations.

**23\. Nikujaga (肉じゃが) :** It means “Meat-potato” and is a Japanese dish of meat, potatoes and onion stewed in sweetened soy sauce, sometimes with Ito Konnyaku and vegetables. Generally, potatoes make up the bulk of the dish, with meat mostly serving as a source of flavour. It is usually boiled until most of the liquid has been reduced. Thinly sliced beef is the most common meat used, although minced/ground beef is also popular. Pork is often used instead of beef in eastern Japan. Nikujaga is a common home-cooked winter dish, served with a bowl of white rice and Miso soup and is also listed among the dishes typical of Kure.

**24\. D Agency’s resident narcissist:** Miyoshi is canonically stated as a narcissist and it’s implied he takes great care of his look.

**25\. Haircuts:** It wasn’t just the people in the Army, many kids sported closely cut hair back then which also helped with the lice problem. Note that after WW2 there was an outbreak of Pediculosis in Japan so the fact that Katsu-chan didn’t get it despite living in poor hygienic conditions is surprising (well, technically the same goes for the fact that Sakuma, Tobisaki and Gamō don’t have it… :P Ah, the luck of being fanfic characters helped them to be spared from it… ^_-).

**26\. Miyoshi’s quote about haircut:** I hope you’ll forgive me if I ended up quoting a sentence Miyoshi will say in my fic _‘A learning experience’_ chap 4.

**27\. Tobisaki and Nogami Yuriko:** First of all, in regard to Nogami Yuriko, I’m following the anime continuity (in the novel and D no Maō her fate is greatly different). Anyway, although Yuriko is depicted as important to Tobisaki/Odagiri in Ep 12, through it we never see him talking to her, not even once. Even though Tobisaki was at first assigned in Manchuria where she also went… I assume things hadn’t changed between them. He kept on gazing at her from afar, unable to get closer.

**28\. Gamō’s thought about Tobisaki and Sakuma’s previous relation:** Just to play on the safe side no, Gamō isn’t thinking Sakuma and Tobisaki were in a relation nor he has interest in being in a relation with Sakuma. He’s thinking at something else entirely.

**29\. Tobisaki and Miyoshi:** No, Tobisaki didn’t know Miyoshi was dead. Sakuma didn’t feel up on sharing that info and Tobisaki wasn’t in contact with D Agency by quite a while so he couldn’t know. When, due to Sakuma’s reply, he figures Miyoshi is dead, he thinks Sakuma knows about it because it happened while he was still working at D Agency. He has no idea Yūki went so far as to personally inform Sakuma about it after Miyoshi’s death.

**30\. Graduation case:** D Agency students were given a graduation case which works as a graduation exam before being acknowledged as spies and leaving D Agency to start working as such. Tobisaki’s graduation case was the one entrusted to him in Ep 12. I’m assuming that Tobisaki was the first of the students to get a graduation case so, when he resigned, Miyoshi hadn’t been given his graduation case yet and that’s why Tobisaki thinks something could have happened to Miyoshi during it.

**31\. Sakuma’s fiancé:** Back then it wasn’t so strange for parents to arrange marriages and it was each child’s duty to get married and produce offspring, especially during the timeframe in which **‘Joker Game’** take places in which child making was a duty of every patriot, of every family. Of course parents didn’t need to ask children their opinion about the whole marriage thing, the kids were just expected to obey to their parents’ wishes and that’s it. Hence I’m assuming Sakuma’s father took care to decide for his son who he would eventually have to marry, therefore that’s why Sakuma ended up on having a fiancé with whom he was expected to produce offspring so as to continue the family line… a not so uncommon fate back then.

**32\. Seduction lessons:** I’m sure everyone remembers it but in case there’s someone who doesn’t D Agency students received lessons on the art of seduction.

**33\. Gamō’s fiancé:** Of course there’s no mention of Gamō having a fiancé in **‘Joker Game’** but, same as Sakuma, I’ve assumed he might have had parents who would have gotten one for him… and then I had killed her off in a bombing attack. I guess this was sort of mean from me… ^_^; As you might have noticed though, Gamō isn’t grief stricken at her death. It’s not because he’s cruel or uncaring. He barely knew her and didn’t have particular feelings toward her so since he misses an emotional connection with her, he doesn’t feel a real sense of loss for her death beyond a vague wondering for what could have been.

**34\. Sake (酒):** Japanese rice wine made by fermenting rice that has been polished to remove the bran. Sake is produced by a brewing process more like that of beer, where the starch is converted into sugars before being converted to alcohol. Drinking Sake was used by the soldiers as an easy way to escape the fear of death… but, of course, it was a system that came along with all the problems being intoxicated caused. That’s why Gamō views sake as treacherous, because in his promise to dull fear it also dulls senses and brain and made easier for them to make a mistake that would have gotten them killed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In regards to this chapter I’ve to apology as, since it’s just a transitional chapter, it was meant to contain also the part about the guys leaving Kure (and some flashbacks with Miyoshi, Sakuma and Tobisaki) but due to the length it reached… well, I was forced to cut so as not to make it too big.
> 
> The good part of this is that part of the research that ended up not being used for this chapter will go in the next, hence part of my job is already done… :P
> 
> With this chapter we also get a look into little Katsuhiko’s perspective. While Sakuma and Co surely didn’t have it easy on the battlefront, for a child so young, no matter how bright and knowledgeable, having to survive on his own in such harsh times was really terrible back then.
> 
> And, of course, if you’re a child of four that’s growing up in such a harsh environment, you end up on acting and thinking differently from a man of around 28 who went to university and grew up in more than pleasant environment, never having it rough (that’s how the novel describes the D Agency students), hence, although Katsuhiko is similar to Miyoshi, he’s also rather different from him as, what for Miyoshi was normal, for Katsuhiko is something he can’t even imagine could happen to him daily.
> 
> So, sorry to whoever hopes he’ll just be a smaller Miyoshi but Katsuhiko couldn’t be exactly like him.
> 
> Anyway, with the next part, if everything goes as it should, the guys will finally reach Tokyo. Hopefully.


	3. Chapter 3

He found himself squeezing his eyes slightly as he looked inside the room. Everything seemed so shiny on that morning, almost unnaturally so, as if the dorms were filled with light. He shouldn’t be there, he knew that, he knew that when he saw the others leaving the place in a rush… well, that had been a good warning sign about how he should have done the same as well… but he refused to let himself be intimidated and that was why he was standing on the door, looking curiously at Miyoshi as the other was studying himself on a mirror with a frown on his face, a pair of scissors in his hand and the look of one who didn’t know where to start with the task he had at hands.

“Get out. You’ll end up distracting me,” Miyoshi snapped in Sakuma’s direction without even sparing him a glance. Sakuma knew that tone. It was the one that promised hell to everyone that were to make the mistake of crossing Miyoshi. “And you’ll regret it if you’ll cause me to make a mess,” Miyoshi then added and Sakuma also knew that, if Miyoshi felt the need to warn him about consequences, it meant they would be really, **REALLY** serious.

Oh, he thought. That was why everyone had left. Miyoshi was attempting to cut his own hair and, evidently, he was considering the matter more delicate than some sort of extremely complex chirurgical operation. It was, in a way. Everyone still remembered painfully well Miyoshi’s complains and sour mood when it turned out his hair wasn’t perfectly cut the last time it had needed to be shortened. Sakuma had the feeling even the Lieutenant Colonel had felt like he couldn’t deal with Miyoshi anymore after the first week of that. And Miyoshi’s bad mood had lasted **A FULL MONTH**. Talk about torture.

Still Sakuma crossed his arms and leaned on the frame of the door, refusing to let a Second Lieutenant order him around, consequences be damned. He was an Imperial Soldier after all. He could put up with Miyoshi. Maybe. Anyway hell would freeze over before he would let Miyoshi scare him.

“You know, you’ll make your life simpler if you’ll just go to a barber and let him do the job,” he stated. Miyoshi, this time, turned toward him, to give him one of his most smouldering glares.

“Sakuma-san. Don’t you remember the mess that guy did the last time?”

“The only thing I really remember is you complaining for a whole month about it. There are other barbers. Go find someone else.” Miyoshi didn’t dignify him an answer as, evidently, the mistake of a single barber doomed the whole category in his eyes, and returned on trying to decide how he was supposed to cut his hair, yet he didn’t seem capable to bring himself to do it. Really, that guy fussed too much on his look. He would probably never forgive himself if he were the one to make a mess, which explained how, for once, he was hesitating in doing something. Sakuma sighed then walked inside. Evidently almost being leaded to commit Harakiri had a bad influence on him. It likely left him with a pent up suicidal wish.

“I told you…” Miyoshi began in a tone that would have made escape anyone with an ounce of survival instinct.

“Let me do it,” he cut him, stretching his hand toward him. Miyoshi blinked at that, for once staring at Sakuma’s outstretched hand with a confused look on his face.

“Do you have an idea how to do it?” Miyoshi asked him then, in a suspicious tone. As if Miyoshi knew how to do it, Sakuma thought, feeling tempted to roll his eyes.

“Not in the slightest but I can follow directions and, if this turns out to be a disaster, you’ll feel better if you’ve someone else to yell at who’s not yourself,” he offered.

“Sakuma-san…” Miyoshi began in an annoyed tone that was, however, much tamer than the one he used before, only to have the scissors being taken from him.

“Stop being contrary and let’s get this done. On your own you’ll wait till the end of the world before you’ll manage to start. So what exactly do you want me to cut?” This time Miyoshi’s glare seemed more like a childish pout. Sakuma had the good sense to refrain himself from chuckling.

“That’s not so simple. It has to be shorter. Slightly. Not too much. I mean…” Miyoshi began ranting about the minute details of how his hair was supposed to look. Sakuma let him talk. No one in the whole place cared about how Miyoshi’s hair was… well, apart from Miyoshi. He wondered if this made him feel… lonely somehow, since no one cared about something that, for him, was so important. Maybe it’ll do well to him to vent a bit about it and feel like what mattered for him, also mattered for someone else. “Did you get it?” Miyoshi finally asked him.

“Just that it has to be shorter. You should make things simpler for us poor Army guys who’ve not your intellect,” he commented with a bit of sarcasm, before taking a strand of Miyoshi’s hair and bringing the scissors closer to it. “This length?” Miyoshi pecked at the mirror so as to judge the situation and be capable to give him directions.

“A bit longer. No, don’t cut yet, not like this, shorter. No, that’s not it either, just don’t move. Sakuma-san, don’t try to cut, you’re not even holding the scissors straight you’ll cut in an uneven manner and… that’s still uneven, don’t! And… no, that’s too much, don’t you dare to cut, you…”

“Miyoshi,” Sakuma cut him with an exasperated sigh after he had to listen to fifteen minutes of that without even managing to cut a single hair. Sakuma knew he should have told Miyoshi to quit making a fuss, that it was just hair, that he could do it on his own if he really had to be so terrible about it. Really, Sakuma should have done it. He didn’t. “I told you I’ll follow your instructions. I won’t cut until you say it’s all right to. So don’t worry about me cutting when it’s not all right to cut, okay?” It was a matter of trust, after all, and Miyoshi was bad at trusting people that weren’t himself… and it seemed that, on this matter, he even had troubles trusting himself so Sakuma should probably try to be tolerant. It’ll probably be a good exercise for self control because if he were to manage to stay calm and not to strangle Miyoshi… well, then nothing in the future would manage to upset him.

“I don’t want you to make a mess,” Miyoshi stated defensively.

“I won’t. You know how you want your hair and I know how to follow instructions so let’s try to start with this again.” This time Miyoshi tried to be more reasonable and cooperative and they managed to find an acceptable length and Sakuma was holding the scissors straight and he could have done the first cut if it wasn’t for the fact he realized Miyoshi was actually holding his breath as he waited for Sakuma to cut and Sakuma simply couldn’t help but end up on chuckling because this was getting too much.

“Sakuma-san! You…” Miyoshi fumed. “Oh, let me do it by myself, you’re useless!” he spat angrily trying to reach for the scissors. Sakuma didn’t let him take them.

“Sorry. Sorry, it’s just…” …it was just Sakuma had thought there had been something… cute in him in that moment but Sakuma couldn’t say it out loud. “Don’t get angry, don’t get angry, now I got the hang of this.”

“You’re not taking this seriously,” Miyoshi grumbled irritably. “You’re here just to make fun of me.”

“I get it, it’s important for you so I’ll take it seriously, all right? It was just… this situation is a bit unusual,” he managed to explain, which wasn’t a lie. It was just a roundabout way to say the truth.

“Maybe it is…” Miyoshi agreed reluctantly. All right, if he was so prone to overlook what Sakuma did he really was in dire need of help, Sakuma decided.

“Don’t worry, I’ll do a fine work. You’ve my word,” he promised. Miyoshi studied him for a moment.

“That’ll suffice. I know Sakuma-san would never break his word,” he agreed in the end. Sure, it took Miyoshi a year and see Sakuma about to attempt Harakiri before figuring it out but he did it and it should mean something, at least in Sakuma’s books. Miyoshi didn’t trust other people easily…

… and Sakuma did a fine work in the end. It was a long work, with Miyoshi taking hours before deciding when it was all right to cut, and Sakuma mentally thanked all the divinities he knew that Miyoshi’s hair wasn’t so long it needed a lot of trimming otherwise they would have been at it for a year or more but, when it was done and Miyoshi was studying himself in the mirror, searching for imperfections that might have escaped him and smiling with the satisfied expression of a child that finally got things his way as it seemed his hair was actually cut to his liking, Sakuma ended up allowing himself a quick fond smile before motioning to leave and let up to Miyoshi the cleanup of the room.

“You know, Sakuma-san, you’re not bad at this at all,” Miyoshi began as Sakuma made his first step in the door’s direction. “You could…” Sakuma paused and turned toward him.

“End that sentence the way I think you’re planning to end it and I’ll have Kaminaga and Hatano hold you down while I’ll personally give you a military haircut,” he warned. Miyoshi chuckled at that, clearly not taking his treat seriously.

“You won’t,” he stated with a mischievous grin that made Sakuma think of a certain grinning cat in a tale he read when he was a child. “Three against one isn’t your style.” Unluckily true but, on his own, it would be nearly impossible for him to hold Miyoshi down and cut his hair as well. He had no time to think to a comeback through as Miyoshi closed the distance that divided them and rested his forehead against Sakuma’s chest. He felt Miyoshi’s scent, his weight and warmness against him as an odd feeling pooled in his stomach, a painful, desperate longing, the regret for something precious that had gone lost, the helplessness as he knew there was nothing to do about it.

The light in the room dimmed quickly, as if a cloud had covered the sun, no, as if sunset had started abruptly and way too fast and night was about to fall and then…

“Thank you. You took this seriously and did a fine work as you said,” he heard Miyoshi saying, only the words seemed distant, far, and laced with a sadness he couldn’t explain and he blinked as an odd thought crossed his mind… _‘this had already happened, this had…’_ …then wrapped his arms around Miyoshi as tightly as he could as the truth dawned on him. This **HAD** already happened. This… this wasn’t real, this was just a memory, a dream, this… the truth was… was…

“I miss you…” he whispered to the one in his arms. “Miyoshi. I so miss you…”

It didn’t matter if they had spent more time arguing than getting along, it didn’t matter if Miyoshi’s character was terrible and infuriating, somehow… somehow Miyoshi had grown to become special to him. And now… he won’t see him ever again. Now he couldn’t see him ever again.

“I miss you so much, Miyoshi…”

Miyoshi didn’t reply. It wouldn’t have been in his style even if this hadn’t been just something Sakuma’s mind conjured, a happy dream from which, however, he was bound to wake up. He didn’t want to, he didn’t want to let him go even if he knew it would change nothing, that ultimately this would end and he could only held Miyoshi tighter as he called his name and…

* * *

Katsuhiko frowned as he heard someone call his name. No. No, it wasn’t his name only it had felt like it was even if it didn’t sound like his name at all, only… maybe he was just sleepy, he mused as he rubbed his face tiredly and felt confused when he realized that he was lying on something soft, something that wasn’t muddy or dusty or cold or too hot or too rough. Something that was covered with… cloth, it seemed.

And then… he swallowed as he realized something that should have dawned on him sooner, something he should have worried about sooner. He wasn’t alone there. There was a person next to him, a… a big man it seemed… a man who had wrapped one of his arms around him and was holding him against himself and… and why he only felt confused and not scared or worried at all? It was bad when grown up were lying next to you, it was bad, only he didn’t feel hurt anywhere, and that person’s arm wasn’t so much as trapping him more like… he had no idea, he only knew it felt warm… nice… and this was scary in a way, because it made him weak and unwilling to escape that grasp and he knew it could be dangerous, he saw what adults could do, he…

The person next to him shifted his position, again called a name that felt as if it was his own and yet was nothing like his own name. It was… sort of a desperate moan and Katsuhiko has never heard someone saying a name in such way. It bothered him somehow, it made him want to answer even if he wasn’t the one being called, it made him feel… pain… even if he had no idea why.

He forced himself to try and slid out of that grasp, to sit up, and his gaze finally fell on the face of the one holding him. His mind came up with a name for that person, a name he never heard before, when he finally truly remembered who this person was. This guy was the one the other men had called the _‘Lieutenant Colonel’_. This guy was the one who, the day before, had taken care of him and had bathed him and dressed him and fed him and, for once, had made him feel as if he were a real person, and not some sort of garbage his parents had tossed away and everyone was trying to kick as far as possible from them.

The memory of the previous day… it seemed almost surreal, the memory of a dream. However… how had he ended up lying next to the man in the end? What had happened? As his thoughts were racing, he saw the other’s eyes cracking open slightly, the man’s gaze turning on him. He stilled, like a deer caught in the headlight.

_‘Careful here. When Sakuma-san is half asleep he tends to attack first and make sure if you’re a friend or foe after. You might end up getting almost strangled like that person if you’re not prudent…’_

Why did he knew such things? Who were the people his mind talked about? Was he going to be hurt? Could he escape?

The man blinked as he stared at him, called in a questioning tone the name he’d been moaning moments ago then recognition seemed to dawn on him.

“Oh. Katsu-chan. Did I wake you up? Sorry about it.” The tone had been… gentle, Katsuhiko decided, yet there was… something sad, something disappointed in it, as if Katsuhiko wasn’t the one he was hoping to see. Maybe… maybe the one he had wanted to see was that other person, the one those name he’d been moaning. It shouldn’t matter and yet… it hurt somehow, even if Katsuhiko had no idea why. This man… this man was so confusing…

The man sat up, shaking his head slightly as if attempting to wake up more. Katsuhiko tossed a quick glance at the room but couldn’t see any possibility of escape from that place, should things turn dangerous. The door was closed and on the opposite side of the bed on which he was. The window was opened… but he had the feeling that, if he were to jump from there, it would probably kill him. He was trapped… and he could only wonder why it didn’t feel as scary as it should.

“It’s still too early to get up. You should go back to sleep, Katsu-chan,” the man told him. “Sorry for waking you up.”

“You were moaning a name,” Katsu-chan informed him and Sakuma winced. He normally wasn’t a sleep talker so, in his books, it wasn’t a good sign if he was turning into one. It wasn’t safe to be a sleep talker in those days. Still, he was about to apologize again for waking Katsu-chan up when the child anticipated him. “Where you dreaming of having sex with that person?”

The question left Sakuma gaping for a moment as it came totally unexpected, especially considering it had been done from a child of such a young age. Sure, _‘someone else’_ had no problems in nosing into such things but Katsu-chan wasn’t… he meant… he…

“Were you?” Katsu-chan prodded again.

“No. No, I… No. I just… It wasn’t that sort of dream.”

Maybe it would have been better if he only had that sort of dreams. They would only mean he wanted to get laid and he could easily take care of that sort of needs. The world was filled of people he could get laid with, for free or in exchange for money. There had been only one Miyoshi in this world though, only one person so infuriating, so smart, so alluring, so exasperating, so intriguing, so charming, so impossible, so special. There had been only one Miyoshi who made him feel the way Miyoshi had made him feel, like, despite all of Miyoshi’s many, oh so many faults, he wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his life with him, doing small things, talking about everything that came to their minds, arguing over the stupidest stuffs as if they were a matter of life or death, waking up together in the morning, sleeping together one entangled to the other in the night and… and of course doing what Katsu-chan had mentioned and who cared if the others were to judge it a perversion, who cared if it would put his career at risk, who cared if… but it hadn’t happened. It would never happen and thinking at how it could have been when, ultimately, it would never be, would lead him nowhere. He swallowed.

“It wasn’t that sort of dream, Katsu-chan. I just dreamt of a precious person and I guess… I called that name because I still miss that person so much… And I didn’t expect you would know such words,” he knew his attempt at switching topics was pretty pathetic but nothing better came up to his mind. Besides… really, Katsu-chan was a tad too young to say such things.

The child gave him a glance Sakuma was intimately familiar with, the glace that seemed to say _‘Sakuma-san, are you a complete moron or what? How could you think such an idiotic thing?’_ and it hurt somehow seeing such a glance on such a young face, completely out of place and yet fitting. For years he thought no one would ever look at him like that again and had told himself it was be a relief. Now he was made painfully aware he missed that glance too, the same way he missed everything of that person and…

“All right. It was stupid of me,” he admitted raising his hands in a placating gesture, the way he used to do when he’d been with… someone else. All considered he should have expected Katsu-chan to know. A child that lived in the streets was probably forced to know about this. It was rather sad but he was sure Katsu-chan wouldn’t appreciate being pitied. “You’re a smart boy, Katsu-chan. Of course you would know.”

Katsu-chan turned his gaze away at that, kept it lowered and seemed… to grow tense somehow.

“Is that what you want to do with me? Is that why we are here?” the child asked him in a low voice. “Is that why you fed me and… and everything else?”

“ **WHAT?** ” The astonishment in the man’s voice was so complete it told clearly enough he never, ever considered Katsuhiko would ask him something like that, that such thought was completely alien to him and the way he shifted away from Katsuhiko almost seemed to imply he expected Katsuhiko to be the one who would jump on him now. That or Katsuhiko finally managed to disgust him… which was normal and probably a good thing because it would mean the man wouldn’t touch him so… why the idea the man would reject him hurt as much as the idea the man had done all that for him only to get the chance to sleep with him? It made no sense, it made…

_‘Don’t be a complete moron, Sakuma-san isn’t that sort of person!’_

That random though laced with such absolute certain made no sense as well. He had no idea why such thing came to his mind as he couldn’t remember ever knowing a person called as such, or someone whose respectably he would vouch in such a heartfelt manner.

“No,” the man stated firmly. “That’s not why I did what I did. You’re a child, Katsu-chan. There’s no way in the world I could…”

“Adults do such things to children. I’ve seen it,” Katsuhiko cut in. Well, he actually didn’t quite see it as he managed to hide when it had happened. She was a girl who escaped from the orphanage with him. She was a little older than him and used him to look even more pitiful as she begged the passerby for food. She wasn’t nice with him, she beat him and called him names when people wasn’t looking and she also ate most of the food they collected… but it was all he had and it was better than the people at the orphanage as she couldn’t beat him as hard as them and so he remained with her. After all it wasn’t like he had another place where he could go.

That night… that night in which those men were chasing them, he managed to escape and to hide while she stumbled and remained behind. He couldn’t hide far though, he was close, close enough to hear the drunken voices, the desperate screams, the pitiful begging.

He remembered curling on himself, crying and covering his mouth so as to make sure he suffocated any possible sound he could make as he trembled in fear and mentally begged over and over for them not to discover him too.

He didn’t move from his hiding place even when silence fell and he couldn’t hear anything anymore. He didn’t move for a full day. And then for another day. Then… hunger pushed him to come out.

When he came out from his hiding place…he… well, he intellectually knew that what he saw were the mortal remains of the girl but… but what remained of her… it didn’t look like these were the remaining of what had been a human in the past… and he fell on his knees as he threw up painfully. He hadn’t been eating for two days so it had been mostly water and gastric fluids but he still couldn’t hold them inside any longer.

_‘That’s what happens to children who fall prey of adults. If you don’t want to end up the same way, you’ll have to do much better than what you’ve done till now.’_

He had stopped crying that day. He had stopped hoping someone would help him, someone would care for him. He lived on his own, taking care solely of himself. There was just himself after all, and he had no one else but himself who would take care of him if he wanted to survive.

He stopped begging for food, it made him too noticeable by the adults, he learnt how to steal instead. He was good at it if he remembered to keep into consideration his small size and his poor strength. Sometimes… it wasn’t so easy, sometimes he found himself thinking he could do things that instead would require him to be bigger, to be stronger. He managed to go on through. He discovered he was even very good at picking locks, as if someone had carefully taught him how to do it.

Slowly, he learnt his limits. He learnt to look confident, in control, because others were more prone to gang up on who looked weak. He learnt to be… invisible for most of the time, really. It wasn’t difficult, it was as if the knowledge was already inside him, it only needed to be polished and adapted to his situation.

And then he stumbled on a grown up man who was just… giving up on his life and… and it irked him somehow. No, not quite. He didn’t remember exactly what he told the man when they met, what he wasted his time telling to the man, because right then he shouldn’t have stopped to chitchat he should have been escaping. The words had just came up, as if they had been bottled up inside him by someone else and left there longing for a way out. He didn’t quite remember them. He only knew how things ended up after he said them. With him sitting with that same man in this bed, feeling confused and lost and trying not to show it because showing weakness only invited misfortune.

“I see,” the man said in the meantime. “You’re right, some adults do horrible things to children and deserve to be punished in the most severe way possible for this.” He said it so firmly, yet his voice, as he spoke to Katsuhiko, was gentle. Katsuhiko hated it because it made him feel an odd sense of longing and he… he didn’t want that. He wanted to survive. He didn’t want to be hurt. He… he should hate this person like he hated everyone else so it would make it easier to… to… “I’ll sleep on the floor then, so you won’t have to worry about me and will manage to rest at ease,” the man went on. “I probably should have done it in the first place. Sorry about it.”

Katsuhiko raised his head in surprise, stared at the other in confusion. He… he was leaving him the bed? He was really willing to leave him the bed? This soft bed? Without asking him anything in exchange? How was it possible?

He felt something pulling his hands and was confused when he looked down and realized that no, no one was pulling his hands, it was just he was clinging to the man’s pants and when the man had tried to move away he had ended up dragging Katsuhiko’s hands in the process. He swallowed. Why was he clinging to this man’s pants?

_‘I don’t want Sakuma-san to leave!’_

“Katsu-chan?”

The realization he didn’t want to be left alone hit Katsuhiko like a brick. He thought he had grown out of it, of the need to depend on people, of the need of having someone else taking care of him, telling him what to do. He didn’t need parents, he didn’t need adults. He could take care of himself. So why… why he didn’t want to let this person go? Why he wanted to trust this person even if he knew how he could end up? No, why he trusted this person already, against his better judgement? Why?

“I…” his voice failed him and he felt lost. He… he… he was forced to realize the fear of being left alone, of been left again on his own devices, of being left outside, without food, without decent clothes, without a place to sleep or someone to watch his back and stand up for him, was much worse than the fear of being hurt by this man and that, until then, he hadn’t rid himself of it, he had just tried hard to ignore it. Through all that time he’d been alone… he hadn’t been living, he’d been surviving but one can survive only for so long. He wanted the warmness this man radiated. The kindness, the patience, the praises, the gentle touch, the safety. He wanted…

_‘I want to return back home, Sakuma-san, I don’t want to die here…’_

“It doesn’t matter, you know?” Katsuhiko found himself stammering, head lowered. “It doesn’t matter to me if you hurt me as long as you… you…” he trailed out, unable to finish the sentence.

For a second, Sakuma could only stare at him, not knowing what to do.

_‘For example, if Japan lost the war, the people would promptly learn to take all their faith and put it in the antithesis of their original beliefs.’_

Was this what it meant to lose the war, Sakuma wondered. To bow your head and accept suffering the unsufferable because otherwise… otherwise…

No.

He didn’t want to hear Katsu-chan saying such things. He didn’t want him to do so much as to think such things. It would be like thinking that person ended up with having his overwhelming pride brutally crushed and ripped from him. No matter the many times Sakuma had complained about that pride, calling him overconfident and telling him it would do good to him to learn to be a bit more modest… he had never truly wanted to see him crushed. In the end, he had grown to love even that excessive confidence of his. Even though it was so irritating… he had loved it.

“Don’t,” he cut Katsu-chan’s sentence abruptly. “You must never let others hurt you, Katsu-chan. It’s never okay. No matter what.” The child turned his gaze on him, looking lost. He really had no idea what he was supposed to do now. “I don’t want to hurt you, Katsu-chan, but it’s all right if you don’t trust me, you know? I won’t hold it against you,” he told him gently. “I knew someone who was much older than you and yet we took a lot of time to learn to trust each other. We argued and we talked and we messed up but in the end we figured out we could put our faith in each other. That’s how it works. So it’s okay if you don’t trust me yet and don’t want me to be close to you. I won’t hold it against you. What is it you want, Katsu-chan?”

The child blinked, then swallowed. Again. Again this person was giving him the possibility to chose. As if he mattered. As if his opinion was worth listening.

“I… I want you to stay… and I want you… not to hurt me…” he managed to ask in a small voice.

“All right. Then we’ve a deal.” The man offered him his big hand to shake. Katsuhiko stared at it, then, slowly, placed his much smaller one in it. “I promise. No one will hurt you, Katsu-chan. I swear it on my life.”

_‘That’ll suffice. I know Sakuma-san would never break his word…’_

He could believe such promise, Katsuhiko thought, even if he had no idea why. He just… could. Then… the two of them went to lie down on the bed together. The man… he lied on his back, one of his arms crossed behind his head. Katsuhiko… lied on his chest, his head resting close to the man’s heart. It was… an odd way to sleep, he never slept over someone else but… but he didn’t feel trapped and he didn’t feel alone. He felt the man’s hand trailing through his hair soothingly and closed his eyes. It was nice. It was… a feeling that was familiar even though he had never experienced it. He had no idea how to explain it.

He yawned. The man did the same. It seemed… both of them were tired after all. In the end… it didn’t take them much to fall asleep again.

* * *

Gamō sighed as he and Tobisaki stood next to the railway. Although the station was operative… well, sort of… the building had been completely destroyed by the fire caused by one of the air raids of the past month and the conditions of the place weren’t good at all. It was easy to forget which was the state of the city they were in while they had been in the safe shelter of the Onsen but now that they were outside…

Gamō had seen his own share of destruction during the war and thought he had grown desensitized to it. After all, when one were to see destruction day after day after day, what started to look strange were the buildings that were still standing, not the ones that were burned or crumbled down. Really, if he’d been still in China, his only complain would have been that, with the building of the station burned down, now they had to stand under the sun.

They weren’t in China though and somehow destruction didn’t look the same when it befell your motherland. Even though charred buildings were more or less always looking the same… it was actually painful to see Japan in such state, painful in a way it hadn’t been to see another country being maimed like that. The half sunken ships in the bay, the houses without roofs, the charred, half destroyed buildings, the constructions that had been completely flattened on the ground, pieces of metal that once had belonged to edifices and that now was exposed to the sun like some weird artificial skeletons, the wooden homes of the commoners that had been completely reduced to ashes… and then the people trying to desperately go on with their life and people who couldn’t and instead wandered with a lost look in their eyes, bodies bandaged, limbs missing… and a sun so bright that seemed to force you to see all this, a sun that seemed to want to expose everything, to make you take notice of everything…

It wasn’t surprising, really, that who could had escaped on the nearby hills. Maybe, if this city hadn’t completely reduced to a ghost city, it was merely because the guys at the Naval Base couldn’t leave their position… and they could still provide money as customers.

Even though Kure wasn’t his birth city, even though he hadn’t been there before… This city was part of his homeland and its homeland’s wounds resonated on him too, as if a thin thread connected him with the landmass of Japan. His scars, Japan’s scars…

He sighed. They were both ruined. And there was nothing he could do about it, except to go on and deal with the consequences of the damage inflicted on them.

“Tobisaki, did you remind the Lieutenant Colonel not to overspend in clothes and other stuff for the kid?” Better talking, he thought. Better talking and taking care of what he could than let the misery of the situation around them take hold of him.

Tobisaki sighed in reply.

“Gamō. You told him at least fourteen times. Either he got it or he’ll ignore your suggestion.” _‘And it’s not your place to tell the Lieutenant Colonel what he should do. I thought you of all the people would know about it,’_ he thought but didn’t say. After all Gamō, although inferior in ranking, was older in age than the Lieutenant Colonel so he likely still felt allowed to nag him, even when it wasn’t his place. Besides the Lieutenant Colonel didn’t really seem to mind.

“That’s why you should have told him as well. You’re his friend by longer time, he’ll be more prone to listen you.”

Friends? Were they? Tobisaki had no idea. Sure, they knew each other by… years by now. Sure, they risked their life together, ate together, fought together, occasionally even laughed together. Did all this made two people _‘friends’_? He wasn’t sure how to feel in this regard.

He knew he didn’t want the Lieutenant Colonel to die. He knew in his own way he cared for him. For Gamō too. And also for the other soldiers who’d been with them… Yet… he didn’t know if he viewed them as friends though. He really wasn’t good at relating with others…

“And the Lieutenant Colonel is late. And that’s not like him,” Gamō went on. 

Tobisaki said nothing in reply. He knew the Lieutenant Colonel normally did all he know to be on time, but he also knew there had been one person who occasionally managed to toss out of the window the Lieutenant Colonel’s sense of punctuality and currently the Lieutenant Colonel currently was with a kid that reminded Tobisaki of that person tremendously. Really, they had to be related, there was no other explanation.

“We should have gone with him, really. Still the kid seemed a little more… normal this morning, don’t you think?”

In Tobisaki’s opinion, one of Gamō’s good sides was he was perfectly capable to keep up a not particularly meaningful conversation with him and he was also capable to do it all on his own, without needing Tobisaki to reply to each of his statements before moving to the next one. Tobisaki appreciated this. He appreciated how he wasn’t required to take an active part to it and how, even if he said nothing… the way Gamō talked to him, gave to the two of them an impression of normality as if they both were talking. Almost as if they were friends who got along well.

In truth… he and Gamō couldn’t be more different, character wise. Yet… they had ended often side by side and Tobisaki had grown used to Gamō’s presence. But that… had been during the war. Tobisaki wondered what will be of them now.

They’ll probably lose sight of each other and Gamō will find someone else to spend time with, someone who’ll see him as a friend. The Lieutenant Colonel too now had that kid to take care of. The other soldiers in their battalion… if they were to manage to return back to Japan… well, they would go back to their own families, wouldn’t they? What about him then? What was he supposed to do afterward, once they had reported to the General Staff Headquarters and… and…

“He was almost cute, I’ll say. Have you noticed the way he fussed on his hair?” Gamō’s words offered him a distraction from his worries. He was grateful for them… and yes, Tobisaki had noticed and it had only increased the resemblance with that other person. Tobisaki had no idea what to think in that regard.

“He seems to think people are kind to him because now his hair is _‘soft and fluffy’_ ,” Gamō went on. “Talk about naïve. But well, he’s a child, isn’t he? Children should act as children.”

They’ve seen too many children that had stopped looking as such. Katsuhiko wasn’t the only miserable one. War knew no pity, not even of children.

“And he clung to the Lieutenant Colonel a little more. This morning he was less of a doll and more of a person, wasn’t he? Oh, and he seemed very interested in going to buy clothes. Maybe that’s the first time someone bought him clothes.”

Yes, it was true, Tobisaki mentally agreed. Katsuhiko had been holding a little on the Lieutenant Colonel, had let the man fed him in a more natural manner, as if he got used to the whole thing, and then had been more than okay to go with him to buy clothes. Actually he had seemed… well, the closest thing to delighted he was capable to be at the idea, which again had reminded Tobisaki of that person.

“I still don’t think the Lieutenant Colonel should overspend on the kid, after all the little one had already something clean to wear, no need to go buy him other clothes, especially considering the times we’re in but well… maybe he thought a change of clothes wouldn’t hurt. Normal children tend to get dirty and that kid is a mess, after all. Maybe it makes sense he wanted him to have extra clean clothes. You know, in case he’ll get dirty.”

Yes, it would make sense. Tobisaki had no idea which point Gamō aimed to do with all that talking about the kid but well, so far what he said made sense.

“The Lieutenant Colonel said the kid is going to come to Tokyo with us. I guess we should start considering him as a part of our battalion, shouldn’t we?” Gamō nudged him, which meant Tobisaki this time was expected to answer. “Sort of like a mascot or something, don’t you think?”

So that was it. Gamō was trying to decide if they were supposed to continue to consider the kid as just someone the Lieutenant Colonel picked up on a temporal whim or if they had to start to think at him as a member of their battalion and therefore care for him as if he were a companion. A member of their battalion. As if there was still a battalion to talk of. Still, it was more comforting to see things in such light so…

“I guess,” he agreed. There was a pause of silence in which Gamō just gazed at him. Uncomfortable. Tobisaki wished Gamō would just resume talking.

“Hey, Tobisaki. What are you so worried about?” Gamō asked him out of the blue and no, this wasn’t what Tobisaki had been hoping he would say.

“I’m not worried…” Tobisaki began but Gamō wasn’t buying it.

“Spare me. You… Oh. The Lieutenant Colonel is back. And I bet he overspent on the kid,” he added with a frown. It was probably true considering he was carrying a bag likely filled with clothes, not mentioning the new ones Katsuhiko was wearing or the fact Katsuhiko was currently eating Odango from the skewer the Lieutenant Colonel was holding for him.

“Sorry for the waiting. We… lost track of time. What about the train?”

“It seems it’s late,” Gamō replied. “The service isn’t really working well. Actually it’s a miracle it’s working at all. By the way, didn’t he have breakfast already?” Why did the Lieutenant Colonel have to buy Odango for that kid? Food was scarce and damn expensive even for them and their Army salary. The economy was probably collapsing. It wasn’t the time to start spoiling the child by buying him sweets. Especially considering they had no idea for how long they would keep on getting an Army salary. Not mentioning Gamō couldn’t figure out where the Lieutenant Colonel had found a place that would sell Odango.

“Well, we got hungry, didn’t we, Katsu-chan?”

“We got hungry,” Katsuhiko confirmed before taking another bite of Odango and then chewing it slowly with an expression of bliss. There was to wonder how much of them the Lieutenant Colonel had eaten if he’d gotten a bite at all… though, there was to say that, even if all of them had lost weight during the war… well, the child looked much more emaciated than them. He was practically all skin and bones. Maybe it was better to feed him up so as to avoid he would end up getting sick or something.

“Can’t he eat at least that on his own?” Okay, even if Gamō was willing to relent and accept that maybe feeding him didn’t equate to spoiling him… well, at least, the Lieutenant Colonel shouldn’t have to feed him like that. The kid was young, but not that young he couldn’t hold a stick on his own.

“I’ll dirty my hands,” Katsuhiko explained, his tone slightly defensive, showing Gamō the palms of his hands for better emphasis. Tobisaki gaped at that. Really, the resemblance was just too much. “Nī-chan said not to dirty my hands,” Katsuhiko went on looking at the Lieutenant Colonel as if to imply he was the one he was calling _‘Nī-chan’_.

“Nī-chan?” Gamō echoed, eyes widening. That way to talk about the Lieutenant Colonel was completely inappropriate. Was he so young he had no idea how to speak to an adult or… “Hey, kid, it’s…”

“It’s all right. Nī-chan is fine,” the Lieutenant Colonel cut him. His expression… was odd though, melancholic. Something was up but Gamō had no idea what. “On more pressing issues… any relevant news on… the situation?” the Lieutenant Colonel asked before he could say anything else.

“It seems no Japanese city had been bombed after yesterday’s broadcast but the broadcast is all that common folks talk about. Maybe there was bombing and it just wasn’t considered relevant enough. The guys at the Naval Base are still trying to figure out what happened to Hiroshima. Their tales… are creepy as hell…” Gamō admitted, shuddering slightly. They had first learnt of Hiroshima by civilians and those tales had been bad but… but the gossips they heard from the sailors about the city status and what had caused it were worse.

“The city has been eaten up by the giant, shiny, purple monster-mushroom of smoke and fire,” Katsuhiko summarized. “There was a big flash and then the monster-mushroom appeared and rose up high in the sky as the wind made an amazing whooshing sound and then the city was no more. Everyone knows.” The calm way in which he said it felt creepy. Maybe he had spoken in such manner just because he was a child and didn’t quite get the gravity of what had happened. Or maybe he too had gotten used to the horrors of the war to the point he was unaffected by them.

“Well, I guess we’ll see the city with our eyes soon. We’ve to change trains at Hiroshima, after all,” Gamō commented. He wasn’t really looking forward to see it. He had the feeling it was a view that could end up haunting his dreams for a long while. 

“Does Hiroshima station work?” the Lieutenant Colonel asked him.

“It seems so. They put it back to work three days after…” Tobisaki trailed off. Kure was in a pitiful state but who had seen Hiroshima seemed to consider Kure as if it were a blessed city. He didn’t want to try to think at how bad Hiroshima’s situation was.

“Lieutenant Colonel… what if we try for another way?” Gamō suggested. “If the place is a mess… maybe it’ll end up delaying us.” It was a weak excuse but he couldn’t come up with anything better.

“It wasn’t a real city eating monster-mushroom that ate the city up. There was just a big explosion. You shouldn’t believe in everything people say,” Katsuhiko informed them in a dismissive tone, the Odango now completely finished. He didn’t understand why grown up were making all that fuss for that explosion that happened in the nearby city. They had explosions and fire here as well. How could the explosion in that city deserve so much attention? “You’re naïve if you believe in monsters. They don’t exist,” he concluded.

The brat, Sakuma thought. Yet Sakuma couldn’t help but think his attitude reminded him of someone, his gaze lost in a memory of long ago.

Tobisaki as well thought he was familiar with such attitude and looked at Katsuhiko in surprise. Really, that kid was starting to look a bit too much like that person.

“No one was being scared by your story about a city eating monster-mushroom,” Gamō commented snappily. “We’re worried about the status of the city… and you should act a little more respectful of your elders since you’re going to be part of our battalion.”

Katsu-chan blinked at that, then looked at Sakuma as if to ask for an explanation.

“Well, I guess it’s a way to put it,” Sakuma agreed then they all turned to look at the railway as the whistling of a train was heard. “Oh. Well, it seems it’s time to go,” Sakuma commented as they collected their military backpacks.

Sakuma saw the steam locomotive marching toward them steadily, a long trail of dark smoke coming out from the chimney. He exhaled slowly as he did his best to not remember why seeing trains pained him, turning his eyes away from it and letting his gaze fall on the child in his arms. Katsu-chan was watching the train suspicious, as if it were a strange beast to him, then his gaze shifted into something akin to fear as his small body tensed up and he clung to Sakuma.

“It’s all right, Katsu-chan, it’s just a train…” he said, but his voice lacked conviction. “You’ll like travelling on it, you’ll see...”

“I’m not going into that thing!” the kid stated instead in a panicked tone. “I’ll die if I’ll go inside! I’ll die! I…”

Sakuma stared at him. It… it shouldn’t mean what he thought it meant, should it? It was just a delusion, a dangerous though, a…

“What’s wrong with the kid?”

“Lieutenant Colonel?”

“I’ll die! I’ll die! I’ll die and then… then… I won’t be able to go back again and… and… I’ll die! I’ll die!” Katsuhiko himself had no idea why he was so scared, why he was so sure the train was dangerous, lethal. It was just… it was just as if he… he had already been inside one of them once… and everything had became cold and wrecked and… and… and it had hurt and… and… and there was blood and he was _dying_ and… and…

_‘Cold… I don’t want to die… I want to go back… I want to see you again… I… I… I want to return back home, Sakuma-san, I don’t want to die here… Sakuma-san… Sa…-kuma… -san…’_

“ **KATSU-CHAN!** ” The voice calling his name firmly cut through those feelings, those memories that were threatening to overwhelm him and caused him to stop screaming his fear. He was still panting though, grasping for breath, his head spinning and nausea filling him as he clung to the man in search of protection.

“Help me… I don’t want to die…” he whimpered.

“Katsu-chan,” the man repeated. His voice had an odd tone. It was so serious… “I swear it on my honour. Nothing will happen to you. No one will manage to touch you. Even if the Shinigami themselves were to show up… I will chase them back. You’ll stay perfectly safe, I swear.”

Katsuhiko wanted to reply those were just words, wanted to tell him not even he could defeat everything, that, of course, Shinigami didn’t exist, but the train did and it was a dead trap and yet…

_‘…Sakuma-san would never break his word…’_

He swallowed as he was again reminded of that. Not that it mattered, really, it didn’t matter if the man was determinate, this was simply…

_‘…Sakuma-san would never break his word…’_

He… no, he couldn’t believe… he could see the blood on those hands that were his and yet weren’t… it made no sense, he…

_‘…Sakuma-san would never break his word…’_

He clung tighter to the man. Was it really safe if he were to be with him?

“Lieutenant Colonel… if we want to take the train we’ve to go…” one of the other men said.

“Katsu-chan. I mean it. I won’t let anything happen to you, not even a scratch…”

_‘…Sakuma-san would never break his word…’_

“Lieutenant Colonel…” the other man urged them.

What would happen if he were to refuse to board the train? Would that man have to let him down? Would that man leave him behind? Would that man leave him here, alone?

“You’ll be safe, Katsu-chan. I promise.”

_‘…Sakuma-san would never break his word…’_

It was strange. When the man spoke… Katsuhiko’s irrational fear seemed to recede for a moment to then come back with a vengeance. It was like being tossed back and forth by the sea and he had no idea what to do.

“Lieutenant Colonel!”

“It’ll be safe, Katsu-chan.”

_‘…Sakuma-san would never break his word…’_

“Really?” he found himself asking, clinging to the man. “Will it really be safe?”

”Really. I swear it.”

_‘…Sakuma-san would never break his word…’_

It was so strange how that memory was laced with so many warm feelings… with absolute trust, with fond exasperation, with a weird sense of pride, with an odd sense of admiration, with the wish to stay with that person who would never break his word, with the wish to keep that person all for himself, with the reassuring knowledge that person would always, **ALWAYS** do what he says… so there was absolutely no need to be afraid… No matter what, that person would never take back his word…

Katsuhiko knew that, even if that memory existed inside him… it wasn’t exactly his. No, that memory, like many others were… someone else’s and he had been left to sort them… to use them… and to envy them. He had no one, no one he could trust so blindly… no one… and he wanted to… he wanted…

“Katsu-chan. No one will hurt you.”

“Say again. Say again because it’s scary… it’s so scary…” _‘Say the words that warm me up and chase away the fear… say those words that wake up such nice, reassuring feelings that aren’t mine but that I’d like to have… so that I can rob them and make them mine… the same way I’ve robbed that person’s knowledge and used it to survive… say them so they can chase away this fear that’s not mine but that haunts me…’_

__

Sakuma was unaware of all that was going through Katsu-chan’s mind as he repeated those words of reassurances as the child had asked him. He repeated them over and over as they finally boarded the train. He didn’t stop repeating them not even as he sat down next to Tobisaki, Katsu-chan still clinging to him. He repeated them he had no idea how many time until exhaustion won the child over and Katsu-chan ended up on finally falling asleep.

“Maybe he got involved in a train incident or something and that’s where he ended up losing his parents,” Gamō, who was seated in front of him, offered when he realized the child was sleeping. “Maybe that’s why he’s so scared of trains. Maybe he really almost died on one of them.” Tobisaki nodded, likely thinking it made sense.

Sakuma stared at Katsu-chan’s sleeping face.

_‘Miyoshi… He was caught in a train incident…’_

He swallowed.

_‘In our next seven lives… let’s spend time talking about tautology and the Tennosei system and… whatever we couldn’t in this one. In our next seven lives…’_

Miyoshi would laugh of him if he were to hear what he was thinking… and call it a delusion and rant about Tautology and naivety and… and Sakuma wouldn’t mind hearing Miyoshi making fun of him as long as he could hear him because he missed him so much… but right then it wasn’t the time for such thoughts.

“Maybe,” he agreed with the others reluctantly, leaning his head against the window tiredly and trying hard to ignore the rattling of the train on the railway. He stared at the gentle, green hills of the island of Etajima without really seeing them. In truth he had no idea what to think and a side of him didn’t really want to think at that. It would lead him to nowhere.

“Lieutenant Colonel… you shouldn’t let him call you Nī-chan… It’s not… appropriate…” Gamō pointed out.

“I denied being his father when the lady selling clothes suggested it… so Katsu-chan said I was his big brother. I didn’t feel like correcting him. Maybe he just wants a family and it was cruel of me to correct the lady’s assumption,” he explained, stroking the child’s hair soothingly. Distantly he remembered how he had instinctively corrected the lady’s assumption and got an odd glance at that and how Katsu-chan had immediately piped up he was _‘his big brother’_. He remembered the glance they exchanged and how it had reminded him fragments of past conversations…

_“I think Sakuma-san makes for a good older brother. I’m not surprised Kasukabe-san started to consider you as such.” There was amusement in his voice and… something else, Sakuma had no idea what and had no idea how to take such words._

_“You’d better not even consider start calling me Nī-chan as well, you got it?” he warned him sullenly, just in case. “It’s troublesome enough to have Koji doing it.” He didn’t need Miyoshi to start doing it as well, as a new way to make fun of him. Miyoshi chuckled, his shoulders shaking slightly as he did so._

_“You complain and complain, but never seriously tell Kasukabe-san to stop it…” Miyoshi reminded him, which was irritating because it was true. “Don’t worry, I definitely don’t see you as a brother,” he added as he gave him a meaningful glance, that small sly smile he wore so often when he teased Sakuma on his lips._

_Sakuma knew what the other was implying, even if he stubbornly pretended not to. He might be mistaken after all. Yeah, sure. He turned his gaze away and thought his life would have probably been simple if he’d been born in another time. Some things couldn’t be helped thought and so he knew he couldn’t allow himself to get what he wanted. The silence stretched uncomfortable before Miyoshi’s voice filled it._

_“I was just thinking Kasukabe-san is lucky. Mikoshiba-san too since he’s like a little brother to you from when you two were children.” The tone was wishful and pushed Sakuma to look at him. Miyoshi’s gaze though, was lost faraway, even if only for a second. It had been enough for Sakuma to notice though, but he knew better than to ask. Miyoshi wasn’t allowed to talk about his family, after all._

_“I’m hungry. Let’s buy some Odango to eat as we walk back,” he stated as a way to switch topic, moving toward the stall selling them. Not very smooth but even if he’d been smoother Miyoshi would have known just the same so where was the point in trying harder to think at something smarter to say?_

_“No way. I’ll dirty my hands. Those things are sticky,” Miyoshi complained but still tailed after him. Sakuma allowed himself to roll his eyes at the sky at that._

_“Say ‘tasty’. And if you can’t put up with dirtying your hands just wrap a tissue around the stick. Here, eat,” he commanded as he pushed the stick in his hand. Miyoshi studied him with a vaguely disgruntled expression before accepting the Odango reluctantly and eating them tilting his head back, overly careful not to dirty himself. Sakuma filled his mouth with an Odango so as to force himself not to smile as he wondered how one could come to like even the most annoying traits in another person and…_

“You weren’t trying to be a jerk. It’s just you’re not really good at lying or misleading, Lieutenant Colonel,” Gamō reminded him, startling him out of that memory. “But how will you explain your family you’ve a… _‘little brother’_ now?”

“My father and I aren’t on speaking terms from before I left for the frontlines so I don’t think I’ll be in the risk of having to discuss this with him. As for my uncle and his family… well, they won’t mind.” Of course, assuming they were still alive. Sakuma had no idea and didn’t want to think at that now.

“Still, since we’ll be passing to Nagoya you might catch the chance to check on your family, Lieutenant Colonel,” Tobisaki offered. “You’re from there, aren’t you?”

“We’ve no time for that,” Sakuma replied shaking his head. “The travel to Tokyo will be long enough as it is. There’s no reason to waste time with detours.”

Tobisaki and Gamō exchanged a glance then Gamō shrugged as if to say _‘we both know how duty devoted he is, there’s no helping to it,’_ before he tried to place himself in a more comfortable manner against the wooden backrest.

“It’ll be a long trip. Too bad the Tsubame isn’t running anymore… but well, it makes sense to reduce civilian passenger service to give priority to military transports…” Gamō commented. The Tsubame used to represent Japan… but now it had stopped running by two years. It was a sad thought.

“That the Tsubame stopped… it should have felt like a bad omen,” Tobisaki agreed with a sigh.

“Watch your mouth, Captain,” Sakuma warned in a low tone as he caught sight of some Military Policemen raising their head. Evidently, even though Japan’s defeat had already been decided, the Military Police was still busy in its hunt of defeatists. Probably they still considered defeatist talks ground for imprisonment… and beating as an acceptable method so as to extort confessions and might not care of how Tobisaki’s ranked in the Army. They all knew how it worked, they all having seen it first hand, even though they did it from the safe position of the observers, not of the victims.

“Don’t worry, Captain, we’ll get back in time to give a kick to those bastards before our glorious Army will trash them!” Gamō stated cheerfully and a bit louder than necessary, completely twisting the meaning of Tobisaki’s words. “I’m sure our companions will let you too have something to shoot, stop complaining this will take away your chances for beating them!”

“That’s how an Imperial Soldier should talk. Have faith in your companions, Captain,” Sakuma agreed. Tobisaki used his past training to smoothly join in the charade and play the role of a man who only wanted to go back on beating enemies and was worried they’ll take this chance away from him.

The guys from the Military Police stopped paying attention, or so it looked like, but they made sure to continue the conversation on that tone for a while, just in case they were merely pretending not to pay attention. After all they knew the Military Police had the habit of also working as a spy.

“Sorry,” Tobisaki whispered quietly when it was finally safe to say so.

“Considering how rare it is to hear you speaking, it’s hard to scold you for doing it,” Sakuma said simply.

“Someone had to say it,” Gamō stated simply stretching from his position to grasp Tobisaki’s shoulder, his own way to show he was grateful someone else had shared his same feelings and expressed them out loud. “Though a better timing would have been more appreciated,” he added as he now smacked the shoulder he’d been grasping a second before.

Sakuma smiled, though that smile was laced with tiredness, a tiredness that never seemed to leave him. Even if the war had ended… there was no peace for them. He looked at his men, at the child in his arms. It didn’t matter what, he had a responsibility toward the people who had followed him… and he would see to it. That was for sure.

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

**1\. Miyoshi, his hair and Sakuma:** Miyoshi worries a lot about his hair in the drama cd and also in some official cards released for Joker Game. I thought it would be a pain for him having to cut it, afraid people would end up making a mess. … and now you also know how Sakuma learnt to cut hair and could handle little Katsuhiko’s. Well, this originally was meant to be a flashback in the previous chapter and was meant to include Odagiri also but ended up on being a dream in which Sakuma’s mind is sort of filtering the scenes so it’s not showing you exactly what had happened even if it’s close enough.

**2\. Harakiri (腹切り):** It means "abdomen/belly cutting" and I’m sure everyone knows about it, also due to Ep 1 and 2 of Joker Game talking about it but, just in case someone doesn’t, it was a Japanese form of ritual suicide and Sakuma had been almost lead to commit it by Miyoshi.

**3\. Miyoshi’s grin and the grinning cat Sakuma read about:** In the novel Miyoshi’s mischievous grin is compared to the one of a cat in a fairytale. No idea if this is what the author had in mind but here I ended up comparing it to the Cheshire cat’s grin. Just to refresh everyone’s memory the Cheshire cat is a character from Lewis Carroll’s **‘Alice's Adventures in Wonderland’** , which in Japan was translated for the first time in 1908 under the title of **‘Alice’s story’** (アリス物語 Alice Monogatari) hence Sakuma might have read it as a child. Sakuma though, likely read a translation done afterward as in Japan many different translations of **‘Alice's Adventures in Wonderland’** were done and then released.

**4\. Dreams:** As I’ve been told not everyone is capable of it/experienced it… yes, while dreaming you can realize what you’re living is actually a dream, which is what happened to Sakuma. He realized he was dreaming and that reality is different. For personal experience I’ll tell you is pretty terrible being with a beloved person in a dream and then realize it’s just a dream and this beloved person is no more.

**5\. Half asleep Sakuma:** In my personal head canon Sakuma is not so fast at fully waking up but, if you happen to be too close to him when he does, he just takes you for an enemy and charges at you. Long story short the students at D Agency had learnt it during their first week there that it was better not to get too close to him while he was sleeping or consequences could be… unpleasant.

**6\. Kure station:** The station was completely destroyed by fire in the Kure Air Raid on July 2, 1945 and the construction of the new building of the station was started only in December 1945. It seems however that the train service continued to work in many similar cases or worse in Japan so, even if I’m not 100% sure, I’m assuming the station is operative even if the building is no more. I couldn’t find pictures of the burned station, so I don’t exactly know how it looked like. In present day pictures the station seems small. I’m assuming the platform remained without roof… even if it might be just me as the roof was likely in metal and therefore it might not have burned… but well, if the station was bombed it might have gone damaged enough. 

**7\. Gamō and destruction:** There’s many who, after seeing death and destruction… learn to… cope with it, to turn it down. However, though destruction is always destruction, many people are more emotionally affected by it if destruction touches something that you feel ‘closer’ to you. Kure is part of Gamō’s country. While he has no feelings for China and had gotten used to see destruction, seeing Japan in a poor shape still manage to affect him.

**8\. The burned city, the half sunken ships in the bay and the people on the hills:** The bombing caused quite a lot of destruction in Kure and fires damaged most of the city. The photos taken around that time of the place are… well, quite terrible to look at. Also many huge ships were half sunken in the bombing which happened in July. In photos of Kure bay taken in 1946 the half sunken ships in the bay are still visible as, evidently, they didn’t manage to move them away (even in present day and with much more economical resources moving half sunken huge ships isn’t an easy feat)… so I guess Gamō and Co in August had to see the half sunken ships in the bay as well. Also, at the time, for major safety, people used to leave the cities and escape on the hills or in the countryside. The same happened with Kure as well. Many left for the hills, through it seems some remained as well.

**9\. Gamō and Sakuma:** As Gamō is lower in ranking he shouldn’t tell Sakuma what to do… but Tobisaki thinks he feels entitled to do so since he’s older in age and this, in Japan, matters a lot.

**10\. Sakuma and lateness:** I figure Sakuma, being Sakuma, during the war had a strict politic of trying hard to never be late. Mind you, it doesn’t mean he never was, just that when it happened he really had a good reason for being late… which makes worrisome for Gamō to see Sakuma is late. He’s thinking something serious happened. Tobisaki instead thinks that Katsuhiko managed to have on Sakuma the same effect Miyoshi had, causing him to be late. Yes, Tobisaki’s right.

**11\. Odango (お団子):** A Japanese dumpling and sweet made from Mochiko (rice flour), related to Mochi. It is often served with green tea. Odango is eaten year-round, but the different varieties are traditionally eaten in given seasons. Three to four Odango are often served on a skewer. It seems that in order not to get yourself dirty with the syrup that covers them, it’s better to eat them tilting your head back. Well, that is if you buy the type that’s covered in syrup as there are some which aren’t. Note that actually this food is called Dango. The _‘O’_ at the beginning is added because it’s more _‘respectful’_ to call it _‘Odango’_.

**12\. The train service:** After the start of the War, the railways came under military control. In 1938, the government decided to unify private railways into regional blocks and railway companies were forcibly acquired by the government. From 1943, the national railway reduced its civilian passenger service, giving priority to military transport. In 1944, it abolished all the limited express trains, first-class cars, dining cars, and sleeping cars. The strategic bombings by USA damaged the railways heavily but in most cases, in the mainland, railways resumed operations fairly quickly. Some lines of the national railway resumed after the day of Tokyo bombing (9 March 1945) while Sanyō Main Line resumed two days after the atomic bombing in Hiroshima, while Hiroshima Electric Railway resumed three days after it. Due to this I’m assuming railways are working… though not in their best conditions and that Sakuma and the others, being in the Army, can use them a little more easy than the others. Now… the Kure line, which opened in 27 December 1903 leads to Hiroshima. As of now it’s 30 minutes of travel. In present time then one would board a Shinkansen and would travel for around 4 hours to reach Tokyo… but Shinkansen didn’t exist back then. We know that, starting from 1930 there was a Special Express Tsubame (燕 “Swallow”), which is the same Tsubame/Swallow which gets mentioned in Joker Game Ep 6 and that covered the travel from Kobe to Tokyo in around 8/9 hours (twice the time it takes in present time)… but the Swallow stopped running in 1943, so this opinion isn’t available anymore to Sakuma and Co. It turns out that in present time you can reach Tokyo using local trains… and I guess that’s what the guys had to do back then as well. However in present time will have to change about 5-6 trains, and travel for about 15 hours overall so I think that in 1945, with the railway damaged and slower trains, it took even more time. Ah, I wouldn’t want to be in the boys’ place.

**13\. Food shortage:** Yes, food was pretty scarce in Japan by the time the war ended and citizens were subjected to official food rationing, which means the guys are paying quite a bit for their food. That’s why Gamō considers _‘overspending’_ buying Odango for Katsuhiko even though he already had breakfast. Anyway it seems even the soldiers on the frontlines were underfed, but of course a small child on his own had it much worse. Anyway, if you’re curious originally Lieutenant Colonels had four pay classes so their salary ranged from 220.00 to 310.00 yen while Captains had three pay classes which ranged from 122.00 to 155.00 yen.

**14\. The dirtying hands matter:** In the 3rd drama cd when Amari offered the others snacks Miyoshi complained his hands would get sticky… so he would have to eat Amari’s snacks with chopsticks. From here the idea Miyoshi doesn’t like to get his hands dirty. In Katsuhiko’s case though, truth to be told, it was mostly Sakuma who wasn’t sure how Katsuhiko would handle eating Odango (since Katsuhiko didn’t know how to eat rice and he had never eaten Odango) and didn’t want the things to end up into a mess, hence he told the child he’ll hold the stick so that Katsuhiko won’t get his hands dirty. Katsuhiko still ends up on reminding Tobisaki about Miyoshi.

**15\. Nī-chan (兄ちゃん):** You can translate it as an affectionate way to say ‘big brother’ but it’s also used to call boys older than you. Sakuma though is a man though so technically Katsuhiko should use ‘Oji-san’ (伯父さん) which means ‘uncle’ but can be used to call men older than you (we see the kids in ‘Asia Express’ using it for Tazaki). The ‘-san’ would also be a more respectful and appropriate suffix than ‘-chan’. Same goes for the ‘O’ prefix in front of the word. Katsuhiko’s usage of ‘Nī-chan’ though is due to him wanting to pretend Sakuma is really his big brother, and not just a way to refer to him.

**16\. The naval base and Hiroshima:** It seems it was the Naval Base of Kure that was in charge of the first investigations on what had happened on Hiroshima, hence they have first hand tales on the situation back there.

**17\. The purple monster-mushroom:** Yes, the atomic mushroom that engulfed Hiroshima was described as a purple-grey mushroom of smoke and fire that appeared after a huge flash accompanied by a whooshing sound. No, no one thought it was a city-eating-mushroom. Katsuhiko is misinterpreting what had happened as he does not really understand it and he wanted to scare the adults with creepy tales.

**18\. Miyoshi, Katsuhiko and trains:** Miyoshi died in a train incident. Of course even if he likely wasn’t happy about it, he didn’t panic as Katsuhiko is doing but Miyoshi was an adult trained to face everything and could cope with it. Katsuhiko is a child that’s left with a memory of _‘him’_ dying in a train incident and the feelings connected to it without the ability to control them or to rationalize that memory. On the whole for him the situation is overwhelming so he panics.

**19\. Shinigami (死神):** You can translate it as “God of Death”. They belong to Japanese myths and religions and fundamentally invite/lead humans to die (it varies slightly according to the version of the myth or religion you’re considering, in some versions they even posses them to push them to commit suicide). What Sakuma is fundamentally saying is that, no matter what, he won’t allow anything to hurt Katsuhiko, not even a supernatural being.

**20\. Kasukabe Kojiro (Koji) and Mikoshiba Kazuya (Kazu):** They are just two OC. Although we know Sakuma had them, we’ve no info on who Sakuma’s friends from childhood and from the army were, so I had to make up a couple of _‘best friend’_ for him. Sorry about this but well, it couldn’t be helped as all the sources imply Sakuma had friends but left them unnamed. I tend to use those two in my fics so as to keep Sakuma’s background consistent so if you’ve read something else from me you might have hear Sakuma mentioning them already.

**21\. Miyoshi and the big brother thing:** Just so you know, no, Miyoshi didn’t see Sakuma as his big brother. Definitely not. He’s just having a sort of wishful moment in which he think he would have liked to have an older brother who would have cared for him the way Sakuma does with Kazu and Koji.

**22\. Sakuma’s family and Nagoya:** There are no info on Sakuma’s family. The Sakuma clan though originally settled in what at the time was the Owari Province (尾張国 Owari no Kuni) in the area that today forms the western half of Aichi Prefecture, including the modern city of Nagoya, hence my choice for the city.

**23\. Military Police and defeatism:** We saw the Japanese Military Police, better known as Kempeitai (憲兵隊) many times in **‘Joker Game’** as well (Ep 1, 2, 4, 8, 10). Among their duties there was to arrest people for antiwar sentiment and defeatism. Defeatist talk was grounds for imprisonment, though not for execution. While this policy was laxly and inconsistently enforced near the start of the war it became much more stringently when things started to turn sour for Japan. To make matter worse beatings (through a better word for it would be torture) were used freely to elicit confessions and that there was little or no due process for accused citizens. Just to give you some ideas Elroy Healey, a British journalist who had made anti-Japanese broadcasts on local radio, was so severely beaten that he was driven insane and died in agony, crippled by his injuries. Diplomats weren’t safe either. Sixty Military Police troops forced their way into the British Embassy in Tokyo, beat up the ambassador and arrested the information officer Herbert Vere Redman on suspicion of espionage. He endured 600 hours of torture before the charges were dropped. The Military Police had developed their own special forms of torture and even published an interrogator’s handbook. It advised that beatings should be followed by water torture, involving ramming a hosepipe down a prisoner’s throat and then jumping on his stomach. Unsurprisingly, many died. Other methods involved electric shocks and intense heat, usually hot irons applied to the genitals. Still, as the jails got to be too crowded, citizens were often able to win their freedom by renouncing their statements and promising to toe the line in the future. The recidivism rate for those released in this manner was reportedly very low. Military personnel usually had it better as punishment for defeatists talk often ranged from being shunted off to desk jobs in distant corners of the Empire, to just be ignored (though mind you, the Army could be and was brutal as well, so it mostly depended on who did the talk and how his superior officer felt on the matter... you could still end up in lot of troubles if you were to talk with the wrong people). Due to Sakuma not being strict on this matter (and, well, Japan having just lost the war), Tobisaki ended up feeling like he was allowed to talk like that. However, as they were away from the frontlines and the Military Police might not feel obliged to pay attention to their ranking or to the fact that Japan had effectively lost, it was still something risky to do, hence Gamō tried to twist the meaning of Tobisaki’s words so that they wouldn’t look defeatist talk. Really, at the time no one liked the Military Police or wanted to be on its bad side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the boys are finally leaving Kure for Tokyo. Truth to be told when I started planning this fic I chose Kure merely because it was a Military Port… then, as I researched for it… well Kure’s story (as well as Japanese raylaway system… ^_^;;) caused my story to expand on its own. Ironically in November 2016 “Kono Sekai no Katasumi ni” (この世界の片隅に In This Corner of the World) an awesome film about this time period placed exactly in Kure (and Hiroshima) was released in Japan. Sadly, while they plan to released it as well in my country, it hasn’t been released yet so I couldn’t use it as reference… just the trailer from which I took inspiration for the travel on the train. The same goes for the manga on which the movie is based (it should go on print in my country in August… -_-). A pity.
> 
> Oh and Miyoshi hijacked this chapter. Because he was bored with being dead, I guess.


	4. Chapter 4

He smiled as he watched Emma sleep peacefully embraced to Frate. It was a tired smile though and, as he gazed outside the window and saw only ruins and half destroyed, half burned building outside of it, he again wondered if he did the right thing coming back to Japan with her. Still, he hadn’t had much time to think things through. He’d been warned just in time to take the last boat that, from Honululu, would leave for Japan. Had he missed it, his next residence might have been Sand Island… and surely Emma (and Frate as well) would have ended up being taken from him.

Not that he would have wanted them to be with him in an internment camp for Japanese people. It was just that after spending more than a year with them… he had really grown to consider Emma as a daughter and Frate as his own dog.

They were part of his family much more than his real family had ever been.

But Japan wasn’t the right place for an English child either.

People here would look at her clearly western features and see not a little girl but _‘the enemy’_. Amari knew they weren’t completely wrong. What was now a little girl could grow into an enemy or a collaborator. Still… Emma was his little girl and, despite Amari being Japanese and all he’d learnt at D Agency about how dangerous to establish ties was, he still couldn’t see her as the enemy. Emma was just Emma, his daughter.

So, as to avoid trouble, he taught her German as well as Japanese and instructed her to greet everyone who were to see her in German first, and switch to Japanese next. For a normal Japanese person there was little difference in look between a German ally girl and an English enemy girl. They could be tricked into believing Emma was just a half German, half Japanese little girl. People didn’t like half blood much, but it was better than them realizing she was English.

Things however were a little more troublesome when the Military Police and the Army were involved.

They wouldn’t content themselves with just few words spelled in German, they would try to investigate things. Those last four years had been an unpleasant affair for Amari, busy hiding the truth about his stepdaughter.

Yūki-san had been a big help in smoothing things and covering up Emma’s background and, through he had scolded him, ultimately he had pretended nothing had happened and Amari hadn’t taken an unauthorized leave for more than a year to raise a random child.

Amari was grateful to him. It was more than he had dared to hope. Of course, in exchange, he had to resume working for D Agency, but this was a little price to pay when Yūki-san could have put him under trial for desertion, a trial that would have surely ended in death sentence.

Still, it was safer for Emma not to be seen outside. Amari didn’t mind to home school her and, since Yūki-san gave him works inside Japan, he didn’t have to leave her alone for long periods.

Though, considering how the situation currently was, Amari had no idea how long this could continue.

D Agency had been a school that trained a clearly small number of perfect spies. When Amari had graduated, only seven of the original 20 students admitted had managed to make the final cut. They would have been eight if Odagiri hadn’t decided to drop out just after he finished his graduation case. In the following years there had been even less that managed to last till the end. Amari knew that it was the war that was to blame, the war that kept on enlisting their best youths and left D Agency with very little to pick up. Then, as if this hadn’t been bad enough, the Army had started picking up students from D Agency before they were to finish their training. Ultimately, they had told Yūki-san to do with the spies he already had and hadn’t let him train any other spy.

Really, there was little use for them if the Army could simply not trust the info they provided, so the higher up had no problems hampering Yūki-san’s efforts in creating good spies.

In the long run most of the spies ended up on dying because working in battle zones or getting involved in dangerous missions that would cause them to end up wounded or being caught by the enemy. It was a miracle that, of the companions that had graduated with him, 5 were still alive and back to Japan, though they too had their own misadventures. The other graduation classes hadn’t been so lucky.

And what to say about the new building that the Army had given to them and that ended up falling under one of the American bombings? It was pure irony that the old one, despite being in a zone that had been heavily bombed as well and victim of a violent fire was still standing… but, at least, it had offered them a place to stay.

In the end… Japan had surrendered to the Americans.

It hadn’t been an easy step. First, something horrible had happened to Hiroshima and Nagasaki… but Yūki-san had forbidden them to go there and see it with their own eyes and, as if this wasn’t enough, Russia had declared war to them too. No chance anymore to negotiate a decent peace using Russia as a mediator. Amari knew that if they hadn’t surrendered… only total destruction would await them.

Still, while Amari though surrendering was the right decision… he had no idea what was waiting for them in the future.

Soldiers were supposed to come back to Japan and the ones that reached it were slowly released from duty. D Agency was nothing else but a Military Agency. Would it survive to what was to come? Would they survive to what was to come? Would they be left alive? Would they remain free men or the Allies would prefer to enslave them? Make Japan a colony? And what would the Allies do with Emma? Would they realize Emma and Amari have no blood connection and she was the daughter of an English woman who ended up on becoming a German spy? Would they take her from him? Would they mistreat her? Blame her for what her mother did?

In a way now Amari understood very well why Yūki-san had wanted them to be completely unencumbered. Emma was a weakness a spy couldn’t allow himself to have. Yet she was also a peculiar source of strength for him. Even when he was feeling completely worn out and helpless, all he needed to do was to think at her smile to find the strength to go on. Weird.

He sighed as he again told himself that he was sure that everything will work out somehow. No point in worrying.

Ops, maybe he spoke too soon, he realized as he saw some men in uniform came into view. Hum… they didn’t seem to have the “Military Police” armbands so… were they soldiers? It made sense, they were wearing backpacks, maybe they had just returned to Tokyo… He blinked as he saw that one of them was carrying a child in his arms and pointing at the place.

Why should soldiers who had just returned from the frontlines bring a child to D Agency? Unless they had no idea that was the place in which D Agency was and were under the impression the child lived there or around there and wanted to ask them for info?

Well, only one way to find out, Amari though as he decided it was better to intercept them at the door and make sure they wouldn’t get in. Strange though, as he stared a second longer at the three he almost had the feeling they looked familiar…

* * *

It took one hour to reach their first stop. They had to change train there. If the Tsubame had been working… they could have covered the rest of the distance in around 9 hours… but the Tsubame stopped running in 1943 and so it took them 21 more hours to reach Tokyo. _‘It could have been worse,’_ Sakuma told himself, and he knew it was true.

After their first stop… Katsu-chan had grown quiet and, through he had continued to cling to Sakuma, he hadn’t claimed riding on a train was deadly any longer.

Well, everyone had grown very quiet after their first stop but there was no helping for it. There were things that were too big to express with words.

And so they had travelled mostly in silence, dozing off on the train or while waiting for the next one. All their stops had been targets of fire bombing.

Nagoya too.

The things that had made Sakuma proud of his home city, that it was the fourth most populated Japanese city and one of the three largest centres of the Japanese aircraft industry, the one that gave birth and produced the vital Zero fighters, had turned Nagoya into a predictable target for US air raids.

Sakuma had no illusions it would be spared and accepted silently the view of the burned down station and the information that Nagoya Castle, the castle in which Oda Nobunaga himself had birth and Toyotomi Hideyoshi and Tokugawa Ieyasu too had resided and which had been used as a military command post, was hit and mostly destroyed.

Well… it was more than just silently. He felt numb, worn out. The Japan he knew and loved had been turned into rubbles and dark, smoking remains. Maybe the same had happened to the people he knew and loved. And since they had surrendered… not even pride remained to him. The worst part though, was that there was nothing he could do to fix things beyond just accepting them. What had happened couldn’t be changed. What had gone couldn’t be recovered.

The train changed in speed and Katsu-chan clung to his neck tighter. Even though the child had kept mostly quiet… trains still scared him. He had refused eating while being on one so they all had ended up eating the food they had bought in Kure in between a stop and the other. What would be of Katsu-chan and of the other children who would have to grown up in that ruined Japan, innocent victims of their parents’ failures of building a better world for them? Sakuma had no idea.

Well, at least their long travel had almost ended, Sakuma thought as he found himself stroking Katsu-chan’s back reassuringly before glancing at his other two travelling companions. They didn’t look well either.

Really, it was so weird how the war itself didn’t manage to take such a toll on them as that travel through their half destroyed homeland did…

Or maybe not. It’s easier to go on when you can tell yourself what you’re doing has a sense, as a purpose, that it’s all to protect something or someone you love, that it’s all to improve your life and the ones of the ones you care about. Now instead… even their so called mission was useless.

_‘A meaningless mission.’_

_‘Regardless, orders are orders.’_

He remembered that exchange… and despite all that had happened, he still thought the same. Orders are orders. The info he was carrying would change nothing… but he would still deliver them. And once he’d done it…

The train slowed down to a stop as a voice announced they were finally in Tokyo. Gamō stretched before rising from his seat, loudly thanking the gods for allowing them to finally reach the capital. Tobisaki hurried to retrieve their luggage. Sakuma stood, still balancing Katsu-chan in his arms.

“We’ve arrived, Katsu-chan. No more trains once we’re off of this one,” he assured him. “Just a nice walk.”

“Promise?” the child asked in a small voice.

“I swear it,” he stated, passing his hand through the child’s soft hair before grabbing his backpack.

“You know… I’m still not comfortable with you having to carry that. We should do it for you, Lieutenant Colonel,” Gamō pointed out. Sakuma shrugged.

“I started this war carrying my own luggage and I’ll end it doing the same. It’s not that heavy after all and I’m not interested in special privileges.” Tobisaki shook his head as if to imply Sakuma was a lost cause.

“We’re in Tokyo though. You’ll look more of a Lieutenant Colonel if you don’t carry backpacks like common soldiers. It might useful to you to look your ranking as I bet the higher up here in the city have no idea who they’re dealing with and can end up letting silly things sway in their opinion of you,” Gamō insisted, hinting with his words at how he thought Sakuma was an awesome Lieutenant Colonel but wasn’t sure the higher up would realize it.

Sakuma smiled tiredly as he rested his hand on the other’s shoulder.

“Then I’ll let it down somewhere before going to make my report. Will this be fine?”

Really, Gamō though, this guy got that high in ranking but, despite this, he was none the wiser on certain things. Appearances mattered, especially for the ones who had remained in Tokyo, playing generals from their safe shelters seeing nothing of the hardship the troops had to face.

“It’ll be better than nothing,” he commented with a sigh as they left the train. “Is it too much to hope he can walk now?” he asked motioning to the child still in the Lieutenant Colonel’s arms. Hopefully the Lieutenant Colonel wouldn’t think to carry the kid with himself when he’ll have to make his report.

“Katsu-chan’s not used to walk wearing shoes yet, he’ll only get blisters if I’ll put him down…” Sakuma commented but his gaze ended up on wandering around, to what remained of Tokyo station.

“He’ll have to start walking on his own if he wants to get used to wearing them one of these days…” Gamō grumbled doing his best to keep his gaze away from the station building instead.

The station building… Sakuma unconsciously winced as he thought Miyoshi would throw a fit if he were to see it now. He could still hear him rambling over and over about how it had been built by Tatsuno Kingo, the authority of Japanese architects of his time, how it was historically important with its Renaissance feeling, how it was one of the landmarks of Tokyo that managed to meet up with his aesthetical taste… and now the station building laid there like that, inaccessible, the rooftop domes shattered, the roofs burned down leaving the base structure. Sakuma was willing to bet most of the interior decorations have been lost as well.

Then a pang of pain went through him as he reminded himself Miyoshi would never have the chance to see the damage. He tried to tell himself that it was better, that it would only spare Miyoshi the pain of seeing something he used to love in such a poor shape… but it was hard to be selfless when everything in Tokyo caused Sakuma to miss him even more. Really, Sakuma wouldn’t mind to listen to his complains about the damaged building even for a whole month, if it were to mean he would be hearing him again.

He swallowed. No point in wasting time on such thoughts.

Tobisaki caught the pained expression on the Lieutenant Colonel’s face before the man lowered his head, but couldn’t guess what had truly caused it and merely assumed just watching Tokyo in this state was painful for him.

“Maybe you should rest a little, Lieutenant Colonel, or eat something,” he suggested gently. “It’s too early to find someone willing to listen to your report anyway. And maybe Katsuhiko-kun would like to have breakfast?” Tobisaki knew he was playing dirty, but if the Lieutenant Colonel had a weak side for the child… well, he saw nothing wrong in exploiting it in order to help the man to better take care of himself.

“I’d like breakfast,” Katsuhiko piped up immediately, looking at Sakuma hopefully, though his movements were a little groggy. “I want more Oyakodon!”

“Impudent kid, say _‘please’_ , at least!” Gamō complained. Katsuhiko gave him a smouldering glare not appreciating the reproach, then turned to the Lieutenant Colonel again.

“I’d like Oyakodon, _please_ ,” he repeated with his most angelic expression. The little brat. Tobisaki chuckled, Gamō rolled his eyes, Sakuma ended up on smiling and ruffling Katsu-chan’s hair as he praised him for being such a polite child, causing Katsuhiko to smile back. Katsuhiko liked to be praised. Maybe it wasn’t so bad to follow that guy’s suggestions. They could come up on being useful.

“Before the Oyakodon though I’ve to see if a place is still standing,” Sakuma admitted. He wasn’t sure he really wanted to go there, too many memories resided there, memories he didn’t want to deal with now but… but there was something he needed to do as well. Tobisaki, figuring out what he was thinking from the direction of his gaze, frowned. He wasn’t sure it was a good idea to go there and, anyway, felt uncomfortable with the mere thought to go back to that place. Maybe he should try to…

“Gamō, in the meantime, you can…” the Lieutenant Colonel began before Tobisaki could say anything.

“If you’re thinking to drop by to Kudanshita, I’d like to come as well, if it’s okay with you, Lieutenant Colonel,” Gamō cut him… which wasn’t proper but well, Gamō often didn’t care about this sort of stuffs. Sakuma stared at him, frowning slightly. He could care less about Gamō being proper, what was bothering him was something different. Tobisaki also stared at Gamō, confused. How could Gamō guess that…?

“Same way, as I knew about your involvement with it,” Gamō in the meantime replied to Sakuma’s unspoken question. “The Lieutenant Colonel mentioned it. Evidently the higher up didn’t feel like keeping the secret with him,” Gamō went on, smiling a half bitter, half nostalgic smile. “And the Lieutenant Colonel… let’s say he had plans for the place.”

Tobisaki blinked. He figured out the _‘Lieutenant Colonel’_ Gamō was talking about wasn’t Sakuma but the one under which Gamō served before, the one that shot himself in the head and that Gamō still mourned, but he couldn’t quite figure out the man’s involvement with what was on Kudanshita. Well, he knew that there was in the army who opposed to the existence of such place but…

“He shouldn’t have told you that,” Sakuma stated.

“Not everyone is determined on being fair and honest as you are, Lieutenant Colonel,” Gamō commented. Wind Agency… had been all but that actually. Lieutenant Colonel Kazato not only had taken advantage of the training methods of D Agency but had also demanded from them to be even more ruthless than D Agency was. They were supposed to carry out their duties emotionlessly, even if this leaded them to kill enemies with their own bare hands or even if their friends were killed in front of them. It hadn’t seemed difficult at first. With the Lieutenant Colonel’s death though… everything had felt apart and they, discharged by the Army as useless spare and sent to the frontlines to die, had huddled close like scared children until only Gamō remained.

“It’s not just he was meant to keep it for himself, same as who told him about it. It’s he shouldn’t have told you and put this burden on you,” Sakuma corrected his assumption, shaking his head. No point in involving Gamō in the little feud that was going on between the two Lieutenant Colonels. Even though the two Agencies were meant to fight off… Sakuma didn’t feel it was fair to involve the Agencies members in their superior officers’ rivalries. The man should have kept things on the professional plane, at least in front of Gamō and his companions.

Gamō stared than shook his head with a fond smile.

“Not everyone worries for those under him as you do either,” he reminded him. “Take me with you, Lieutenant Colonel. I promise you I won’t make trouble with the underlings you had there.”

When Wind Agency had been founded… Lieutenant General Akutsu had thought not only to leak the training methods of D Agency but also to hand to Lieutenant Colonel Kazato the First Lieutenant that had worked as liaison between D Agency and the Army and that had personally witnessed their training methods and likely knew about their secrets. That First Lieutenant had been Sakuma. It wouldn’t have been a bad deal for him as it would have kept him away from the frontlines for all the time he’d been useful to Wind Agency… and, once he weren’t anymore, he would have probably been discharged with a promotion that hadn’t been given to him when they dismissed him from his job as liaison for D Agency.

However, when Lieutenant General Akutsu tasted the waters, Sakuma let him know in no uncertain terms that he didn’t work as a spy. Not even for him. It was that polite and formal refusal to the one who was, at the time, the number 2 of the Army, that doomed Sakuma, likely way more than Colonel Muto’s displeasure for how Sakuma had sided with D Agency. Sakuma wasn’t even promoted when he was sent on the frontlines, even though D Agency members who were to meet up the same fate all got a promotion.

Sakuma wasn’t meant to be given chances of promotion either once he got there, just to die. And Wind Agency members had been told the story of that foolish First Lieutenant who had decided he valued loyalty to those _‘folk people’_ that had been sort of under him at the price of his own career and, likely, his life, and had laughed at it. They were taught to step over such things.

It had taken Gamō to depend on that man’s loyalty to his underlings to learn to appreciate it. The Lieutenant Colonel was a foolish one, but one Gamō would gladly give his life for.

Sakuma stared at him.

Sakuma knew Gamō wouldn’t break his word. If anything the man was loyal to him. He also knew about his past and his connection about Wind Agency, Gamō having spilled it out not much after they met up. Maybe he had expected that confession would have caused Sakuma to stop trying to make him survive. Sakuma had just found ironic that fate kept on pushing spies on his way and then had gone on as if that confession had never taken place. Who cared if Gamō had been a Wind Agency spy, right then he was just a man under him, and Sakuma would make sure all his men would serve Japan the best they could… and no one could do it by being dead.

He sighed.

“Fine by me,” he agreed. “As long as you behave.”

“Behave!” Katsuhiko parroted with obvious satisfaction. Gamō glared at him but, before he could say anything, the child had leant his head tiredly on the Lieutenant Colonel’s shoulder. The travel had probably taken a tool on the little brat as well, Gamō mused. Maybe he should let it slide, he though as he contented himself with merely calling him _‘irreverent brat’_.

Tobisaki instead glanced from the Lieutenant Colonel to Gamō and back without really understanding what all that was about. He figured there was more in the story than just the usual _‘Army soldiers disliking spies’_ but that was all he could guess. Gamō, despite being prone to be chatty, hadn’t shared with him many details about his past assignment… as for the Lieutenant Colonel he wasn’t prone to discuss someone else’s past with others unless a very good reason were to come up.

“Is someone going to explain me what’s going on?” he ended up on asking.

“Maybe later,” the Lieutenant Colonel stated, anticipating Gamō and this caused Gamō to stare at Sakuma and then at Tobisaki. Gamō had had his suspicions of course, Tobisaki had knowledge that made him a bit… peculiar as a soldier… but Gamō hadn’t truly wanted to know the truth. It was easier that way. Now it seemed that, if there were a truth to know, he wouldn’t be able to escape to it.

“Later then,” he agreed smacking Tobisaki’s shoulder as if nothing was wrong. Maybe he was still in time to back out. Really, Tobisaki was a weird guy but it was the closest thing to a friend he had. However only a coward would escape the truth though, and he wasn’t a coward. So there was no way out, he mused as he began to walk after the Lieutenant Colonel.

Tobisaki frowned then sighed as he trailed after those two. Really, not only they were heading toward a place he wasn’t ready to face, he was also being left in the dark.

Besides… was that place still standing? The thought gave him a painful feeling. Even if he didn’t want to go there… somehow he didn’t want any harm to have befallen upon it as well. Especially to the people who used to live there… even though, of course, they might not be there anymore. They might have been away for some job, assigned to some other city or even some other country like… no, it was better if they weren’t. Considering how the war had ended for Japan… their best option was to be in Japan.

* * *

Amari reached the door just in time to hear someone knocking at it. He sighed before putting up his friendliest and most innocent expression as he prepared himself to deal with the three soldiers, before opening the door and… staring at what was definitely a familiar face. The soldier stared at him as well, blinking.

“Sakuma…-san?”

“Amari?”

Even though Sakuma-san hadn’t been the easiest person to get along with, in the long run Yūki’s students had managed to reach an understanding with him of some sort. It hadn’t lasted long as the man had been moved on the frontlines… and, although Sakuma-san never told them anything, after he was gone it was made clear to them that his hadn’t been just a mere reassignment, it had been punishment for associating with them. They had sent him on the frontlines to die because he hadn’t sided with Colonel Muto and had refused to boycott them.

The boys at D Agency had made fun of all his talk about fairness and loyalty and so on and hadn’t taken seriously his determination… and hadn’t realized which was the price Sakuma-san was going to pay for not harming them.

_‘Stay detached,’_ Yūki-san had told them many times but it was easier said than done. In their own way, each of them had felt guilty, worried that Sakuma-san, with all his bravado and moral principles and stubborn refusal to bend to dishonourable compromises, wouldn’t come back alive. And now, seeing the man standing in front of him, Amari felt a huge sense of relief filling him and, out of instinct, he moved to hug him.

“Sakuma-san! It’s so nice to see you back!”

Before Sakuma could return the hug or either of the two could say something else though, a young voice protested loudly for that embrace.

“Let go of Nī-chan right now!”

Amari parted from the man, lowering his gaze to a child standing next to Sakuma-san, clinging to the man’s waist and looking at Amari in a challenging manner. He didn’t look like Sakuma-san at all, even though his features were strangely familiar despite Amari being sure he had never seen him before.

“Nī-chan?” he asked quizzically, moving his gaze from him to Sakuma-san. Sakuma-san sighed as he bend to pick up the child, who hurried to tightly wrap his arms around the man’s neck glaring at Amari fiercely, as if fearing Amari would attack his big brother or something. It was a familiar glare but Amari couldn’t quite place where he’d seen it before.

“It’s a long story. Amari, this is Katsuhiko. Katsu-chan, this is Amari Toshiyuki-san. He’s a friend, all right?” Sakuma-san explained. The child kept on glaring at Amari. Amari raised up his arms in hope he would look less threatening.

“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I meant no harm to your big brother, okay?” he assured. Katsuhiko-kun’s frown stayed. Sakuma-san sighed, but it was a fond sigh, the sort he would give when Miyoshi were to make some absurd request and… and something clicked in Amari’s mind… only it made no sense because…

“Katsu-chan, be nice, say _‘pleased to meet you’_ ,” Sakuma-san prodded the child, who looked back at him in a manner that seemed to say he was being asked an asinine thing, before gruntingly mumbling the sentence in a way that said he was all but pleased to meet Amari and with a frown that definitely reminded Amari of...

“Ah, there’s someone else you should probably greet,” Sakuma-san added pointing out to one of the soldiers behind himself and Amari mentally slapped himself as he realized he had forgot Sakuma-san hadn’t come alone as he turned his attention on the other two men behind him and…

“Odagiri?”

Katsuhiko made a face as the man called Amari moved to hug the one called Tobisaki as well, who reacted with the clear embarrassment of someone who had no idea what to do. Punching him wouldn’t be a bad plan, Katsuhiko thought viciously.

“I don’t want him to try and hug me, Nī-chan,” he stated firmly, though in a low tone.

“I’ll make sure he won’t,” the man promised, though he was smiling and seemed happy as he watched the scene, which annoyed Katsuhiko even more. He had no idea why the man should like to see a weird guy hugging people, nor why saying that man hugging the one whom he called _‘big brother’_ had bothered him so much.

“That guy is a loony,” he commented in a disapproving tone, clinging tighter to the man’s neck and wanting him to stop to look at that person like that, as if it were someone he liked. Really, that wacky guy with his hugs and friendly behaviour had made Katsuhiko strangely anxious to the point he wished they could leave but he knew better than to ask.

“He’s just happy to see a friend he hadn’t seen for many years, Katsu-chan,” Sakuma explained him as he stroked his hair soothingly, Katsu-chan seeming to lean into his touch like a cute kitten though he didn’t loosen his hold around his neck, as if Amari had ended up on scaring him somehow. Sakuma wondered if the child was worried Amari would part them. It was silly, of course, but Katsu-chan was still a child, after all and a lonely one at that. He might not be able to interpret people’s behaviour correctly. “Friends hug each other sometimes, Katsu-chan. It’s just that. Amari didn’t mean to harm anyone.”

Katsuhiko snuggled even closer if possible and kept on frowning. The word _‘friend’_ said next to nothing to him as he hadn’t had one through all his life but that wasn’t quite the problem. He didn’t want people to hug Nī-chan. And only Nī-chan was allowed to touch him.

Amari in the meantime released Odagiri and moved his attention on the third soldier, looking at them with a peculiar expression, but he had to admit he was unable to recognize him. As far as Amari knew they had never met.

“Gamō Jirō. I serve under the Lieutenant Colonel,” the man introduced himself, studying him with an odd expression Amari couldn’t quite place.

“Lieutenant Colonel?” Amari echoed, confused for a moment. Yūki-san? Then it came to his mind a detail he had noticed previously but had readily dismissed in his surprise of seeing Sakuma-san alive and standing in front of him. The insignia on Sakuma-san’s uniform weren’t anymore the ones of a First Lieutenant. They were… “Sakuma-san! You got promoted! Lieutenant Colonel, none the less! Hatano will have to eat his hat when I’ll tell him!”

Sakuma smiled embarrassedly, figuring some sort of bet had been going on regarding him and his chances of promotion.

“I just got lucky,” he dismissed his accomplishment, causing Gamō to grumble something about how this definitely hadn’t been the case. “Amari, do you think we can see the Lieutenant Colonel? Even if we’re in this… state?”

Sakuma knew that no person in uniform was normally allowed inside D Agency… but well, things had changed a lot from the last time he’d been there and really, he didn’t see how this could matter any longer. Amari hesitated only a second.

“Sure. You’ll see him if you want to. And if he’ll ask you all to pay a fine, I’ll pay it for you!” he promised. “I’m glad to have you two back and the others will want to see you too as well!” he stated wrapping his arm around Odagiri’s shoulders and beginning to walk toward the door, subtly pulling him as well. “Especially Fukumoto,” he told in Odagiri’s direction. “You two are in luck, they’re all here and…” he trailed off as his gaze fell on Sakuma-san. No, they weren’t all here, only he had no idea how to break the news to the man. “I mean…”

Sakuma-san’s smile dropped as he turned toward the door, giving his back to Amari.

“Don’t worry. I already know,” he said simply as he moved to get in. Over his shoulder, the child glared daggers at him, his frown even deeper as he apparently took poorly how Amari got his Nī-chan upset. “I’ll be glad to meet the others as well, of course,” Sakuma-san said in the meantime as if nothing was wrong, though his light tone felt forced.

Amari blinked, he had no idea how Sakuma-san could know about Miyoshi but thought it was better to let that topic slide. It seemed for the man it was painful enough as it was and Amari meant no harm to him. So he moved to follow him, dragging Odagiri along. It seems the battlefront had made Odagiri none the more social but Amari knew better than let Odagiri have his way and remain standing outside the building.

Gamō trailed after them.

Odagiri.

That’s how that guy had called Tobisaki. Yet he had called the Lieutenant Colonel by his true name. There was a way too easy explanation to justify how he would use a different name for Tobisaki. Tobisaki hadn’t been a Liaison or something like that in this place as the Lieutenant Colonel had been. No, Tobisaki had been one of _‘them’_.

How had Tobisaki ended up on the frontlines then since his Agency hadn’t been dismantled? From what Gamō knew, Tobisaki had been first assigned to the Kwantung Army in Manchukuo short before the Battles of Khalkhyn Gol started and then, after the cease fire signed between Japan and Russia, he was moved to northern China. In the end he was assigned to Gamō’s same battalion, the both of them under the Lieutenant Colonel, though back then the man was still a Major and not a Lieutenant Colonel yet.

Gamō had no idea what had been Tobisaki’s role before… but he knew during the time they had been in the same battalion Tobisaki hadn’t worked as a spy, just as a soldier, a soldier who, like himself, like the Lieutenant General, like the near totality of the others that were in the battalion with him, had been sent there not so much as to fight for Japan but to just die.

However… how had Tobisaki ended up in such situation? Like Gamō, had Tobisaki failed to accomplish his mission too? Didn’t he make to the final cut? Tobisaki, who was so smart and managed always to stay calm and collected… or, as Gamō had first suspected when he met him, had Tobisaki ended up on angering one of his superior officers to the point he’d been chased on the frontlines?

That was more likely as, even if Tobisaki often meant well, it wasn’t a secret he wasn’t really good at handling social relations…

* * *

_When Gamō joined the Major he saw another man was with him, a Captain with whom he knew the Major occasionally exchanged words and that had just been assigned to their battalion. The Captain was standing straight in front of the Major, as if he were a mere soldier waiting for instructions… even though Gamō was sure he and the Major were friends of some sort._

_“Did you call for me, Major?” Gamō asked simply. He wasn’t as respectful as he should be but he didn’t really care to be respectful. It wasn’t the Major’s fault. Gamō just didn’t care about much of anything. The Major nodded, not paying attention to Gamō’s manners or lack thereof._

_“Yes. Gamō, this is Tobisaki. Tobisaki, this is Gamō. From now on you two will be friends.” Both men had looked confused as they had turned toward the Major who, arms crossed, was looking at them with the expression of someone who has finally found a solution to all his problems._

_“What’s supposed to mean this?” Gamō had complained then, frowning at him. He didn’t need friends. He could do without other people dying on him, leaving him behind. Besides he knew what his plans for the future were: to die as the higher up wanted, now that they had no need for him. It was just the Major who was stubbornly refusing to let him meet his fate on the frontlines, but his was a hopeless fight. Gamō was sure the end would come soon for him… as well as for everyone else who’d been stuck there. After all no one, except the Major of course, expected them to survive to that hell and Gamō was of the opinion the Major was merely turning his eyes away from an obvious outcome._

_“Major… if I can speak frankly, I don’t think it’s a good idea…” Tobisaki had said at the same time as Gamō, showing clearly he too was against that plan._

_The two had then exchanged a glance before looking back at the Major. Gamō wasn’t surprised Tobisaki didn’t want to be involved in that crazy idea. Who would want to be friend with a soldier sent there to die? One whom rumours were calling a coward because he dirtied himself with the sin of spying, insulting the Army’s honour, as no respectable soldier would trifle with underhanded tactics? Not that Gamō cared about this either. Back then he had trusted the Lieutenant Colonel that what they were doing would benefit Japan in the long run and instead…_

_“No discussions. An order is an order. You two will do fine. I bet you’ve more things in common than you think. Besides, as now, you’re both two captains under me, it’ll be good for the Army too if you two start to get along. So make friends.” Said this, the man had left them to… deal with his orders. Gamō had glared at Tobisaki. Tobisaki had looked back at him with a guarded expression._

_“So you’re supposed to be ‘my friend’, huh?” he had begun coldly. He didn’t need socializing and the sooner the Major were to realize it, the better. He didn’t want other companions, the Lieutenant Colonel had been right, he had to be ruthless and passionless, he didn’t need bonds, he…_

_“You don’t have to force yourself to be friend with me,” the other replied tonelessly, turning his gaze away. “I can handle being on my own. It’s just that man… he always worries too much in his own way.” Tobisaki’s calm and dispassionate tone took a note of fondness in that last statement._

_Gamō blinked at that, confused. Was Tobisaki thinking it was Gamō the one who were to be forced in that friendship due to him? Wasn’t he feeling forced to be friend with Gamō?_

_‘You two will do fine. I bet you’ve more things in common than you think.’_

_“Don’t worry about the order. I’ll take responsibility for not respecting it,” Tobisaki had gone on, before moving to walk away._

_“Hey!” Gamō called him back but, when Tobisaki turned, he didn’t quite have an idea what to do with this guy. Was he too waiting for his own death like Gamō was?_

_‘You two will do fine. I bet you’ve more things in common than you think.’_

_Tobisaki looked at Gamō quizzically. Gamō stared at him, trying to figure him out. Tobisaki looked like the sort of guy who worked hard and did everything the best he knew but… just that. Differently from the Major, who walked forward supporting himself with his ideals and hopes, Tobisaki just seemed to walk forward because he should. Someone lost, someone for whom living or dying wouldn’t really make much difference and that was walking forward merely because he had to. Was he really that different from Gamō?_

_‘You two will do fine. I bet you’ve more things in common than you think.’_

_“Gamō Jirō. While the Major was decidedly going overboard with that ‘get friends’ request there’s no harm in getting along as we’ll have to work together,” it was all he managed to work out. Tobisaki stared as if he couldn’t quite believe him then…_

_“Tobisaki Hiroyuki,” he introduced himself bowing a little stiffly. “Pleased to meet you.” He didn’t seem unfriendly, just… not used at dealing with others._

_Gamō nodded in reply, unsure of what else he was supposed to do with the younger captain._

_“I’ll give you a tour of the place then. Maybe if they don’t move us to another location soon, which is what they usually do, it’ll come of some use to you,” he volunteered, at which Tobisaki had nodded before following him, attentive but silent. Gamō ended up doing most of the talking, Tobisaki merely acknowledging his words with nods or shakes. Gamō didn’t mind. It was odd but talking to Tobisaki of random things somehow made him feel as if a burden he had no idea he was carrying had lightened up._

* * *

Gamō was ripped out from his memories as the D Agency spy, once inside, called loudly his companions, telling them to come see who had dropped by to make a visit. People lazily came from the rooms in the corridors at the left and right or down from the stairs in front of them. They were unfamiliar faces to Gamō but they clearly knew the Lieutenant Colonel and Tobisaki.

Odagiri.

Whatever.

Anyway the situation became noisy in a rather fast manner.

“Amari can you stop yelling this early in the morning? Some of us are trying to…” the guy coming down the stairs and sporting the signs of a recent beating trailed off as he saw with whom Amari was, blinking in surprise.

“Odagiri and… Sakuma-san? You too came back with a child? Is it becoming a trend?” another guy coming from the right corridor and also sporting some bruises, stated.

“Tazaki, Hatano! What… Wait, what do you mean _‘me too’_?”

“Amari also brought back a kid he got from his lady-love in Hawaii, but I thought Sakuma-san wouldn’t do this sort of shameless things! Odagiri, you were there, you’ll have to tell us all the juicy details!” a third man chimed in, joining them from the opposite corridor.

“That’s not like it, Kaminaga! And what this story about Amari having a kid with a mistress?”

“Guys, guys, that’s Sakuma-san’s little brother! And Kaminaga, I told you many times that’s not quite how it went with Emma. Don’t get weird ideas in Sakuma-san’s head… Really, Sakuma-san, Kaminaga is just joking, I did nothing wrong, don’t look at me like that… Odagiri, you too…”

“Yeah, sure, he just stole a little girl from his mother… and even her dog!”

“ **WHAT?!** ”

“Hatano, you’re not helping!”

“We didn’t know you had a little brother, Sakuma-san.”

“Well…” Before the man could explain another person joined them. He was a tall guy and wearing a Kappōgi apron as if he were a housewife… or someone working in a restaurant.

“Sakuma-san…” he began then paused as he saw Tobisaki. “Odagiri.” He just… stared at Tobisaki as if the sight of him surprised him more than anything else. Strangely enough Tobisaki turned his gaze away as if he was feeling guilty.

“Hello, Fukumoto.”

It was the first time Tobisaki has spoken from when they had gotten there. It was probably supposed to mean something, though Gamō had no idea what. The tall guy nodded, then looked at the Lieutenant Colonel. His expression was hard to decipher but Gamō though there had been gratefulness in it. The others had calmed down all of sudden, as if they didn’t want to break the moment.

Sakuma smiled back at Fukumoto. He knew Fukumoto had been close to Tobisaki and he knew that in the whole Agency Fukumoto d been the one who had worried the most for him when Tobisaki had left. He also knew that, in his own clumsy way, Tobisaki had been close to Fukumoto as well. He was glad the two of them could finally see each other again. Absently he stroke Katsu-chan’s hair and tried not to think at how he too would have liked to meet up with someone but this wouldn’t be possible anymore.

“Well, I guess I’ll heard all about Amari’s child and how Tazaki and Hatano ended up that beaten up like that later on. Is the Lieutenant Colonel free? I need to talk with him before going to the General Staff Headquarters…” he began.

“If Yūki-san sees you in a uniform he’ll make you pay a fine!” Hatano reminded him with a mischievous tone. “Like in the good old times.”

“Oh, Sakuma-san doesn’t have to worry about it, I volunteered to pay it for him. After all I couldn’t lose this chance to see Hatano eat his hat!” Amari informed him with a huge grin.

“Uh? Why should I… wait, don’t tell me…”

Hatano moved closer, trying to peck at Sakuma-san’s insignias, which were currently kept hidden due to the child clinging to his neck.

“Don’t you too try hugging Nī-chan!” the child warned him in what was definitely a territorial tone, tossing him a glare that reminded Hatano of…

“How cute, Hatano wanted to give Sakuma-san a hug!” Kaminaga snickered. Hatano swallowed, then shook away the memory that child’s gaze had summoned.

“I didn’t! I just wanted to see…” he protested but he still felt uneasy.

“It’s Lieutenant Colonel now and if Hatano is eating his hat over this I want to see it as well,” Sakuma informed him. Hatano made a face but was careful not to look at the child.

“You’ve gotten nasty, Sakuma-san,” he commented, forcing a grin.

Sakuma had no time to notice something was amiss as a sound of distress form Katsu-chan distracted him. The child was burying his face against his shoulder and clinging to him in a way that was similar to how he had behaved on the train.

“Hey, is everything all right?” he asked him, frowning slightly at how Katsu-chan seemed slightly pale as well. He tried to give him a good look but the child only clung to him tighter.

“I’ve a headache, Nī-chan…” he whimpered. “Those people are too loud… Tell them to shut up…”

It was… as if those people had an echo each time one of them were to say something, an echo that said different things from what they were saying as if two conversations were going on at the same time and Katsuhiko couldn’t keep up with both of them. The worst part though was the feeling, the feeling Nī-chan would leave him here, with those odd people those voices were echoing in his head as if they were forcing on him memories of a life he hadn’t lived, would leave him here, in this place he knew and yet did not, leave him and then never come back and… and…

_‘Let’s go away from this place, Nī-chan… just you and me…’_ he wanted to say but he was trying hard to be on his best behaviour so he knew better than do it. Nī-chan wanted to talk with someone that was here… so Katsuhiko shouldn’t get in the way… otherwise Nī-chan could grow bored with him and abandon him as well…

“A headache?” the man echoed, resting his hand on Katsuhiko’s forehead. Katsuhiko wasn’t quite sure what he was doing but his touch felt nice somehow, even though it was unlikely it would take away his headache. “You’re not warm, Katsu-chan…”

Warm? Why should he be… then his brain supplied him with info he didn’t remember learning. Headaches could be connected to fever and a sign of fever is an increase in temperature. He frowned as he wished for his brain to just shut up as thinking hurt as well.

“Maybe he’s just tired, Lieutenant Colonel. The travel hadn’t exactly been easy on him,” Gamō volunteered. “And he’s right, this place is noisy.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask by a while, who’s him?” one of the D Agency men asked.

“The name’s Gamō Jirō-san, if I’m not wrong,” a new voice answered. Gamō knew that voice he realized as he turned his heard toward that speaker. “I take now he serves under Sakuma-san, right? By the way it’s nice to see you again, Sakuma-san, Odagiri-san.” Yes. That person… he was someone Gamō knew. His old training kicked in and he smiled effortlessly like how he’d done back then when he was meeting Graham-san, even though he felt all but prone to do it.

“Long time no see. I seem to remember though that you used to wear glasses back then,” he replied.

“Do I really look like someone whose eyesight needs to be helped by glasses?” the other replied smiling innocently but, by now, Gamō couldn’t believe anymore in the innocence of that smile. Cute and helpless Morishima Kunio had been a little more than a disguise after all.

“Wait, why you two…” Sakuma began then it clicked. “Don’t tell me…” …but of course it was, they didn’t really need to tell him. Though he didn’t know all the details of what had happened when Gamō was part of Wind Agency the little he knew was enough for him to connect the dots. “Wait, do I want to know?” he rhetorically asked covering his face with his hand, figuring things wouldn’t probably be pretty.

“No,” both Jitsui and Gamō assured at the same time smiling their own version of innocent smiles, which Sakuma was sure were fake while Tobisaki looked from Gamō to Jitsui and back with a mix of worry and confusion. He had no idea what had happened in Gamō’s past, beyond that a superior officer killed himself, but he figured if Gamō and Jitsui knew each other things could have been more troublesome than Tobisaki had previously assumed.

“Don’t worry about it, Lieutenant Colonel, it doesn’t regard you,” Gamō went on.

“Exactly Sakuma-san,” Jitsui agreed easily.

Sakuma groaned at that. Really he shouldn’t have let Gamō come but he couldn’t abandon him somewhere either… okay, so maybe they shouldn’t have come here but… Oh well, it was too late to change things.

“Fine, fine. I guess I’ll heard all about Amari’s child, how Tazaki and Hatano ended up that beaten, how Hatano thinks hats tastes like, why Jitsui’s that pale and whatever happened between you two that you think it’s not my business and that I **OBVIOUSLY** have to know, **AFTER** I’ve talked with the Lieutenant Colonel. Do you both think you can bear being under the same roof without causing trouble till then?” he asked without really hoping this could be possible.

Jitsui just gave him his most innocent look, but there was something fond in it. In their own way Sakuma and Jitsui had gotten along… sort of and Sakuma knew that fondness meant that Jitsui would at least try for his sake. Gamō grumbled something about having already promised not to cause trouble and that Sakuma was over worrying. Sakuma figured this would have to do.

“Well, now…” Sakuma began but Fukumoto interrupted him.

“Sakuma-san, before talking with Yūki-san, why don’t you join us for breakfast? You all look starved.” Fukumoto knew it was rather hard to persuade Sakuma-san to change his mind once it was set, but he felt it was worth a try. It wasn’t hard to figure that the man planned to talk with Yūki-san and then leave, his men in tow and Fukumoto… would like for them to stay a little longer instead.

“That’s nice of you to offer Fukumoto but actually we…” Sakuma-san predictably began but the child in his arms raised his head and cut him.

“Breakfast?” the little one asked in a small voice, sounding interested and looking at Sakuma-san pleadingly. “Oyakodon?”

“It could be arranged,” Fukumoto agreed readily. Actually he was planning to use the chicken he saved for something else but if it worked to keep them there… it was an acceptable sacrifice. Sakuma-san’s gaze moved from the child to him. Fukumoto sustained it. Though Fukumoto wore his usual poker face he wasn’t trying to hide the reasons why he made his offer and knew Sakuma-san could see them. Fukumoto also knew it had been always easier to get something from Sakuma-san by being as direct as possible. “I’ll be glad if you all will stop having breakfast here, Sakuma-san. We **ALL** will be,” he insisted, well underlining the word _‘all’_. If Jitsui had problems with that Gamō Jirō, well, he could just take them elsewhere. Odagiri was going to remain here, if only a few minutes more. Sakuma-san too. And Fukumoto was going to make sure they were well fed as it looked like they really needed it.

Still, something in his words caused Sakuma-san’s expression to shift into a melancholic one for a moment, and it was then Fukumoto realized he made a mistake. He said _‘all’_ but they weren’t really _‘all’_ there. Had Sakuma-san already asked about that missing person? Was he aware of what had happened or he was just sad he wasn’t there but was believing him to be… safe somewhere?

Still Sakuma-san made no question but turned to his little brother with a gentle smile, though there was pain in his eyes.

“Are you hungry, Katsu-chan?” he asked the child softly, to which the little one nodded energetically. “Then we’re in luck, Fukumoto is the best cook ever. His Oyakodon will be even better than the one you ate in Kure!” he assured, which made the small child’s eyes widen in surprise and then regard Fukumoto with newfound interest.

“I’d like to try it! Please!” he stated and Sakuma-san ruffled his hair fondly.

“Good. A real polite child,” he praised him, which caused the child to smile in delight. “Then, if no one else has something against it, I think we’ll accept Fukumoto’s invitation.”

“We’ll really be happy to have you here, Sakuma-san,” Jitsui assured and, for once, he wasn’t wearing his usual innocent expression but a more honest one. Fukumoto knew he and Sakuma-san had an odd _‘friendship’_ of some sort so maybe Jitsui really meant it. His own way. “Odagiri-san too. And, of course, Gamō-san is also welcomed to stay.” Okay, the last part was fake. Fukumoto hoped it at least fooled Sakuma-san, who turned toward his men.

“Whatever sits well for you, Lieutenant Colonel. After all _Tobisaki_ told you before you need to get some rest and have breakfast, didn’t you?” the one called Gamō pointed out, turning to Odagiri.

Tobisaki.

Was this Odagiri’s true name, Fukumoto wondered. Should they use this name to call him from now on?

“I said that, yes,” Odagiri agreed quietly, to which Amari beamed.

“Then it’s decided, we’re all going to have breakfast together like in the good all time!” he began, then Odagiri elbowed him lightly as Sakuma-san turned his head away, a shadow of pain crossing his face again. Amari winced and bit his lower lip as he realized he should probably choose his words more carefully from now on, but that interaction was enough for Fukumoto. Sakuma-san knew Miyoshi was no more.

Sakuma-san has carried back the person Fukumoto wanted to see the most… but he would never be able to see again the person he wanted to see the most. And Sakuma-san knew. And there was nothing Fukumoto could do to fix this and return the favour the man did to him.

Fukumoto frowned. Preparing the best breakfast for them wouldn’t even begin to cover the debt he had with the man… but, at least, it could be a start. He could work on how to pay the rest later.

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

**1\. Amari having to leave in a rush:** I guess everyone knows about the attack on Pearl Harbor, which took place on the morning of December 7, 1941. Honululu, which was the place on which Amari disembarked with Emma and, apparently moved to live in the novel is on the same island. After the attack took place the government placed the Japanese consulate staff under house arrest; the Swedish Vice Consul, Gustaf Olsen, occupied the Japanese consulate and provided services for Japanese residents in March 1942; many of the Japanese served by the Honolulu consulate found their primary income members placed under internment. They weren’t the only ones who ended up interned on Sand Island which ended up being used as an Army internment camp. The camp opened in December 1941, soon after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor and the subsequent mass arrests of civilians accused — often without evidence — of espionage or other fifth column activity. Over 600 Hawaiian residents, many of them U.S. citizens, would pass through Sand Island before it was closed in March 1943. Most of the internees had been transferred to Army and Department of Justice internment camps on the mainland beginning in February 1942; the remaining 149 were moved to the newly constructed Honouliuli Internment Camp. Amari isn’t an American citizen. Even in his fake identity as Osamu Utsumi he’s an engineer from Japan. In short, as he was a Japanese, he would have very likely ended up in an intern camp if he hadn’t left before Japan and America were at war.

**2\. Japanese people, English people and half blood people:** When Amari came back the Japanese were at war with USA and UK, so they wouldn’t look favourably to an English child… but they also were allied to the Germans and might not be good enough to realize that Emma was English if they were lulled into believing she was German. Back then Japanese weren’t fond of half blood for obvious race issues but it would still be easier for Emma to be viewed as a half German, half Japanese girl than just as a foreigner girl. In short Amari is trying to make things for her as easy as possible.

**3\. Potential trouble with the Military Police and the Army:** Back then graduates from the Army and the Military Police studied German and English and, while the ability of speaking such language varied from guy to guy, It might be harder to fool them about Emma being German. Also, due to their work they would be suspicious of a clearly foreign looking child and had the power to investigate things so things would be more troublesome if they were to suspect Emma.

**4\. Amari getting in trouble for leaving D Agency:** The D Agency boys are actually considered members of the army with the rank of Second Lieutenant. Amari couldn’t wake up and decide to drop everything and go live on Hawaii. The Army wouldn’t have left him quit, if he’d gone back home and said he wanted to leave D Agency, they would have sent him on the frontlines like they did with Odagiri, Sakuma and Gamō. Amari remaining in the Hawaii of his own choice was basically desertion. Yūki also made a big leap of faith in warning him to come back and taking him back in but Yūki prides himself as someone who can judge people and was sure Amari didn’t betray them.

**5\. D Agency’s number of graduates:** All right, all right this… is all very fictional. In Joker Game we see that the training of the boys lasts a year, and only 8 of them (7 if you don’t count Odagiri), graduates as spies. Apparently, through that year, Yūki trained just them. However the Nakano school on which D Agency is based actually had 2500 graduates before it was _‘closed down’_ at the end of the war. This means that each year they produced a little more than 400 spies… not just 7/8… and it actually makes a lot of sense as 7/8 spies in a year is a really a small number. So my options were two. Assume D Agency started producing spies en masse after Sakuma left or assume that they kept the rule _‘few but perfect’_. I went with _‘few but perfect’_ because it seemed closer to the _‘Joker Game’_ anime universe and makes the story simple (as well as spared me from having to give life to more than 2000 nameless spies…). Just keep in mind that this is not very historical accurate.

**6\. The D Agency boys and the status of Hiroshima and Nagasaki:** Had the spies gone there short after the explosion they would have been exposed to radiations too much (as they would have had ended up investigating ground 0 and while it was at its peak of emitting radiations, not just the borders of it) and, very likely, would have ended up on dying. Yūki had a hunch that sending the spies there wouldn’t be a good idea as he guessed which could have caused such explosion and let the soldiers located in Kure to do the investigations. There’s to say that information on what had happened to the two cities was poor, hence Amari’s vague comment on what happened to the cities. The boys in D Agency were left with only the public knowledge at their disposition on what had happened, due to Yūki refusing to share with them his info.

**7\. Japan’s surrender:** Well, it wasn’t easy for Japan to surrender but they had started considering the possibility before the two atomic bombs had been tossed, but were concerned about the Allies not giving the Emperor the appropriate respect if they were to surrender. However the United States dropped atomic bombs on the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki on 6 August and 9 August respectively and, always on August 9, the Soviet (with whom Japan had a Non-aggression pact) entered in the war against Japan invading the Japanese puppet state of Manchukuo. The Soviet entry into the war was a significant factor in the Japanese government's decision to surrender unconditionally, as it made obvious the Soviet Union would no longer be willing to act as a third party in negotiating an end to hostilities on conditional terms.

**8\. “Military Police” armband:** Japanese Military Policemen wore the same uniform as the soldiers, with only minor differences. The only one that would be visible from a distance would be that Military Policemen with low ranking wore a white band with the kanji for _‘kempei’_ (Military Police) written on it. The same didn’t happen to Military Police officers in fact, if you watch Joker Game, you can see that neither Oikawa, a Military Police Captain, nor Sakuma when pretending to be a Military Police Lieutenant wore it. Amari is dismissing the idea the three coming closer could be three Military Police officers as it would be unlikely that three officers would move together without underlings.

**9\. The travel to Tokyo:** Going from Kure to their first stop at the time would take an hour. In case you hadn’t figured out, the first stop for Sakuma and Co was Hiroshima and yes, from what was said by the reporters that, as soon as the war finished, from Tokyo went to Hiroshima and back in train, the travel would take 21 hours (and changing trains). Sadly I don’t know how many trains they would change and if the trains worked also during night and it’s also unclear if the 21 hours included night time in case the trains weren’t working… but well, now you’ve an idea of how long it took Sakuma and co to go from Hiroshima to Tokyo which is fundamentally a day. Poor Katsu-chan, for him it was a full day of terror.

**10\. Nagoya:** As said in the notes for a past chapter I’m assuming Sakuma is from Nagoya due to the Sakuma clan being from that area in real life. Now Nagoya back then was really the fourth most populated Japanese city and one of the three largest centres of the Japanese aircraft industry, the one that gave birth and produced the vital Zero fighters, Japan best war planes. Of course this sort of things is also what made the USA heavily bomb Nagoya more than once. Results? Among other things the station was burned down. Also Nagoya Castle, which had been used as a military command post and which was historically important because in it Oda Nobunaga had birth and Toyotomi Hideyoshi and Tokugawa Ieyasu had resided (they’re all important Japanese historical figures) was hit and mostly destroyed. It seems you can’t see the castle from the station so I had someone to inform Sakuma about this.

**11\. Meaningless missions and orders are orders:** This exchange took place between Yūki and Sakuma in Ep. 1 when Sakuma told Yūki they were tasked to investigate Gordon’s house.

**12\. Carrying backpack:** It seems that high officers wouldn’t carry their own luggage but have underlings do it for them. I’m not 100% sure about this as sources aren’t clear but well, I’ll go with this. Sakuma though is not that formal (after all he was promoted while constantly fighting) and doesn’t mind carrying his own luggage. Gamō though is worried this could influence the soldiers in Tokyo, especially the higher up, as they could end up thinking low of Sakuma who’s carrying his own backpack.

**13\. Tokyo Station:** Tokyo Station opened in 1914 and its building has been regarded not just as a transportation facility but as an important symbolic national architecture thus, Tokyo Station is the starting point of Japan’s railway network as well as the symbol of Tokyo, representing Japan’s modernization. Tokyo Station building, also called Marunouchi station building, was designed by Tatsuno Kingo, the authority of Japanese architects at that time, who also has designed famous buildings like the headquarter office of the Bank of Japan. The station building, consisting of several constructions combined side by side, was in European Renaissance design, with 3 large domes in the north, south and centre. Much of the station was destroyed in B-29 firebombing on May 25, 1945. The bombing shattered the impressive rooftop domes, the roofs burned down leaving the base structure, and most of the interior decoration was been lost. The station was quickly rebuilt within the year, though the building was closed for repairs from 1945 to 1951 and the restored building was only two story tall instead of the original three, with simple angular roofs built in place of the domes. Now… I’ve no idea if by the time Sakuma and Co reached Tokyo they had already started the rebuilding works but I strongly doubt it so the station is still damaged. Also, since Miyoshi seemed to love art works, I ended up headcanoning him as someone who liked that building.

**14\. Katsuhiko and Oyakodon (親子丼) :** Katsuhiko had his chance to sample Oyakodon in chap 2 and, since it was the first decent thing he ate, he fell in love with it, hence Katsuhiko’s desire for it. In case you don’t remember what Oyakodon is, it’s a Japanese rice bowl dish, in which chicken, egg, sliced scallion, and other ingredients are all simmered together in a sauce and then served on top of a large bowl of rice. And yes, there’s who have Oyakodon for breakfast in Japan. Not too sure how much is common but it’s acceptable.

**15\. Kudanshita, Tobisaki and Gamō:** First thing first, it seems D Agency was located in Kudanshita, hence that’s where Sakuma plans to go. Tobisaki doesn’t feel like going there not because he has ill feelings for the boys but because he tried to consider that part of his life as a closed one and he’s sort of nervous due to how he went away. He’s not sure how the others took it. I’m assuming that, since Kazato was sort of favoured by the Army, they tattled to him where D Agency building was, and that Kazato could have ended up passing the info to Gamō as well, hence Gamō knows where D Agency was… or how Sakuma worked as liaison there. Long story short, Sakuma also knows of Gamō’s involvement with Wind Agency, though he doesn’t know all the details, which is why he thought it was better if Gamō weren’t to come with them. Tobisaki, on the other side, was kept in the dark about the whole matter so he doesn’t even know a Wind Agency existed.

**16\. Wind Agency’s training methods:** It seems Wind Agency copied D Agency training method, including having practical skills taught by criminals, disguise technique by kabuki actors, and women's seduction by professional gigolo (which likely meant someone leaked D Agency’s training methods to them). Wind agency members though were required to be much more ruthless than D Agency boys and be capable to continue to carry on their duties emotionlessly even if they had to kill someone or if their friends were killed in front of them. I’ve assumed though, that with the fall out of Wind Agency and how its member were sent in the frontlines to die, their training fell apart and they had ended up on getting close… which hadn’t helped when they had also started dying one after the other.

**17\. Sakuma and Wind Agency:** In the canon Sakuma was likely sent to the battlefront as soon as he crossed Muto. I twisted canon a little so he remained with the D Agency boys a little longer. Due to this it was logical to assume that, if D Agency training methods had been leaked to Wind Agency (likely by Akutsu who’s supporting Kazato), it would have been even more convenient to hand it someone who had witnessed firsthand those training methods, Sakuma, in short. Now, Gamō was given a pretty summarized version of the story, in truth Sakuma didn’t outright refuse an order, nor Akutsu gave him one. Akutsu merely tested waters and Sakuma let him figure out he wasn’t interested in cooperating. Akutsu didn’t force him to obey by issuing an order but, since Sakuma wouldn’t cooperate willingly, he _‘punished’_ him by sending him to war… though, of course, officially it wasn’t said it was a punishment. It’s just my headcanon for this story though. Likely there had been no contact between Akutsu and Sakuma in canon.

**18\. Amari and Sakuma’s little brother:** Since Katsuhiko calls Sakuma ‘Nī-chan’ (big brother) when, considering they aren’t related and their age differences, it would be more logic for him to call Sakuma ‘oji-chan’ (uncle), Amari ends up on thinking Katsuhiko is doing it because Sakuma is really his brother. He knew Sakuma didn’t have any little brother when he worked in D Agency, but since Katsuhiko is so young, he just assumed he was born **AFTER** Sakuma left the place.

**19\. Amari Toshiyuki:** Amari’s given name is unknown. However Miwa Shirō said that among the Joker Game cast there was the habit to give to the spies the name of their voice actors, and since Amari’s dubber is Morikawa Toshiyuki (森川 智之), this would make him Amari Toshiyuki (甘利 智之).

**20\. Amari not noticing things:** Well, a D Agency man should always notice things but, for once, Amari was overcome with feelings and so, even though his mind registered details, he ended up on not really paying them attention. Hence he _‘forgot’_ about the two other soldiers and of Sakuma wearing a Lieutenant Colonel’s insignia.

**21\. Hatano and hats:** Yes, there had been betting on Sakuma’s future and this involved Hatano eating his hat if Sakuma were to reach certain results.

**22\. D Agency, uniforms and fines:** No people in military uniform could enter in D Agency… and who were to act in a soldier like manner would be fined. Hence Sakuma and Co shouldn’t have been allowed in. Amari is just deciding to ignore rules. Besides it’s not like they’ll matter much considering the time they’re in.

**23\. Tobisaki, Manchukuo and China:** The novel had Tobisaki assigned to China but the anime had him assigned to Manchukuo. I went with the anime continuity however, after the Battles of Khalkhyn Gol and the cease fire signed between Japan and Russia, I had Tobisaki being moved to northern China, where Sakuma and Gamō also were. He isn’t immediately assigned under Sakuma though, this will happen later, when Gamō was already under Sakuma and Sakuma had managed to become a Major.

**24\. Katsuhiko and D Agency:** If people is wondering on why Katsuhiko isn’t on friendly terms with the D Agency boys that’s because in this particular situation Katsuhiko’s memories are actually messing with him, confusing him, as they’re too much and too sudden. So, instead than react like Miyoshi would have had he had the chance to come back home, he feels confused, overwhelmed and threatened. Like with Sakuma, he’ll need some time before getting used to the D Agency boys and to the memories they wake up.

**25\. Graham, Morishita Kunio, Gamō and Jitsui:** Yeah, I’m referencing Ep 8 and 9, how Gamō spied Graham and how he and Jitsui met up while Jitsui was pretending to be Morishita Kunio.

**26\. Sakuma and Jitsui:** The official profiles claimed that Jitsui worried for Sakuma… even if in the official cards he also made fun of his stubbornness. I ended up headcanoning them as having an _‘odd’_ sort of friendly relation. Their own way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after lots and lots and lots of researches and various writing attempts… I ended up cutting what had happened when Sakuma and Co reached their first stop and were forced to watch Hiroshima’s devastation.
> 
> Sorry about this but it simply seemed I couldn’t make Hiroshima justice. The whole chapter felt forced, as if it wasn’t expressing the horror for what had happened to the city but merely taking advantage from it to drag itself on.
> 
> So I removed that part. Oh, what had happened to the city is planned to come up later on so it’s not like it’ll be forgotten… but I’d like to address it in a way that will do it justice and won’t felt just like an addition to the chapter for the sake of it. Well, at least I’d like to try doing it. We’ll see if I will manage to do so.
> 
> Also many thanks to [Emma_s_underlined_mine_of_writing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emma_s_underlined_mine_of_writing/pseuds/Emma_s_underlined_mine_of_writing) who was so kind to [draw Sakuma while he was feeding Katsu-chan](https://emmapink3.deviantart.com/art/Eating-Odango-during-the-Sorrowful-Wind-690453051?ga_submit_new=10%3A1499190169&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1&ga_recent=1). It was really a beautiful present and I’m honoured she took inspiration from my fic for her draw. Really, thank you a lot!


	5. Chapter 5

For as far as he could remember Katsuhiko’s only worries had been to take care of basic needs like getting some food, not being beaten, shielding himself from the cold or the rain. Clothes, especially clean and nice and new, weren’t something he could aim to get for himself and he knew it really well.

It was not that he didn’t want it… it was just that not only he had more compelling priorities but that acquiring them was beyond what he was capable to do.

So, when the odd man who, the day before, had picked him up and bathed him and dressed him and cut and combed his hair and feed him and let him sleep safely in such a soft bed and combed and dress and feed him again in the morning and… and… and… and gave Katsuhiko all a normal child should have…. Well, when he also carried him in a shop selling clothes with the precise plan to buy him new, clean clothes which would meet Katsuhiko’s tastes, Katsuhiko didn’t really know how he was supposed to feel. Buying nice clothes in a shop was something that had happened to him in dreams only, dreams in which he was older and stronger and didn’t have to worry about hunger and cold and people wanting to hurt him. In real life… he never experienced such thing.

Besides, normally shop owners refused to let Katsuhiko so much as vaguely close to their windows, as if his mere presence would dirty their clothes and now instead, thanks to this weird man, Katsuhiko had clean and soft and fluffy hair that made him look cute and therefore he was allowed in without a single complain and called _‘Bocchan’_ by the owners of the shop who was smiling at him as if he were a welcomed patron.

It was surreal and, unconsciously, Katsuhiko squirmed a little closer to the man, who had also carried him for most of the way as Katsuhiko, unused at wearing Geta, kept on tripping in his own feet.

The woman’s smile widened at that obviously believing the man with him was his father as she asked him what he would like to buy for his son. Predictably the man denied having such relation with Katsuhiko, after all why should he want Katsuhiko as a son when Katsuhiko’s own father didn’t? However he didn’t seem to want to tell the lady how Katsuhiko was just a random orphan he picked up.

_‘I think Sakuma-san makes for a good older brother...’_ the voice in the back of his mind whispered and Katsuhiko had no idea why he took it as a suggestion but...

“He’s my big brother,” he told to the lady with all the confidence he could muster. He was good at acting confident but he had never lied in such setting and therefore wasn’t sure the man would play along. “Right, Nī-chan?” he prodded anyway then internally cringed as another memory that wasn’t his but yet existed inside him came to his mind.

_‘You’d better not even consider start calling me Nī-chan as well, you got it?’_

Those words though, never came. The man stared at him oddly, then smiled.

“Right,” he agreed, gently stroking Katsuhiko’s hair. “That’s right. And now let’s find some new fitting clothes you’ll like.”

The rest of the time in the shop was spent checking for clothes. It was odd but, even though Katsuhiko never had the chance to enter in such shop... well, he knew exactly what to search, how to ask for something, the right colour combinations and fashion trends. That bit of knowledge, as many other bits, had been left inside him and now that he needed it, he could put it to use.

Katsuhiko loved that moment, loved watching the colours and the patterns and the cuts and the styles and feel the cloth under his small fingers and try things on and be left free to express his opinion and choose and complain and praise and... everything, really. And the man was humouring whatever Katsuhiko were to say or to ask and the lady was praising him for being such a cute Bocchan with such fine tastes for clothes and... and...

When they finally left the shop, Katsuhiko was back in the man’s arms but now he was wearing his new clothes and sucking on a candy the man bought him for being such a good boy. It felt too good to be true and Katsuhiko thought if that was a dream he didn’t want to wake up. Ever again. Even though he knew better than hope for such thing.

He realized his time was up when the man put him down and crouched down to look at him in the eyes. Time to be told he was going to be abandoned. Oh well, he was a strong boy. He could handle it.

He swallowed quietly. After all it wasn’t like he had really hoped the man was going to keep him. Why should he anyway? They weren’t really related. That man… he had probably merely pitied him and so…

“Katsu-chan. We need to talk,” the man began. “Do you remember what Gamō and Tobisaki and I talked while we were at the Sentō? How we need to go back to Tokyo?”

Katsuhiko nodded. Of course he did, he could easily remember something so simple. He also knew Tokyo wasn’t around the corner. Inside his brain there was also the exact distance between Tokyo and Kure but, as much as Katsuhiko tried to make sense of those numbers, they didn’t tell him much, just that it was a lot.

The man made a bittersweet smile and nodded.

“I knew you would. Tokyo is far from Kure and not only going there will require quite a lot of time but it’s unlikely we’ll come back soon. Maybe never. So, Katsu-chan, are you sure there’s really no one who’s taking care of you right now? Someone I should return you to?” the man asked and Katsuhiko frowned in annoyance. Back at this were they?

“I don’t need a grown up to take care of me,” he reminded him, only now Katsuhiko was aware even more than usual that it was a lie. He needed someone to take care of him, only he wasn’t allowed to such luxury. “I can manage on my own! I don’t need anyone! Not even...” he didn’t manage to end the sentence and the _‘you’_ he was supposed to say remained trapped in his throat as he grasped for air as suddenly breathing had turned out difficult. He didn’t want this but he knew better than to show it so why was it being so difficult to...to...

“I know. You’re a big boy,” the man agreed, stroking Katsuhiko’s cheek and Katsuhiko hated him for it. For being still so gentle and yet finding so easily to leave him behind when Katsuhiko actually... actually… “Still, I wanted to make sure. And even if you say you don’t need grown up to take care of you… there’s another thing I want to ask you. What would you say about coming to Tokyo with us?”

Katsuhiko’s eyes widened and he stared at the man uncomprehendingly. Had he heard him right? Was that a joke? His mouth opened, moved, but no sound come out of it.

“The travel will be long and Tokyo is a big city and...well, right now it’s probably in a poor shape but I’m sure with time you will like it. And maybe I’ll even manage to have you meet someone you might get along with. And... hum... I can’t promise things will be easy but... I’ll try my best to smoothen them, all right?” the man went on and Katsuhiko had no idea why his body was trembling now or why it was so difficult to say something, anything to the man but he simply couldn’t talk. “So, what do you say? Do you want to come? It doesn’t seem fair to take you away if you don’t want to.”

Of course, if Katsu-chan had refused, this would have meant Sakuma would have to find someone who would take care of him and make sure he would continue doing it even if Sakuma wasn’t there to check on that person. No way he was going to let Katsu-chan keeping on living in that miserable state and all on his own, regardless of Katsu-chan’s assurances he could manage just fine by himself.

As for Katsuhiko… he thought he wanted to tell the man he was a moron. Who in the world ever cared about fairness? Who in the world could think Katsuhiko wanted to remain in Kure on his own when he could... when he could... Only the words were still stuck in his throat, trapped, and he had no idea where his voice had gone. What would happen if he weren’t to manage to say yes? Would the man abandon him then? Would he? The thought was so horrible Katsuhiko, after a moment of hesitation, ended up on doing something he never did before, afraid of consequences but even more afraid the man would leave him.

Sakuma blinked in surprise as the kid tossed his arms around his neck and clung to him as tightly as he could, small legs trying to wrap around him as well, his lithe body trembling slightly, then he simply wrapped his arms around Katsu-chan and stood, holding him securely in his arms.

“I guess I’ll take this as a yes,” he stated, smiling. Katsu-chan nodded jerkily against his shoulder, still clinging to him. Sakuma stroke his back soothingly, giving him the time to calm down, trying hard not to think back at the time in which he had to leave for the frontlines, trying hard not to think at... He swallowed, memories assaulting him anyway. Would things have turned out differently if he had stayed? If he... if they...? But it was too late for such regrets. He couldn’t rewrite the past, he could only try to do his best to improve the future. He swallowed and, for a moment, allowed himself to tightly hug the child close to himself. “It’ll be all right from now on, Katsu-chan. I’ll make sure of it.”

Katsuhiko had no idea why the man’s hug felt familiar, familiar and precious and... and many other good things, but he decided not to worry about it. It was a good feeling after all, one that belonged to him now and not to some weird memories he had no idea how he had acquired, a feeling he didn’t want to lose. He didn’t want to let go of this man, he decided. He would do everything to keep him for himself, only for himself and never let him go. As he decided so, something inside himself also nodded in agreement.

_‘This time I won’t let go of him...’_ he thought…

* * *

...which was why Katsuhiko had been clinging to the man and staring suspiciously at all those new people that were talking to him from when they had gotten inside that building, making sure none of them would have the slightest chance to take the man away from him. Sakuma couldn’t know what was going through the child’s mind though, and so he had no idea how to reassure him. When he thought about carrying the child there, he had been thinking Katsu-chan would feel in his element at D Agency... with other smart and independent people… people that he… but, well, maybe he had been wrong… and had just imagined things, letting his own wishes taking control over his reason. Likely.

If that was true… maybe… maybe he shouldn’t have come back to this place.

Truth to be told, when he had decided to come here, he hadn’t thought at how each corner awoke memories of a time that wouldn’t come back… memories of _**_a person_**_ that wouldn’t come back. He had told himself over and over he was over that loss, that he had enough time to adjust to it…

He’d been naive. What he had assumed was getting over his death... in truth was merely too busy to think at it. Now that no one was out to kill him and that he didn’t have to plan any assault or something similar in the next five minutes...now that he was in such place he...

“Papa?” a young voice called from the door and, as Sakuma turned, he saw a young, foreign girl peering sleepily inside the room. He tensed briefly, pulling Katsu-chan closer as a voice inside his head snapped _‘enemy!’_ as if to order him to spin in action, to destroy that foreigner creature, to snap her neck and make the place safe again… then, although with difficulty, chased away such thought. She wasn’t the enemy, she was just a child. A child like Katsu-chan. A foreign child yes, but a child, child, child… He should think of her as a child. He should.

He swallowed.

Was she… Amari’s stepdaughter maybe? The one he had from a western mistress in Hawaii? Was she… not an enemy’s child maybe?

When the girl saw him and the others though, she tensed up as well and hurried to greet them.

In German.

Well, this waved away a bit of the initial tension Sakuma felt. German language. Germany. The Germans… they were allies. At least for now. Not that Sakuma liked them… but, as far as he knew, right then he had no reason to stab one of theirs to make the place safe again. Not yet at least, he mused, so he saw no reason to be hostile to her **__now__**.

Sakuma had studied German at the Imperial Army Academy, and, even though it had been years from the last time he had to speak it, he decided he could at least manage to greet her back in the language she used to speak to him. It was only polite. Tobisaki and Gamō followed his lead and Katsu-chan apparently parroted them as well... only now he was studying the girl speculatively. Sakuma thought it was either because she too was a child like him or because, since she was a foreigner, she looked _‘odd’_ to him, so he was completely unprepared for what happened next.

“From which side of Germany are you?” Katsu-chan asked her. In German. Perfect German. The child hadn’t parroted their greeting, Sakuma realized. He **__knew__** German.

The others too seemed surprise, exchanging quick, confused glances but Katsuhiko didn’t notice it. Being in that man’s arms lulled him in an unusual sense of safety causing him to somehow forget he should be cautious of other people, of their reactions as if finally he could believe no one would manage to hurt him, no matter what, just because this man wouldn’t allow it, he would keep him safe.

So, Katsuhiko for once didn’t worry about his surrounding but kept his gaze focused on the girl. There was something off about her. She didn’t look like a German child... she didn’t sound like a German child either... and he was so busy trying to figure out what was wrong in her he didn’t even realize he should have no idea of how a German child looked like... or where Germany was, really... or which sort of language Germans were to speak…

“I’m from Berlin,” Emma replied, doing her best to repeat correctly what her papa taught her. Emma had been a good student and had learnt German well enough, but it always made her a little anxious to take part to that mummery, which made easier for her to make mistakes. Even if her papa hadn’t wanted to give her all the details… she understood that failing in that game could lead to serious and unpleasant consequences and this scared her. She lost her true father and her mother already… what would be of her if she were to lose her new family as well? Still, she tried to keep calm as her papa taught her, she told herself it was a child questioning her, not an adult, that she could handle it… but there were also three new, unknown adults in military uniform with that child and if she were to make a mistake...what would they do? Why did they have a child with them? Were they collecting children?

“You don’t sound like someone who’s from Berlin. At all,” Katsuhiko stated with confidence and now using an accent that was slightly different from the one he used before, from the one her papa had taught her to use.

She tensed up. She knew what she should say, she knew it, she had gone through such thing many times with her papa but that kid... he was now staring at her in a manner that would have unnerved even an adult. Like he could read through all her lies effortlessly and...

“That’s impressive, Sakuma-san. I’ve no idea your little brother could talk Berlinerisch so well. He sounds like a native,” Amari interjected, coming to Emma’s rescue by diverting the general attention on Katsuhiko-kun’s proficiency in a foreign language.

Truth to be told in D Agency everyone knew Emma wasn’t really German... and Amari wanted to think that Sakuma-san and Odagiri wouldn’t report her if they were properly explained things... but he had no idea what that Gamō guy would do and so he preferred to play safe. Jitsui seemed to know him but Amari had no idea when the two had met and if this was a good or a bad thing.

Katsuhiko blinked as he realized what he had done and that no, he didn’t knew he could talk that language either. He finally caught the way the others were looking at him and immediately recognized that sort of gazes. Those were the ones that people gave him before calling him a monster because he supposedly said something he shouldn’t have. He’d been stupid, so very stupid… why had he been so careless? What if now…

Sakuma felt Katsu-chan tensing, his hold around him tightening as he stared at the others warily, as if expecting they would try to harm him.

_‘Lieutenant Colonel, what are you going to do with that kid? People here say he’s a weird one. He knows things he’s not supposed to. He creeps them out.’_

Sakuma figured the reaction of people who, in the past, had been scared by Katsu-chan’s unusual knowledge, hadn’t been friendly. How one was to fix this sort of things? How could he reassure the kid? This problem though, would have to be one he would take care of later.

“Katsu-chan is a bright child, isn’t he? It’s amazing how many things he know,” he replied to Amari without missing a beat, as if the little one had done nothing out of the ordinary. Truth to be told Sakuma had no idea Katsuhiko has used the Berlin dialect. His knowledge of German wasn’t that good it would allow him to differentiate between dialects however… He recognized the way Katsuhiko had spoken in German. It was the same way Miyoshi used, it was the way, smooth and confident in which Miyoshi rolled on his tongue that foreign language with the same ease he used for his own.

_‘It’s not so difficult, Sakuma-san. You just need some practice...’_ Miyoshi had told him once with an amused tone, moving closer to him.

Sakuma remembered he had shook his head at that. He had been the best at his course and had practiced a lot... but he was sure he would never manage to speak German with the same fluency as Miyoshi. It was always taking him quite a bit of an effort to speak each sentence correctly and smoothly enough he didn’t sound like a broken record and he always felt as if he had to force the words out. Truth to be told he sounded actually better than what it felt to him but it still was a pain for him to speak that foreign language and Miyoshi had laughed as Sakuma had honestly admitted it.

Sakuma also remembered the sound of Miyoshi’s laugh. He remembered it way too well. He would never be able to forget it. Of all the sounds he heard… this one would be one he would always love and carry within himself. Even though he would never be allowed to admit it.

That time, once he had done laughing, Miyoshi had moved even closer to him, close enough that if Sakuma were to bend down slightly he could… they could…

_‘Then practice it with me. I could also use some exercise and I’m sure you’ll get benefits from it as well.’_

Sakuma had no idea what make Miyoshi do such offering, nor what made him accept it. He only knew they spent almost his whole day off discussing in German... and that he had learnt from that discussion more about German than through all the time he spent at the Academy studying it. He remembered every single sentence, every single word… they were all there, inside him. All the things Miyoshi said in that weird sounding language had turned into memories that would never leave him… but memories had been all he’d been left with.

“I hate German,” he found himself stating, his gaze still lost in a past that wouldn’t return as he absently stroke Katsu-chan’s hair while the kid buried his face against his shoulder. Even though he was wearing gloves he knew the child’s hair was as soft as Miyoshi’s and found himself wondering if Miyoshi had been like Katsu-chan when he was a little kid. Overly bright and… considered odd by everyone else. He swallowed. It wasn’t like it was something he could ever find out. They would never get the chance to talk again, to share little bits of information again. That time was gone.

“Sakuma-san, Katsuhiko-kun’s breakfast is ready,” Fukumoto announced, diverting the general attention and distracting him from those thoughts.

“Ehhh? Why that kid gets to eat breakfast for first? What about our breakfasts?” Hatano protested. Fukumoto just looked at him. It wasn’t a threatening gaze but Hatano got the message clearly anyway. He shrugged. “Well, it’s not like I’m that hungry… I guess the kid can eat first….” he commented as he crossed his arms behind his head and looked elsewhere in his most nonchalant and careless expression. Really, he knew better than to try and get in between Fukumoto’s master plan to keep Odagiri there as long as possible, because it was obvious that each of Fukumoto’s actions were aimed to that goal.

To be honest, Fukumoto knew that, although Sakuma-san was pivotal in elongating Odagiri’s permanence at D Agency, he won’t manage to hold him there forever just by using the excuse of feeding Katsuhiko-kun, but he believed it could be a start. Now, he mused as he began to take care of the others’ breakfasts… if only he were to manage to get Yūki-san out of the place without Sakuma-san noticing… well, this probably would buy him more time and…

Then, as his gaze fell on Sakuma-san feeding Katsuhiko-kun he blinked as an old memory came back to him. Sakuma-san grumpily feeding a bedridden Miyoshi when the latter had gotten so sick he couldn’t leave his bed and had refused to eat in fear he would end up on throwing up.

That one… had been another of those plans of Miyoshi that sort of backfired spectacularly. Challenging the First Lieutenant to do something thinking he would back out as fast as possible and then see Sakuma-san stand up to challenge because Sakuma-san was even more stubborn than him when he were to set his mind on something. Really, Miyoshi should have learnt his lesson when Sakuma-san sat down to perform Harakiri… and yet it seemed he couldn’t help but keep on testing him, as if he wanted to know the man’s limits.

However… as silly as that had been… Miyoshi had seemed happy each and every time Sakuma-san surprised him and had diligently eaten what the man had fed him with… so maybe it couldn’t be really said his plan backfired, more that it took an unexpected but pleasurable turn… as for Sakuma-san… despite his disgruntled expression… he hadn’t seemed really unhappy. There was a certain softness in the way he looked at the other that had made Fukumoto wonder if he wore the same expression when he looked at Odagiri.

Not that it mattered, he mused, as Odagiri had never seemed to notice it. Cautiously, Fukumoto studied him. He’d grown thinner, with rings under his eyes to point out a clear lack of sleep and, really his eyes now seemed much older than what they should… but all those seemed traits he was sharing with Sakuma-san and the other soldier that was with them, along with dirty, crumpled, slightly broken uniforms and the need to shave and brush his hair. The only thing that differentiated Odagiri from his two companions was that while Sakuma-san’s gaze seemed filled with sadness and the one of that Gamō guy had a haunted quality Odagiri’s seemed… empty, worn out, as if he couldn’t see any future ahead of himself.

Fukumoto wished he could reach out to him, reach out and… he wasn’t sure what, put Odagiri to bed and let him rest all the time he needed… make sure he was feed, taken care of, his clothes mended, clean and ironed… make sure Odagiri would realize there was something he could long for in the world, something that could make him happy, something that could make life worth living.

Miyoshi had been right, he realized, he should have tried stopping Odagiri from leaving, from going back in the army, not that Fukumoto could have realistically hoped to stop him, Odagiri was the same as Sakuma-san in some things, stubborn to a fault, no Fukumoto wouldn’t have managed to persuade him to change his mind, he wouldn’t have managed to stop him, in the exact same way as Miyoshi, despite all his talks, didn’t manage to stop Sakuma-san from leaving even though… at least he tried… in his own way he tried to stop him by yelling at him and telling him how stupid he was being and… and a hug had been all he’d gotten, a hug and some whispered words he kept for himself.

It had been more than what Fukumoto had gotten and he wondered if it had given Miyoshi some sort of comfort through the years he’d been kept parted from Sakuma-san… before he died in that train accident. Fukumoto would never know but… but for a long time he had believed Miyoshi had been lucky. Even if he and Sakuma-san had parted ways… at least Miyoshi had known he had mattered to Sakuma-san, had mattered to him even though he wasn’t supposed to, even though this was a luxury Sakuma-san wasn’t supposed to indulge in.

Fukumoto had no idea if he had ever meant something to Odagiri, if Odagiri was glad to see him again and he knew better than to ask. Besides… at the moment Odagiri seemed so worn out inside that nothing truly seemed to matter to him. Right then Odagiri didn’t need to worry about Fukumoto… he needed rest and… and something that would give him the strength to carry on. And all that Fukumoto could offer him at the moment was only the best O-nigiri he could prepare along with the Misoshiru.

Gamō stared at the food served, then at the apparently expressionless man serving it before slightly kicking Tobisaki’s leg from under the table so as to force him to turn his attention on him.

“You’re in luck, it’s O-nigiri instead than just steamed rice. Don’t you favour them?”

He saw Tobisaki staring at him then at the food as if he had no idea what to do with it. Tobisaki was bad at accepting gentle gestures, as if he never expected them and, when they happened, they only left him confuse. Gamō has taken up as his personal duty to help Tobisaki handle them.

“I do,” Tobisaki admitted in the end, though he still seemed unsure.

Gamō held no sympathy for the people in D Agency. In his eyes they weren’t just unreliable folk people, they also were responsible for Lieutenant Colonel Kazato’s death. He would never be able to forget this, to forgive this. This silent guy who had prepared them food though… he seemed to care for Tobisaki. Tobisaki was a friend… and he hadn’t been involved in what had happened with Lieutenant Colonel Kazato as, by then, he was already on the frontlines. Gamō… Gamō wanted Tobisaki to live… or at least to survive if living in the true meaning of the world wasn’t possible any longer… and Tobisaki, in order to do it, would need all the help he could get, would need people to care for him. Who knew what would happen to them, to Japan, in the future…

So, although he didn’t feel like it, he grabbed an O-nigiri and bit it before kicking Tobisaki a second time and gaining himself a glare.

“It’s good, try it out,” he encouraged him. Tobisaki frowned then… did as Gamō said. “It’s good, isn’t it?” Gamō insisted and Tobisaki finally nodded.

“It’s… good. Very much so.” Gamō nodded, smiled at him and patted his shoulder encouragingly.

“Yeah, told you so.”

Fukumoto stared at the exchange, not too sure about what it was supposed to mean. That Gamō guy… he didn’t like them, of this Fukumoto was sure.

Fukumoto had been in Shangai when the whole thing with Wind Agency took place so he didn’t know much about it and didn’t really care, his only knowledge steaming about Kaminaga vaguely mentioning the thing in reference to how they found out Jitsui was popular with older women. This, as well as how he had interacted with Jitsui, had been all it had taken for Fukumoto to assume the man had been involved with Wind Agency and he knew he could be mistaken as Jitsui had also worked on other cases so maybe they had met in different circumstances… but all this didn’t really matter to Fukumoto.

The only thing he cared about was how this guy seemed to care of Odagiri. His own way. Had he contributed in keeping Odagiri alive? In helping him to come back? And how much close to Odagiri he actually was? How much important?

He eyed Sakuma-san, wondering if the man would be willing to clear up some things to him and again the sight of him and that child reminded him of past memories of Sakuma-san and Miyoshi. It made no sense, Fukumoto admitted to himself, skipping the fact that Katsuhiko-kun was a child, the atmosphere between the two was completely different and yet… yet…

Fukumoto kept a neutral expression as he privately acknowledged that Katsuhiko-kun, looked nothing like his supposed older brother and a lot like Miyoshi… from look to some of his mannerisms, never mentioning the unusual knowledge and… and Fukumoto shook his head because the idea that the child could be could be Sakuma-san and Miyoshi’s love child was plainly absurd and chances Miyoshi had sired a child with a random woman before leaving for his mission were also abysmally low so… could it be Katsuhiko-kun was actually Miyoshi’s little brother and Sakuma-san had… sort of picked him up in Miyoshi’s place? It would explain things and…

“You know, it’s odd, Sakuma-san, how your little brother doesn’t look like you at all,” Kaminaga stated, cutting through Fukumoto’s thoughts as he moved closer to observe Katsuhiko-kun attentively. In their own extremely competitive, often bitching way, Kaminaga and Miyoshi had been close and Kaminaga… the more he stared at the child, the more Kaminaga was sure. There was no way the little one was related to Sakuma-san… and he wanted… he needed to know the truth about that child and…

… and the little boy tossed him a quick glare before dismissing him the way one would dismiss someone way below him, or so it looked like. It was exactly the same gaze, the same infuriating gaze _‘someone else’_ used to have when he were to dismiss a moron, someone else Kaminaga too missed dearly even if he wouldn’t be caught dead admitting it. However, when Katsuhiko opened his mouth to speak, anticipating whatever Sakuma-san could say, Kaminaga immediately realized that the child wasn’t planning to just ignore him and be done with it.

“If I were in you I’ll worry more about how you don’t look like someone intelligent,” he stated, calm and cold, sounding like someone much older than he really was. “Just saying.”

There was a moment of collective silence as everyone stared at Katsuhiko again. Those weren’t the words one would expect a child to say. Before anyone could comment though, Sakuma-san cut the silence.

“Kaminaga… let Katsu-chan be,” he stated and his warning tone was one that didn’t admit discussions. Kaminaga couldn’t remember him sounding so peremptory, not even when they had gotten into discussions about the Army values Sakuma-san held so dear. “And Katsu-chan… that was rude,” the man added then, although his tone now was much more softer. “Kaminaga didn’t mean to offend you, so you shouldn’t have offended him.”

Katsuhiko frowned and didn’t meet his gaze. He didn’t want the man to scold him but… but he didn’t want others to question their relation, didn’t want them to figure out he was nothing else but a random tramp the man had picked up out of pity so… so why… why was the man allowing them to do it? Did… did he want to get rid of Katsuhiko after all? Or just to have them know about his sad condition so they could make fun of him at their leisure? Katsuhiko didn’t want to think at that and so he did the only thing he knew how to do when something was hurting him. He attacked back.

“I thought you would have appreciated me being honest. Should I have lied and said if he tries hard he can fool others into believing that he actually has a brain?”

Kaminaga opened his mouth to protest at those rude words then… then closed it as he was reminded of someone telling him exactly the same thing. It was a painful memory and the coincidence of the child using the same sentence was hard to swallow. He’d like to think it was planned, that Sakuma-san taught such words to the child but… but Sakuma-san had no idea such sentence had been said in the past.

Unaware of Kaminaga’s inner thoughts, Sakuma found those words painful as well, not for the quiet accusation of hypocrisy on his part but because, although he didn’t know those words, he’d been painfully familiar with that same attitude, that same tone. Memories crashed on him like a wave but he still held his ground. After all it wasn’t Katsu-chan’s fault if he reminded him of someone he couldn’t meet any longer.

“Katsu-chan… I appreciate when you’re honest. Really. However, as your older brother, I’ve to scold you when you’re rude, otherwise I wouldn’t help you to show to everyone what a lovely, sweet child you can be.”

Katsuhiko peeked up at him at that. It really… didn’t seem like the man wanted to get rid of him… or let the others mistreat him so… so had he really only spoken against what he did in Katsuhiko’s best interest? Had he really done something he shouldn’t have? Did that guy… really not mean harm? All of sudden he felt confuse and unsure about what to do. He really wasn’t used at people not attacking him, not attempting to be mean to him.

_‘Say ‘sorry’,’_ the voice in his brain suggested. _‘Sakuma-san will let it go if you sound as if you’re honestly apologizing. Sakuma-san will always let it go if he believes you’re honestly apologizing. He’s not a man who held things against the others…’_

“Sorry…” he parroted quietly, hoping this word work to fix everything. He wasn’t really sorry for what he told to that guy… but he wasn’t happy he had upset the person he wanted to stay with… so maybe it was an honest enough apology. In reply to his words the man smiled fondly, filling him with a warm sense of relief.

“Actually it’s to Kaminaga you should apologize, Katsu-chan,” Sakuma prodded him, though he didn’t really expect it to work. Katsuhiko gave Kaminaga a sideway glance and grew further annoyed by the way the other looked at him as if… he expected something. It was odd though. Although he was annoyed at the guy… all of sudden he didn’t seem that dangerous to him any longer. Not that he would lower his guard when he was around… it was just…

“I’m really sorry,” he stated in a tone that clearly said it was all but that. “It was very insensitive of me to point out your sad condition of a man who looks like he’s too dumb for his own good.”

Gamō laughed, not caring to hold it back, and some of the others followed him.

“Well, that’s good to know I’m not the only one he lashes out at,” he pointed out. “Your little brother is feisty, Lieutenant Colonel…”

Sakuma buried his face in his hand and groaned Katsuhiko’s name however, when Katsuhiko looked up at him, he didn’t scold him a second time.

“Well, at least you tried…” the man merely commented, which caused the child to smile as Sakuma-san patted his head. “You should try harder in the future though…”

Kaminaga swallowed. It wasn’t just those words, that tone, that attitude, he knew that smile as well. The way that child smiled was exactly like… How could Sakuma-san just stare at someone who looked so much like that person and not… No, this made no sense, it was a coincidence, Kaminaga knew better than to nurse silly beliefs. He had grown up from the time he believes eggplants could fulfil wishes. Hadn’t he?

Kaminaga wasn’t the only one who had noticed the similarities between Katsuhiko-kun and Miyoshi, through the others had, so far, kept quiet about it. The more this was going on though, the more they wanted to find a way to approach the topic and discover the truth. Whatever plan they could come up with though, was promptly dismissed as the door opened and silence fell, the only sound being heard were steps as well as the sound of a cane tapping the floor.

Fukumoto frowned. Well, this was unfortunate, he thought even if he didn’t let any of his own feeling transpire from his expression.

Sakuma instead fought down the feeling he should stand at attention as the man got in and only acknowledged his presence with a nod and a _‘Lieutenant Colonel’_. Not only standing at attention wouldn’t be appreciated in that place, but he wasn’t a First Lieutenant any longer so, as Gamō loved to repeat to him, he would do better to act his rank.

Ironically, hearing the words _‘Lieutenant Colonel’_ , Gamō felt instinctively compelled to try and stand at attention. It wasn’t out of respect, he had none for that man that had caused him so much grief, it was just the habit of doing it when someone of higher ranking entered in a room. An Imperial soldier has to stand in front of a Lieutenant Colonel, there was no other option. It didn’t matter what he thought about such Lieutenant Colonel, rules were rules and Gamō knew better than to break them. Tobisaki’s hand on his shoulder though, stopped him. He turned to see the other shaking his head.

“That’s not something you’re supposed to do in this place,” Tobisaki explained him and Gamō absently remembered himself that in D Agency there were odd, senseless rules, which often clashed with the Army ones. In Wind Agency… he’d been taught not to stand at attention when **OUTSIDE** the training centre but inside… inside it was an **ARMY** training centre and things there worked like in any other part of the Army.

“It seems you managed to survive,” Yūki only commented. Though his words were structured to sound as if having Sakuma and Odagiri back in the place wasn’t a big deal… well, he actually felt a huge sense of relief at seeing they were still alive and, apparently, not sporting any disabling or in other way serious injury. Though he had to admit he didn’t expect to see one of that idiot Kazato’s students with them. This could turn out to be a problem. “Though you chose the wrong outfit to show up inside here,” he added even if what truly caught his gaze was the child that Sakuma was holding in his arms. A child whose features were definitely familiar, as well as the way he was gazing up at him.

“My apologies, Lieutenant Colonel. We didn’t have the time to change,” Sakuma commented.

“And Amari volunteered to pay for their fines,” Tazaki supplied.

“Well, I couldn’t lose the show of Hatano eating his hat now, could I?” Amari commented cheerfully. “I think this will be worth all the fines of this world.”

“Amari, can you please drop dead?” Hatano retorted, though he didn’t sound angry. While he didn’t look forward to eating a hat… he much preferred that to the idea they could get news of Sakuma-san or Odagiri’s death. It had been bad enough with Miyoshi, he didn’t need more of that sort of news.

“About the hat… should I cook it for you first?” Fukumoto politely inquired. As the others started suggesting recipes for Hatano’s hat and Hatano was now commenting he hated them all, Katsuhiko spoke up again, albeit quietly.

“Nī-chan… Why was this man pretending to be limping?” Katsuhiko didn’t mean for the others to hear him, he had the feeling he wasn’t meant to notice this, a feeling that grew strong when the man’s sharp gaze rested on him intently. Uh, oh. Fine, the man had a sharp hearing, good to know. Still that man couldn’t really do something against him, could he?

“That… that’s because it’s part of his work,” was the best Sakuma could come up with after a brief hesitation. This sharpness, this attention to details… it was hard, so very hard not to keep on deluding himself when Katsu-chan kept on doing such things… but there wasn’t time for that. Or maybe… maybe it was better this way. Let’s let the Lieutenant Colonel know… know how sharp Katsu-chan was, what he knew, and let’s let the man draw his own conclusions without Sakuma having to explain him something he couldn’t even explain to himself.

After all he hadn’t come here just for Tobisaki. Katsu-chan too had been part of why he had to come back to this place.

He stood, Katsu-chan still in his arms.

“Lieutenant Colonel. I’d like to introduce you to my younger brother, Katsuhiko.”

Yūki studied him at that.

Back in the time in which he lived in the Greater East Asia Cultural Society Sakuma had never been the best of the liars. Oh, he could keep something for himself very well, he was the type who wouldn’t talk not even under torture, and was good enough not to betray his secrets to the other students, but lying wasn’t his thing, more because he was strongly about it than anything else. He would prefer to switch topic or to redress the truth into something more roundabout and acceptable. At the time though, Yūki could easily see through such things. This time however, Sakuma spoke in the same straightforward manner he would have used to say there was no way he wouldn’t met his companions at Yasukuni Shrine after his death. Wherever that had been true or false, Sakuma had believed in it in the same way he was believing this child was his little brother… which couldn’t be as Yūki knew well Sakuma was an only child. Discussing it with Sakuma though would lead him to the same place they reached when they discussed about how useless it was to commit suicide.

Nowhere.

So, he stared at the child instead.

He knew those features that reminded him of a painful loss, he knew them as well as he knew that person too didn’t have little brothers and it was unlikely he would have sired children. And the name…

* * *

_‘Maki Katsuhiko. 28. Single. He’s from an affluent Japanese family and will go to Europe to study art. You’ll use this disguise to move into Germany, Berlin, and then start an activity there as an art dealer. You have to completely replicate him before you’ll board the Hakusan Maru. Can you do it?’_

_‘Consider it already done. I’m Maki Katsuhiko now.’ A chuckling had followed as the thick folder of documents were placed down on Yūki’s desk carelessly, a clear hint of how the other had needed only a single reading to memorize them all. ‘Though I think this name is a bit too revealing. A skilful boy, isn’t it? I wonder what Sakuma-san would say about it.’ Miyoshi Hiro… no, Maki Katsuhiko, didn’t lose his smile as he said so, nor his expression shifted in any way it could imply how that sentence had been something more than a casual remark about fitting names. Maki was that good after all. Yūki though… was far better than him at reading in between the lines._

_‘The captain would probably warn you about not being overconfident and acting more modestly despite now being called as such. Maki Katsuhiko isn’t supposed to be conspicuous after all and this will be a long mission.’ Maki cut what were meant to be Yūki’s words of cautions._

_‘Good, then he’ll have all the time to be back before I’ll return so warn him to prepare for my bragging on how easy this mission was for me.’_

* * *

They had exchanged a glance and that had been all they told to each other before Maki were to leave for Europe. They hadn’t needed to speak any further. Yūki had gifted him with the knowledge Sakuma was still alive and had managed to be promoted after all, and Maki had subtly reassured him he wouldn’t fail, that whatever his tie with Sakuma was he wouldn’t hinder him in any way, actually it would only motivate him more. He had been true to his word. Maki hadn’t failed. In all that time he’d been in Germany, till the moment he drew his last breath, Maki’s work had been impeccable. And if that train accident had never occurred…

“Pleased to meet you,” the child stated perfunctorily. Clearly he wasn’t and he saw no benefit in pretending he was glad to meet him even though the way he was looking at him reminded Yūki of how a man had looked at him the first time they met, a studying glance that seemed to imply the other was trying to guess if Yūki and his spy school were worth his time.

Now Yūki had always been firm in the belief that a spy needed to be confident but that particular young man had definitely topped everyone else who had ever showed up on the Greater East Asia Cultural Society doorsteps… and now that he was seeing that same expression on this child…

Yūki kept his own feelings for himself and chose to frown, that sort of frown that had scared adult men, but the child remained unimpressed. Not simply unafraid, as someone who can’t sense the danger or is used to face it head on and won’t let Yūki scare him, no, that child was merely unimpressed as if he could understand that Yūki was just testing him and was thinking the whole thing was ridiculous. Yes, there was nothing of Sakuma in that small face and way too much of a man who had given up on his true name long ago.

Yūki believed in reincarnation as much as he believed that the Emperor was a living god, not even one single bit. He had discharged the possibility Katsuhiko were to be that man’s child or younger brother but he wasn’t planning to exclude the possibility a distant relative couldn’t have inherited a resemblance with him. Or maybe it was just he was seeing in that child more than there actually was out of a misplaced sense of regret. Sure, he didn’t miss how that child also was called _‘Katsuhiko’_ but how many people in Japan shared that name? Really, there was nothing more in that situation that life’s odd sense of irony, so why he felt as if he was coming to the wrong conclusion?

He turned his gaze on Sakuma and… couldn’t help but pity the man. If for him it wasn’t as simple as it should have been to draw a line between this child and Maki… for a man like Sakuma, filled with naïve beliefs and all the desperate hope of a person who doesn’t want to admit he lost his loved one forever, it should be even harder.

Sakuma made a mistake in picking up a child that couldn’t be the person he wanted him to be… but Yūki guessed it was too late to do something about it and Sakuma probably wouldn’t listen such words. So all he could say was…

“I doubt introducing me to your brother is the only reason that brings you here.” Sakuma nodded, as he placed the child in the chair he had vacated. Yūki noticed how Katsuhiko looked at Sakuma with a frown on his face now, a clear hint he had a bad feeling at how things were developing but also a clear hint the child was perceptive.

“Lieutenant Colonel. I’ve a request. I’d like for my men and my little brother to wait me here as I’ll go to report to the General Staff Office,” he stated. Yūki had no idea what Sakuma had to report but, from the look of it, it wasn’t good news if he wanted his _‘little brother’_ and his men to stay behind in a place he evidently deemed safer for them than the General Staff Headquarters.

The people Sakuma wanted to leave behind got it as well.

“Lieutenant Colonel!” Kazato’s underling protested rising abruptly from his chair along with Tobisaki, who didn’t comment but grabbed Sakuma’s arm as if to physically stop him from going anywhere.

The child instead remained quiet in his chair, head now lowered and turned away from Sakuma so that whose too bright eyes were now kept hidden from Yūki’s sight.

Sakuma sighed but it seems he wasn’t surprised by those reactions.

“Can you two not to? It’s not like I’m leaving for China again. I’ll go there, report and be back. It won’t take long, I was used to go back and forth from here to there prior to leaving for China,” he assured as he rested his hand on the top of the child’s head and stroke his hair gently, in what was likely meant to be a reassuring gesture as if sensing that, although Katsuhiko hadn’t protested, he too needed to be reassured. Still Katsuhiko refused to turn toward him or anything, even though he seemed to grow slightly tenser.

Meanwhile Yūki thought he had to revise his opinion of Sakuma. The man had turned out to be a much better liar than he was in the past, because it was clear Sakuma knew it could end up not being so simple.

Yet… he saw both Tobisaki and Kazato’s underling hesitated. They obviously knew it wouldn’t be as easy as Sakuma pictured it to be, it couldn’t be or Sakuma wouldn’t leave the two of them behind but… but they knew better than to blatantly disobey to his instructions. Especially in front of other people. Yes, Sakuma had changed since now he was capable to put people in such situations. He stared at him. He should be only 34 by now. He felt much, much older, as if he’d seen and go through things that had aged him abruptly.

“You can’t go to the General Staff Headquarters building, Sakuma-san. The place burned down,” Jitsui pointed out without waiting for Yūki-san’s reply, his own not so delicate way to stop the man from going, those words gaining him to have the attention of the three soldiers focused solely on him.

“It… what?” Kazato’s underling asked.

“It caught fire during the firebombing of May 25th. The fire spread till the Imperial Palace, you know? Some say they actually wanted to attack the Imperial Palace and the General Staff Headquarter was either involved by mistake or because they hoped the fire would spread to the Imperial place.”

“His Majesty… Is His Majesty…” Sakuma-san began a look of horror on his face and Jitsui felt like rolling his eyes at this man hopeless loyalty to the emperor. This however was part of what made Sakuma-san _‘Sakuma-san’_ , his unwavering loyalty to the one he was sworn to.

“He’s fine, of course. Not even a scratch. You don’t have to worry, they have an imperial bomb shelter for a reason, you know. Besides you’ve heard him give that public broadcast, didn’t you?” Kaminaga wanted to point out how it was ridicule for Sakuma-san to worry so much for the man if he still believed he was a _‘living god’_ but he felt that probably wasn’t the best moment.

“Yes, Sakuma-san, and after that broadcast there was some confusion inside the Army and probably there still is so I think it would be better if you postpone your report. I’m not sure they’ll be welcoming of new faces coming to visit them as of now, so I recommend for you to stay here and wait,” Tazaki suggested trying to take advantage of the shock caused by the news to persuade Sakuma-san to be more compliant.

The man though, over those six years, had gotten used to recover from shock faster than they remembered.

“What do you mean? Which sort of _‘confusion’_?” It wasn’t the tone of a man asking for explanation, it was the tone of a commander demanding a full report before spinning to action. Tazaki realized his misstep but now it was too late to pull back.

“You heard the broadcast, didn’t you? What you heard through was actually a registration of the Emperor’s speech, a registration that a bunch of belligerent, young idiots tried to destroy before it was transmitted, going so far to occupy the Imperial Palace and Imperial Household Ministry,” Yūki informed him. “They managed to accomplish nothing but murder Lieutenant General Mori and his brother-in-law, Lieutenant Colonel Shiraishi before being stopped by General Tanaka. In the end the chief conspirators shot themselves, showing they didn’t even have the guts to make a proper Harakiri.”

“As if this wasn’t enough, while the coup was taking place, General Anami, who was the one who signed the surrender document with the rest of the cabinet, cut his stomach open leaving a note in which he _‘humbly apologized to the Emperor for the great crime’_ whatever that was, if losing the war or being involved in the coup d’état,” Amari added.

“There had been disorderly events in Yokohama as well, where another group of rebels had attempted to the life of Prime Minister Suzuki and the President of the Privy Council Hiranuma. The war is ended and, despite this, the Army has still its hands full,” Hatano went on. “And there should be a mess in Hiroshima and Nagasaki too due to the consequences of the American attack but Yūki-san won’t let us check what had happened there.”

Contrary to expectations Sakuma didn’t go in overload. He just thought back to what he had seen from Hiroshima station, to that wasteland that had once been a city and now was… what? He wasn’t sure anymore.

“He’s doing a favour to you, you know. I don’t know about Nagasaki but there’s nothing to see where Hiroshima was apart from the Shinigami walking on Earth, collecting souls as easily as children would collect shells on the beach. Where Hiroshima was… now there’s the door to the land of Yomi to replace the one that was supposed to be in the Izumo province and was sealed by Izanagi-no-Okami,” he stated and Tobisaki and the other guy that had came with them nodded at that.

“The giant, shiny, purple monster-mushroom of smoke and fire really ate the city up. It wasn’t a silly fairy tale,” the child added quietly, though now his voice had a haunted quality. Maybe that sight had been too much for him.

It was laughable what they had just said and the men had D Agency would have wanted to point it out but Sakuma-san’s face as well as the ones of Odagiri and of the other guy were far too serious to doubt their words. Sure, the place couldn’t be the land of Yomi for real… but it was clear it was a horror for which the men had found no other name.

Yūki nodded gravely. He had assumed it would be that bad… though he had desperately hoped he had been wrong.

“Anyway, stay. Whatever you’ve been tasked to report, it won’t change things,” the man told to Sakuma. He wanted to add that the other needed to sleep, to recover from the news and from whatever he had seen in those six years as well as from his visit to Hiroshima but knew these weren’t things that would stop him as Sakuma would only consider them as meaningless details. “Maybe it’ll be even better if they don’t know about it,” he suggested. Sakuma couldn’t have any good thing to report after all considering how the Japanese situation in China was far from favourable.

“I’ll go instead. Even if the place had burned up, surely the higher up are still around and had moved to a safer location and, even if my report won’t change anything, it’s still my duty to make it,” Sakuma stated firmly and Yūki saw that, despite everything that had happened, Sakuma’s core hadn’t changed a single bit and didn’t know if to feel pleased about it or feel like banging his head against a wall. “So please, while I’m there let my men and my brother rest here,” he asked as he bowed to the man. “They won’t cause you troubles.”

“They can stay,” Yūki conceded. Through in ordinary circumstances he would have preferred not to keep one of Kazato’s underlings under his roof, he figured he could make an exception. “And you might save yourself the troubles of going there and head straight for Ichigaya-Dai. That’s where the General Staff Headquarters had been moved.”

Sakuma thanked him. Tobisaki and Kazato’s underling frowned, clearly displeased, but didn’t argue. Katsuhiko didn’t comment nor react in any other way. Sakuma knelt in front of him so they were at eye level even if the boy kept on looking on the other side.

“I’ll come back for you,” he stated, serious and honest. It was the sort of tone one should never doubt and Katsuhiko would have loved to be able to believe in such words. The truth was though that this man was leaving him and he had no real reason to come back just for Katsuhiko… not mentioning everyone seemed to think it would really hard for him to return back even if he were to want to.

“You’re a moron who goes and does dangerous things and gets himself killed. I don’t need you to come back,” Katsuhiko replied. “There’s no point in waiting for a person who won’t come back alive. No one would do it. I’ll just forget you and move on. I can take care of myself.”

It felt weird to voice those words, like they had belonged to him for a long, long time in a sad and painful way. No one would wait for a dead person. They’ll just forget said person and move on. No one would wait. No one.

He saw the man’s gaze growing pained, as if Katsuhiko’s words had been even more crueller than Katsuhiko has assumed, for his expression to settle back into a determinate one a moment later.

“I would do it.” he stated but he didn’t look like he was seeing Katsuhiko any longer, his gaze lost somewhere only he could see. “I’ll do it.” Then the man’s expression shifted as he seemed to focus on Katsuhiko again. “And I’ll also come back. I promised you, didn’t I? That it would be all right from now on and that I would make sure of it.”

Katsu-chan studied his face, as if searching for signs he was lying, as if unable to accept he was not. If that child had been Miyoshi, Sakuma would have rested his forehead against his… but that child wasn’t Miyoshi, he was Katsu-chan and so Sakuma only brushed his cheek with his fingers.

It was a gentle touch, Katsuhiko mused, the sort of touch that made him wish he could nuzzle into and it shouldn’t hurt him and yet… it did. Not on the outside, inside. That man… he was always gentle when he handled him, as if he were something precious, as if he weren’t the miserable orphan no one wanted to take care of. It hurt and at the same time it was addictive even thought it was foolish to hope it would last and he should know better than to trust that person and yet…

_‘That’ll suffice. I know Sakuma-san would never break his word…’_

_‘I want to go back… I want to see you again… I… I… I want to return back home, Sakuma-san…’_

A wave of feelings that didn’t belong to him, mixed with his own and hit him, overwhelming him. His throat stung and his eyes prickled and he had no idea why as he felt unbearably lonely and longing for this person’s presence, afraid to let him go.

Small fingers tangled into Sakuma’s uniform, pulled him closer as Katsuhiko hid his face against the man’s chest, inhaling his scent.

_‘I don’t want you to leave…’_ he thought. _‘I don’t want you to leave me…’_ but voicing such thought was a luxury he couldn’t allow himself. He felt the man stroking his hair softly, soothingly.

“You’ll stay with Gamō and Tobisaki, Katsu-chan. They need someone as smart as you to look after them while I’m not here and they won’t let anyone bother you. And when I’ll be back you can report to me on how they behaved.”

Katsuhiko figured it was meant to be something to reassure him and make him smile and wanted to scream at him he didn’t need such reassurances, that he wasn’t a little kid, that he could manage on his own. His voice thought didn’t quite cooperate with his thoughts.

“What if they don’t let you come back? Everyone thinks it’s a bad place to go… what if they don’t let you come back?” he asked sounding for once a child of his age.

“I’ll come back. There's no way that wouldn’t happen…”

“Tautology. Spare me the sardines’ heads… just because you believe it, it doesn’t make it true…”

There was a sudden silence from everyone, one that made it look as if time has stopped as even the man’s hand for a moment paused in caressing him. A small side of Katsuhiko realized he’d done something that had made him look weird again but it didn’t care and, anyway, that moment of silence and stillness didn’t last long.

“Then I’ll make it true. Because I believe it, I’ll turn it into the truth.” That man… he sounded so sure… and Katsuhiko wanted to tell him he was a moron because _‘faith’_ isn’t enough to turn _‘beliefs’_ true but… but maybe he too wanted to believe… or maybe he knew there was nothing else he could do or say to stop that man.

“Then prove it. I’ll believe you only if you’ll prove it,” he demanded, pulling back. It felt… smooth enough it won’t reveal how scared and desperate he was at being left behind.

“Then it’ll be all the more reason for me to come back as soon as possible,” the man stated with a fond smile, his hand now rising to stroke Katsuhiko’s hair. He didn’t sound like he was making fun of Katsuhiko, he really seemed to mean it… and Katsuhiko could only nod in reply, before watching as the man stood up.

“Lieutenant Colonel Sakuma. Before you’ll leave I’d like to exchange some words with you. In private,” the Lieutenant Colonel Yūki told him when he was about to leave. Even though by now Sakuma had all the time to get used to being called _‘Lieutenant Colonel’_ he realized it felt weird to have the man call him as such, it sort of gave him the feeling he should look around and search for said Lieutenant Colonel Sakuma because, of course, it couldn’t be him as he was merely a First Lieutenant and anyway the Lieutenant Colonel before always called him merely using his name, not his ranking, no one used ranking in that place so… why? Had things changed that much? Or was there a reason he was missing?

He didn’t really know and he had no reasons to refuse to the man’s request so he simply agreed and left the room with him.

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

**1\. Geta (下駄) :** Traditional Japanese sandals with an elevated wooden base held onto the foot with a fabric thong to keep the foot well above the ground. They are worn with traditional Japanese clothing such as Kimono or Yukata. As Katsuhiko was used to walk around barefoot, he’s not used at wearing Geta and they feel uncomfortable to him.

**2\. The whole ‘Sakuma can be a good brother/don’t call me brother’ matter:** In case someone forgot about it, those sentences that Katsuhiko is ‘remembering’ happened in a scene in chap 3 depicting Miyoshi’s (and Sakuma’s) past. Of course the whole scene isn’t canon but something I created for this fic but since it has been a while from when chap 3 was released I won’t blame you if you forgot about it.

**3\. Miyoshi and clothes:** Miyoshi is a narcissist and his waistcoat is the only one among the D Agency boys and Sakuma who has an adjustable back buckle so as to make sure it would be a perfect fit. From here the idea he also fusses on his clothes, on how they should look and which style they should have.

**4\. The whole German language business:** A premise. In the time setting in which Joker Game takes place in Japan it was considered important to study one European language in high school among English, German and French. As Japanese webs talk specifically of German language and not of one of its dialects I’ll assume they’re talking of the Standard German language (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong… it’ll be probably difficult for me to correct it in this fic but I’ll keep it in mind for future reference). Just so you know standardization of the German language started in the middle of the 1800 but it’s in 1901 that the 2nd Orthographical Conference ended with a complete standardization of the German language in its written form and the Duden Handbook (a dictionary) was declared its standard definition. Now… when Amari had decided to pretend Emma were a German girl from Berlin he taught her standard German language. While this would be inaccurate (Not only Standard German differed quite a bit from the dialect spoken in Berlin (the Berlinerisch) but it seems back then Standard German was considered the equivalent of a foreign language from the people in Berlin’s area (and not only that area) and was usually encountered only in writing or formal speech), since that was the version many Japanese studied and he didn’t expect Emma to meet up with real German people, he had assumed it would make things simpler. Japanese people would hear Emma speaking a German they could recognize and would assume she was German. In fact it works just fine with Sakuma, who only knows Standard German, and even if Gamō and Tobisaki should actually know better as they had better knowledge than him in regard to German, it sort of slips under their radar as they hadn’t been involved in spy business and German language for years. The plan backfires when Katsu-chan unconsciously remembers Miyoshi’s experience in Berlin and realizes the dissonance between how Emma spoke and how people in Berlin spoke. So he first plays along, using Standard German to talk with her and lull her in a sense of security, then shoot her down switching to Berlinerisch. **A BIG NOTE HERE.** I’m not familiar with Standard German or Berlinerisch so it’s possible that the sentence Katsuhiko says doesn’t really bear that many differences between the two to make it immediately recognizable as being spoken in Berlinerisch. According to how the translator translated it and how webs listed the differences in pronounce of the two it should, but really I might have messed up big time. If that’s the case, please forgive me. I tried my best. Also, Amari actually thought to the case someone were to be knowledgeable enough to realize Emma should spoke Berlinerisch but Katsu-chan managed to have Emma panic so she couldn’t remember anymore what she should say.

**5\. Amari, Gamō and Jitsui:** I think that everyone knows that Jitsui knows Gamō due to what happened with Wind Agency. At that time however Amari wasn’t in Japan (he was still in Hawaii with Emma and Frate) and no one briefed him so he has not the slightest idea about what had happened or that a Wind Agency even existed.

**6\. Sakuma and gloves:** If someone is wondering why Sakuma is wearing gloves it’s because they’re part of his soldier uniform.

**7\. O-nigiri or Onigiri (お握り or 御握り):** A Japanese food made from white rice formed into triangular or cylindrical shapes and often wrapped in nori (seaweed). Traditionally, an O-nigiri is filled with a salty or sour ingredient as a natural preservative. They’re among the foods commonly eaten for breakfast in Japan. In the Drama CD 4 ‘Go forth! 2nd year D Class Sakuma-Sensei’ it was said that Odagiri liked O-nigiri, which supposedly caused a childhood friend of his to prepare Odagiri a bento filled **SOLELY** with white rice and not side dishes… which disappointed him quite a bit. Long story short, I took inspiration from this to make O-nigiri Odagiri’s favourite food and yes, Fukumoto prepared them exactly keeping this in mind.

**8\. Misoshiru (味噌汁):** A traditional Japanese soup consisting of a stock called "dashi" into which softened Miso paste is mixed. Many ingredients are added depending on regional and seasonal recipes, and personal preference. By the way Miso (みそ or 味噌) is a traditional Japanese seasoning produced by fermenting soybeans with salt and Koji (the fungus Aspergillus oryzae) and sometimes rice, barley, or other ingredients. It’s also a typical Japanese breakfast food. It’s worth to note that Miso is high in protein and rich in vitamins and minerals, to the point Miso played an important nutritional role in feudal Japan. And again yes, Fukumoto chose to prepare it keeping into consideration how thin Odagiri looked.

**9\. Gamō, D Agency and folk people:** D Agency members, apart from Odagiri, didn’t come from Army schools and therefore were labelled as _‘Chihō-jin’_ (地方人) which you can translate as _‘local/folk people’_. At the time this word was used by the people in the army as a derogatory term for civilians. Gamō comes from the Army and therefore shares with the Army the belief that since the D Agency members were handpicked from civilians they still are untrustworthy (once they joined D Agency they were turned into Second Lieutenants and therefore they became members of the Army but this didn’t change the negative view the Army had of them). To make matters worse no one in Wind Agency knew how Kazato died, what spurn him to commit suicide (and if it was really suicide) but they knew of D Agency’s presence in Shirahata’s house when Kazato was there (Kaminaga and Hatano fought with the two Wind Agency members, Kobokata and Kurodaira, who went with Kazato at the villa) so they believed D Agency to be involved with Kazato’s death.

**10\. Jitsui, older women, Fukumoto and Kaminaga:** The whole Wind Agency episode took place in 1940, when Fukumoto was in Shangai (and, according to canon he was be still in Shangai in summer 1941 and planned to remain there for a longer time) but, differently from Amari, he managed to catch the boys vaguely talking about the whole thing so he knows it took place, even if he has no idea about the details. As for Jitsui, while he was disguising as Morishima Kunio, he got very close to Oharu, a waitress in an inn, who was clearly older than him and doted on him. Also always in the Drama CD 4 ‘Go forth! 2nd year D Class Sakuma-Sensei’ Kaminaga states that _‘Jitsui is really popular with the older ladies. They all fawn over him, saying ‘He’s really cute~!’’_ so I ended up considering Jitsui’s canon trait the fact he attract older women and that Kaminaga would tease it about it.

**11\. Kaminaga and Miyoshi/Katsuhiko’s interaction:** We don’t really see them directly interacting much through the series… they seem to take the same stance against Sakuma and Odagiri but that’s not really a proof they got along smoothly so I took inspiration from the drama CDs about the middle school AU in which they seem to be close even though they argue rather often and make fun of each other character traits. So, as soon as Kaminaga said something that Katsuhiko perceived like a complain, Katsuhiko’s instinct told him to snap back. Katsuhiko though doesn’t remember Kaminaga, so their own isn’t their usual bitching, at least from Katsuhiko’s perspective. To him Kaminaga is just a scary adult who’s trying to part him from the only one who’d been taking care of him. He’s being introduced to the D Agency boys too quickly for him to adapt so he’s just being very defensive as he sees them as a threat. The more he’ll interact with them the more he’ll learn they aren’t.

**12\. Kaminaga and eggplants:** In the Drama CD 3 ‘Go forth! 2nd year D Class Sakuma-Sensei’ (those CDs are a never ending source of inspiration!) a middle school Kaminaga shows he believes that in the Zeniarai Benten shrine there’s an eggplant that can grant any wish to which Miyoshi replies _‘Tautology. What a perfect example of a sardine’s head, or more like, eggplant’s head?’_ causing Kaminaga to complain about Miyoshi’s attitude. Now… it’s clear that in **‘Joker Game’** Kaminaga doesn’t believe in eggplants granting wishes but my headcanon is that he merely grew out of that belief as in Joker Game he’s not a middle school student any longer, not that he never possessed it in the first place.

**13\. Sakuma meeting his companions at Yasukuni Shrine:** In Ep 1 Sakuma was asked what would happen to him if he were to kill himself. In the anime he said “If I die I'll proudly meet my comrades on the other side”, Yūki counters “Ah. Then you'd die so that you could brag about it to your compatriots in the afterlife. But what if you don't see them there?” to which Sakuma heatedly replies “There's no way that would happen!”. In the novel things go slightly different as Sakuma said “If I were to die… I will hold my head high and reunite with my former comrades **at the Yasukuni Jinja** ” then the discussion continues as the anime “Ah, so you’ll die to proudly meet your comrades at the shrine? What if you don’t see them?” “There is no way that I couldn’t.” and here the novel adds a tiny bit. Yūki asks “And why is that?” to which Sakuma replies “Those who bravely sacrifice themselves for the country are commemorated at the Yasukuni Jinja.” In fact Yasukuni commemorates those who died in service of the Empire of Japan, including those who died in the wars involving Japan. This means that the shrine commemorates also War Criminals provided they died in the war, which is something that made the shrine controversial (which is probably why the anime decided to remove this part from the discussion). Enshrinement at Yasukuni signified meaning and nobility to those who died for their country. During the final days of the war, it was common for soldiers sent on kamikaze suicide missions to say that they would "meet again at Yasukuni" following their death. Anyway, long story short, for this dialogue I went with the novel version of the dialogue and not for the anime one.

**14\. Miyoshi having to completely replicate Maki Katsuhiko:** The anime never said it out loud but in the novel we learn that some of the boys’ fake identities during their missions aren’t something they made up, but real identities of people they replace. There is a real Izawa Kazuo out there and a real Shiozuka Hajime and so on (the anime also changed a lot the background of Gamō Jirō but in the novel there was a real Gamō Jirō and a D Agency spy took his identity). So, when Miyoshi was assigned the role of being Maki Katsuhiko, he likely didn’t have to invent his persona according to some details Yūki gave him, he had to replicate an existing person, who had a real affluent family and friends and studied art and lived in a certain way and so on.

**15\. The Hakusan Maru (白山丸):** It was a ship designed for the European routes of NYK Line at the time Joker Game takes place. You might remember it as it’s the ship Hatano has to take to return back to Japan.

**16\. Katsuhiko and Hiro:** The kanji that form the name _‘Katsuhiko’_ , as already said, mean _‘skilful boy’_ , which of course fits Miyoshi. Now… we know that Miyoshi isn’t actually called as such as that’s a fake surname but he probably also had a fake name and this remained unknown. However Miwa Shirō said that among the Joker Game cast there was the habit to give to the spies the name of their voice actors, and since Miyoshi’s voice actor is Shimono Hiro (下野 紘), this would make him Miyoshi Hiro (三好 紘), which is the name I went with. By the way _‘Hiro’_ , written with that Kanji, is supposed to mean _‘vast’_ , _‘grand’_ … or _‘cord for hat’_.

**17\. The destruction of the General Staff Headquarters building:** On the air raid taking place during the night of 25 May 1945, the General Staff Headquarters that were located outside the moat of the Imperial Palace was hit and took fire, the fire spreading over the moat of the Imperial Palace, destroying most of its structures. There’s to say though that Sakuma didn’t really need to go there because officially the General Staff Headquarters were moved to Ichigaya-dai (市ヶ谷台) on December 1941 along with the Ministry of War, Inspectorate General of Military Training and the Inspectorate General of Aviation. The boys were just trying to take advantage of how Sakuma didn’t seem to know about it to attempt to stop him from going to make that report.

**18\. The broadcast:** It’s the broadcast Sakuma and his men had heard in chap 1, at the beginning of this story, **The Jewel Voice Broadcast (玉音放送 Gyokuon-hōsō)** , the radio broadcast in which Japanese Emperor Hirohito read out the **Imperial Rescript on the Termination of the War (大東亜戦争終結ノ詔書 Daitōa-sensō-shūketsu-no-shōsho)** , announcing to the Japanese people that the Japanese Government had accepted the Potsdam Declaration demanding the unconditional surrender of the Japanese military at the end of World War II.

**19\. Confusion among the Army:** The boys are talking about what was called the ‘Kyūjō incident’ or ‘Imperial Palace incident’ (宮城事件 Kyūjō Jiken) an attempted military coup d'état that happened on the night of 14–15 August 1945, just before the announcement of Japan's surrender to the Allies. The chief of the coup was Major Hatanaka Kenji (age 33) who served in the Military Affairs Section of the Japanese Ministry of War (陸軍省 Rikugun-shō). Hatanaka organised a number of officers and succeeded in occupying the Imperial Palace (宮城 Kyūjō) and Imperial Household Ministry (宮内庁 Kunai-chō). Then, after a failed attempt at enlisting Lieutenant General Mori Takeshi, commander of the 1st Imperial Guard Division, Hatanaka killed him, while one of his men killed his brother-in-law, Lieutenant Colonel Shiraishi Michinori, attempted with a false set of orders to place the Emperor under house arrest and then spent several hours searching for the recording of the Emperor's speech announcing the surrender of Japan, and which was meant for public broadcast. Failing to locate it, he and his men occupied the NHK Building planning to prevent the speech from being broadcast. In the end Hatanaka, without high level support and unable to find the recordings, was forced to abandon his coup after receiving direct orders to do so from Eastern District Army Headquarters. Not much later General Tanaka Shizuichi convinced the rebellious officers to go home. Following the failure of the coup, Hatanaka travelled to the plaza fronting the Imperial Palace. Along with his fellow conspirator, Lieutenant Colonel Shiizaki Jiro, he shot himself.  
While Hatanaka’s attempt at a military coup d'état was taking place in Yokohama, another group of Hatanaka's rebels led by Captain Sasaki Takeo went to Prime Minister Suzuki's office, intent on killing him. When they found it empty, they machine-gunned the office and set the building on fire, then left for his home. Still unable to find him they set fire to his home and went to the estate of Hiranuma Kiichirō to assassinate him. Hiranuma escaped as well. Suzuki will spend the rest of August under police protection, spending each night in a different bed.  
In regard to General Anami Korechika, he was the army minister and "most powerful figure in Japan besides the Emperor himself". The man was strongly opposed to the surrender and considered supporting the coup but in the end since Emperor Hirohito directly requested an end to the war himself he decided that “As a Japanese soldier, I must obey my Emperor.” He informed the officers of the War Ministry of the decision, and that as it was an Imperial command, they must obey. His refusal to support any action against the Imperial decision was a key point in the failure of the Kyūjō incident. On 14 August 1945, Anami signed the surrender document with the rest of the cabinet, then committed suicide by seppuku early the next morning. His suicide note read: "I—with my death—humbly apologize to the Emperor for the great crime." This "cryptic" note is open to multiple interpretations.  
Things will not quiet down after this but as of now in the fic we’re merely at the 17th of August (the story started on the 15th, the boys spent the 16th travelling by train and reached Tokyo on the 17th).

**20\. Shinigami (死神):** It means “god of death”. They’re Japanese mythological gods or supernatural spirits that invite humans toward death, and can be seen to be present or interpreted to be present in certain aspects of Japanese religion and culture. Shinigami have been described as monsters and helpers, creatures of darkness, and fallen angels or death themselves.

**21\. Yomi or Yomi-no-kuni (黄泉 or 黄泉の国):** It’s the Japanese word for the land of the dead (World of Darkness). According to Shinto mythology as related in the Kojiki (the oldest extant chronicle in Japan, a collection of tales concerning the origin of the islands of Japan, and the gods), the land of Yomi is where the dead go after life. Always according to the Kojiki, the entrance to Yomi lies in Izumo province and was sealed off by Izanagi-no-Okami (a Japanese mythological god) upon his flight from Yomi, at which time he permanently blocked the entrance by placing a massive boulder at the base of the slope that leads to Yomi.

**22\. Sakuma’s description of Hiroshima’s status:** If you’re wondering why Sakuma is giving such a weird description of Hiroshima it’s because he simply can’t put in words what he had seen as so much destruction and all due to one single bomb seemed surreal to him.

**23\. The giant, shiny, purple monster-mushroom of smoke and fire:** It was mentioned in chap 3 how Katsuhiko used to describe what had happened to Hiroshima as _‘The city has been eaten up by the giant, shiny, purple monster-mushroom of smoke and fire’_ due to how the atomic mushroom looked like. Prior to seeing the city Katsuhiko didn’t believe a monster really did it, assuming it was caused just by a big explosion although in truth he had no idea how big the explosion was. The view of the damage managed to shock him as well so that the idea a monster did it, seems more believable to him than that it was the work of an explosion.

**24\. The war in China:** Although Operation Ichi-Go (19 April – 31 December 1944) had been a Japanese success in the territories seized, Japanese forces controlled only the cities, not their surrounding countryside and the increased size of the occupied territory also thinned out the Japanese lines. After Operation Ichi-Go a great majority of the Chinese forces retreated out of the area, and later come back to attack Japanese positions. As a result, the following Japanese attempts to fight into Sichuan, such as in the Battle of West Hunan, ended in failure. The Japanese had suffered 11,742 KIAs by mid-November, and the number of soldiers that died of illness was more than twice this. The Japanese forces lacked food, medicines, fuel and weapons while China, in addition to its natural resources, was also supplied by the Allies powers. To make matter worse the constant defeats the Japanese suffered in the Pacific prior to the surrender had meant that Japan never got the resources needed to achieve final victory over China. In short, even if Japan was still holding Chinese territories by the time the imperial broadcast was made, their situation in China definitely wasn’t good, to put it mildly.

**25\. Tautology and sardines’ heads:** A famous Miyoshi’s quote in the sub version is translated as _‘Tautology. “With enough faith you can worship a sardine’s head.”’_ A more literal translation would have been _‘Tautology. It is a superb sardine’s head’_ but anyway you easily get that Katsuhiko had again subconsciously said what Miyoshi would have said… which was something a child would have unlikely said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many, many apologies for my lateness in finishing this but, as I started it while I was on holidays and therefore when I didn’t have internet access I had to rely only on my memory and on my speculation for many parts as I wasn’t able to fact check things.
> 
> Checking things and sadly correcting my mistakes in a way that wouldn’t be detrimental to the plot when I came back took me much more time than planned. Hopefully there’s still people interested in reading this despite how much time had gone by… ^_^;
> 
> I truly hope I managed to fix everything… but if I didn’t I apologize.
> 
> Anyway we finally had some interaction between the boys at D Agency and the Sakuma squad… and yes, Katsuhiko isn’t ready yet to interact with so many people, so he’s not feeling exactly friendly toward them. Really, Sakuma should have waited before bringing him there or introduced him to D Agency in a more gradual manner but well, he didn’t exactly have many choices.
> 
> To be honest there were many, many things I wanted to write about their reunion but I had to cut here and there otherwise this chapter would have been way too long.
> 
> I really hope I’ll manage to release the next chapter sooner and I still apologize for the long delay.


	6. Chapter 6

_‘Sakuma-san. Are you sure you don’t want me to accompany you? Tokyo… isn’t the one you knew anymore…’_

_‘Kaminaga-san is right, Sakuma-san, and it’ll be no problem for either of us to accompany you. I can even wait for you to be back if you want to.’_

_‘I know the way to Ichigaya. I would find it even if I were to go blind. I spent too much time there. So, thank you but I don’t need help, Kaminaga, Jitsui.’_

_‘Well… We know you used to know the way but… things had changed a little from the last time you’ve been there. Actually everything had changed… and Japan is going to change even more from now on.’_

_‘Changed? You’re wrong, Kaminaga, it hasn’t changed. It died. Japan died and that’s all there’s to it. It’s no more. Don’t worry, I’ll find my way to Ichigaya-Dai. If there’s someone between the three of us who’s accustomed to handling the sight of corpses on his way that’s me.’_

* * *

And so he had declined the company and had started walking toward his destination on his own, even if he hadn’t missed that Kaminaga, despite his confident attitude, had volunteered merely because he was worried for him… and the same applied to Jitsui. He knew he should appreciate the worry… but he actually felt he was tired to have to worry about such things… or for handling company, really.

For once… he didn’t want to care about others, he didn’t want to think at how people worried for him, nor did he want to socialize. He was… worn out, empty and ruined like Tokyo was. He just wanted some time on his own to lick his own wounds before accomplishing a mission he very well known to be pointless.

Still… it felt weird to walk on his own through the streets of a devastated Tokyo, surreal watching the destruction and the people moving through it as if nothing was wrong, as the ruined buildings were an architectural choice and not the result of the many bombing the city underwent.

Or maybe it was just that, for once, he wasn’t busy leading people, pushing them toward a battle from which they might not return. He wasn’t used anymore to this, he wasn’t used at not being under death threat, at being, for once, responsible for nothing else but his own life… and, if he were to be honest, his own life too was a burden he wouldn’t mind to leave behind. Really, what was he doing, why was he still playing his part when nothing would change, when the truth of it was that they had…

_‘For example, if Japan lost the war, the people would promptly learn to take all their faith and put it in the antithesis of their original beliefs.’_

He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to see that. He…

What had he fought for if that was all that remained? All they got? If all his efforts, their efforts, had ended up into… this?

He paused in his track, lowered his head, and closed his eyes. This time… this time it had been Japan who had picked up the joker. This time… there had been no bright intuition or piece of reasoning that had managed to save it. Japan died, committed Hara-kiri, its blood spilling all around them, soaking their motherland, the sea and the territories around it. This time…

_‘What are you going to do from now on?’_ the Lieutenant Colonel had asked him not so much ago as if the answer hadn’t been obvious.

* * *

The Lieutenant Colonel was seated at his desk, elbows resting on it and kin resting on his interlaced hands as he studied Sakuma with a grave expression. It reminded Sakuma of the time in which he first saw the man seated on that chair.

_‘So? You’re the spy the General Staff Headquarters sent?’_

_‘No, sir. I don’t engage in cowardly behaviour like spying.’_

He turned his gaze away, glad for once his rank now allowed him to do so, moving it around the man’s office. The room hadn’t really changed from the last time he had seen it, as if it had been just yesterday. It wasn’t though.

“What are you going to do from now on? Many soldiers, if not all of them, will be released from their duty from now on. Actually I doubt the Allies will let us keep an Army,” the man asked him.

“I’ll do my duty till the end. My beliefs won’t change just because… the situation had,” he stated calmly. He didn’t have any more the duty to stand in front of this man, he reminded himself, to act as if he had to report to him and end up being unwillingly involved in Colonel Mutō’s plans to end D Agency and…

_‘Vey well, Sakuma-san, can I ask you to play the role of the Military Police Captain?’_

…and he frowned to chase such memory away before he slowly walked till the window and looked outside. The view wasn’t inspiring but it was better than staring at that office and remembering…

He swallowed and closed his eyes.

“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised… Lieutenant Colonel Sakuma,” the Lieutenant Colonel pointed out, voicing his rank again. “You were sent on the frontlines to die as a First Lieutenant and yet you came back alive and as a Lieutenant Colonel. Quite an outstanding career you managed to make. There’s enough to be proud of it.”

“Outstanding career? I’m just a Lieutenant Colonel. What’s to be proud of? This… wasn’t what I was supposed to reach, this is nowhere near enough... In the end… in the end I didn’t manage to accomplish anything. In the end…” His fists clenched. “In the end all I did was nowhere near enough… and anyway… it won’t be of use at all.”

“At your age and in such situation, this is an enviable accomplishment. What were you aiming to become then? Surpassing me and becoming a Colonel like that jackass Mutō maybe?” the man asked him. Sakuma wasn’t sure how to interpret his tone. Mocking him for his failure? Scolding him for harbouring such high ambitions? Yet it sounded grave somehow… and sort of sad… as if the man could know why Sakuma…

“It wasn’t about you. Or about the Colonel. It was…” he trailed off as a promise he made so long ago came back to his mind. Yes, it hadn’t been due to the wish to surpass this man, nor the man who stuck him in that hell called war. It hadn’t even been for his personal ambition. It had been just…

“It was all about Miyoshi, wasn’t it?” the Lieutenant Colonel finished for him and Sakuma had to clench his teeth at the pain hearing that name mentioned so casually caused. “In the end, with you, it was always all about him.”

Sakuma didn’t deny it. He didn’t deny how that terrible person that Miyoshi had been, had also always and unfailingly managed to turn his world upside down like a crashing Tsunami. He didn’t deny it nor did he try to explain what the other did this time to cause Sakuma to try so hard to rise in ranking. After all, what Miyoshi did, hadn’t been that much. It had merely been the only thing that had lead Sakuma forward through those long years spent on the frontlines when he was expected to die an useless death short after he got there and instead had managed to live each day and being useful enough to his country he had even risen in ranks more than it should have been expected of him, a person who never had the chance to attend to the Army War College.

_‘So promise me, Sakuma-san. Promise me you’ll become a Colonel…’_

He couldn’t keep that promise in the same way as he couldn’t save all his men nor could he lead them to victory. In the end… he failed. He failed everyone. It would have been much better if he had just died like Colonel Mutō had wanted. To try as hard as he could… to keep on trying while at the same time remaining true to himself, aware of the many higher up around him who were longing for his demise, maybe even planning it… to insist on trying even when all around him was crumbling down… it had been hell. It would have been simpler to just give up and accept the fate the others wanted to push on him.

Dying for Japan… it wouldn’t have been bad after all. It would have been the ultimate apology and would have let him free to rest with his conscience at ease. So why hadn’t allowed for it to happen?

_‘So promise me, Sakuma-san. Promise me you’ll become a Colonel…’_

That promise had been absurd in the first place. Sakuma had known there was no way for him to live long enough to rise so high, that it was absurd even hope in such thing and yet…

_‘Let’s say I’ve utmost faith in Sakuma-san’s ability.’_

Ability? Which ability had ever seen in him Miyoshi? It had been hard enough to stay alive. How he had managed to climb ranks… he had no idea. He was… always, always doing all he could, never resting, never pausing, never giving up, never pulling back. He was…

Still, it hadn’t been enough. Miyoshi’s faith… had been misplaced. He couldn’t make it. He couldn’t become Colonel no more than he could lead Japan to victory. He had failed. He didn’t become someone who could help Miyoshi, who could be of some use to him once he’ll come back to Japan, who could cover his back from whose sharks in the army who couldn’t stand spies. And now… he wouldn’t even been given the chance to apologize to Miyoshi for his failure.

“Why? Why did you tell me? Why did you come and tell me that he…?” he trailed off, swallowed.

“You were pushing yourself too hard and all for a man who wouldn’t have been there to see you keeping your part of the bargain. I think Miyoshi too would have wanted you to know you were free from that promise.”

Free from that promise. It hadn’t mattered to him that Miyoshi had been alive or dead. He had promised him. He had promised **__him__**. Miyoshi being alive or death didn’t change the fact **__he__** had promised **__him__**.

_‘I promise I’ll do all I can, to do what you asked of me. I can’t promise I’ll accomplish it… I’ll just try as hard as it’ll be possible.’_

Even if Miyoshi wouldn’t be there to see if he succeeded or failed… he would keep his word. He would keep on trying as hard as he could as long as he could. Because this… it was all he could do for him. It was merely foolish to think Sakuma would do something else, that he would consider himself free from such promise.

“It was… considerate of you,” he said anyway, believing that the man, that man who was so clever, could hardly understand such feelings.

“Believe it or not, Miyoshi’s death was a loss for everyone,” the other stated and he sounded… tired, pained… honest. Sakuma eyed him with the corner of his eye and told himself that was the mere mourning of a mentor and not the one of a…

_‘It’s just sex, Sakuma-san. Nothing more from both sides. He’s good in bed and he’s not asking for anything else. And, trust me, he’s very, very capable to keep this and work separated so it’s not like I’m getting something else out of it, if that’s what you’re worried about. Though I won’t complain if you were to volunteer to take his place…’_

Sakuma hadn’t. He had told Miyoshi to quit joking and had told himself it was none of his business what Miyoshi did and that anyway he couldn’t really compare with the Lieutenant Colonel. The man could easily be Miyoshi’s intellectual partner and could share with him all his experience and knowledge. Sakuma had nothing of the sort to give him… and wasn’t even allowed to indulge in thoughts of such a relation.

His father had already arranged a fiancé for him, after all and he… he wanted to be good for her… even if he didn’t even know her. Also he was a soldier and the official stance of the army was that such things among soldiers weren’t allowed anymore. Sure, the unofficial stance of the Army was quite different but…

Besides… truth was he hadn’t wanted a relationship merely based on _‘just sex’_. _‘Just sex’_ for him would have been nowhere near enough. What he had wanted back then, what he still wanted was…

“I know. I never thought otherwise,” he said cutting that line of thoughts. It didn’t really matter what he had wanted back then. It didn’t really matter what he wanted right now. It wouldn’t happen and it was anyway no good excuse to undervalue the pain that loss should have caused in the others, the others that had known that person better, that had spent with him more time than he ever had, that were closer to him in regard to ability and line of thoughts…

He swallowed. He was losing time and that wasn’t like him.

“Still this can’t be what you wanted to talk about, Lieutenant Colonel… and you know I wouldn’t give you confidential info no matter what. So I’m at loss. What is the thing you want to discuss with me?” he asked in his usual straightforward manner. “You know differently from your students I’m not good at guessing games…”

* * *

_‘You know differently from your students I’m not good at guessing games…’_

Sakuma had said that not much time ago, staring from the window at the same view Yūki was watching now, a devastated Tokyo that resembled nothing of the one Sakuma had left. For a moment Yūki wondered what was worse, being like him who had gotten used to such view and now could stare at it numbly or being like Sakuma, who wasn’t yet and felt all the raw pain such sight caused.

Japan had tossed itself in a war that couldn’t win and had, predictably, lost. Yūki had known it was a lost cause right from the beginning, but he had also known there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening.

When the ABCD encirclement had begun, when the western powers had stopped selling iron, steel and oil to Japan, effectively denying Japan the raw materials it needed to continue wage war in China, Yūki had no secret piece of intelligence he could use or find to solve the situation.

Without imported oil Japan’s economy would collapse, effectively forcing it to back out from the war. For the western countries it was the easiest way to stop Japan’s expansion. It didn’t require a single bullet to be fired, it was just a veiled blackmail.

“Completely bow to our wishes or collapse and lose miserably.”

Japan wouldn’t bow, it couldn’t.

Japan simply couldn’t withdraw from its recent conquests. It wouldn’t be able to explain the loss of so many people if it were to pull back like that, nor the loss of face if it were to bow to the western powers’ wishes.

No one in the higher sphere would accept to lose face like this. They would all prefer die fighting… or, even better, cause the whole population of Japan to die fighting than… back out from a battle they couldn’t win.

No, to them it didn’t matter that victory was impossible, that the best they could get would be a tie based on the hope that the western powers wouldn’t be really interested in wage war against Japan, not with all that was going on in Europe and Africa. Those men… they would never accept the western demands.

Still, Yūki would have preferred they had abstained from waging war against America. After all, things had been bad enough already, they didn’t need to make them worse. Instead, as Admiral Yamamoto said, _‘they had awaken the great, sleeping giant and filled him with a terrible resolve’_.

That war… Yūki would have liked to call it the result of those foolish Army warmongers higher up… but he couldn’t deny he too was to blame for his failure in handling things on that side.

He had noticed things weren’t developing as he expected in America.

Americans had no interest in making war to Japan, as focused as they were with what was happening in Europe yet… they abruptly strengthened the embargo against Japan, which previously had been pretty lax, completely cutting the sale of oil to Japan and even ordering the seizure of all Japanese assets in the United States.

Sure, it had been done in response to Japan’s invasion of French Indochina… but Japan had the Vichy government sign the Protocol Concerning Joint Defence and Joint Military Cooperation few days after, an agreement that defined the Franco-Japanese relationship for Indochina, and gave Japan a total of eight airfields, allowed them to have more troops present, and to use the Indochinese financial system, in return for a fragile French autonomy, so they technically had been _‘allowed’_ to be there and therefore it wasn’t technically an invasion anymore.

Yūki smiled bitterly at the thought.

Well, it was also true that said allowance had been extorted.

Japan had signed the tripartite pact with Germany and Germany could extend its pressure on Vichy, forcing it to cooperate. That was the sad state of France, a country that was little more than a puppet in Germany’s hands than its own state. He tried not to shudder as he thought Japan could end up in a similar if not much worse situation at the Americans’ hands.

He shook his head. No point in thinking at that now.

America’s reaction to Japan’s occupation had been… worse than expected, bad enough that Yūki had started to believe someone else was involved and was pulling strings against Japan… and he could think only to a country which had interest in doing so, Russia.

Russia, at the time, was currently busy in a war with Germany. Japan however wasn’t supporting Germany in such war, as it had signed a Soviet–Japanese Neutrality Pact two months before Germany attacked Russia.

The pact… it had been a mistake.

The higher up claimed the signing of the pact was due to how _‘their precious and honourable ally’_ , Germany, hadn’t bothered to inform them they planned to break the Neutrality Pact they had with Russia and invade it… but Yūki could understand the secrecy surrounding the operation. He didn’t expect Germany to tattle out its plans to Japan, not even if Japan was nominally _‘an ally’_.

What really made him furious each time he thought at it, was how that moron that Mutō was and his associated had deliberately decided to ignore Miyoshi’s warning about _‘Operation Otto’_ , the operation that would later take the name of _‘Operation Barbarossa’_ , being about to be approved. It had been the last, precious info Miyoshi had managed to collect. It was a fundamental piece of info and one Yūki had wanted desperately to be considered when deciding Japan’s next move. Yet such a precious info was completely ignored, overlooked, as if it were a mere fantasy unworthy their attention.

It didn’t end here.

Once the war between Germany and Russia started… Japan considered denouncing the neutrality pact with Russia but didn’t, even though Yūki knew some morons had voiced some extremely stupid threats about how Japan could do just so. Those dumb threats didn’t help Japan’s position any, as they only gained to alarm Russia.

In fact, if Japan were to denounce the neutrality pact and attack Russia as well… Russia would have ended up being busy on two fronts, which were at the opposite extremes of such a large country. This wouldn’t have worked well for Russia, but could have made easier for both Germany and Japan to seize victory against it.

However if Japan were to be busy in a war against America, Russia could focus all its efforts on Germany sure Japan wouldn’t try to fight against Russia as well. Actually this could be even more profitable for Russia as this could cause it to receive an even a stronger help against Germany from America which, so far, had been only willing to loan Russia (and, sadly, to China as well) some money.

But how could the Russians influence the Americans?

Even though Roosevelt was a supporter of the strategy “Germany First”, he wasn’t so fond of Russia (but who was, really?) and probably wouldn’t have truly minded if Russia and Germany had destroyed each other.

Yet, SMERSH should have managed to find someone among the Americans who would do their bidding, someone high enough he could influence America’s actions, that could persuade Roosevelt to refuse meeting prince Konoe Fumimaru-sama.

The Second secretary of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, Hasumi Kōichi-san, a man bright enough Yūki wouldn’t have minded having him between his spies, noticed something was up, and requested for D Agency’s intervention, but only one of Yūki’s spies fit with the requisites Hasumi-san requested.

Yūki closed his eyes as he remembered the spy called _‘Nakane Shingo’_.

It wasn’t his name, of course, just the fake identity he took for that mission. When Hasumi-san made his request Nakane was already living in Los Angeles, working as a the personal secretary of the owner of a large-scale petroleum plant construction, Michael Cooper, and also had conveniently married the man’s daughter and had produced with her an offspring.

It was a perfect cover.

Nakane’s role in America was to expand the network of Japanese collaborators among whose of Japanese ancestry living in America but he could do well also the job Hasumi-san asked him to do. Nakane was perfect for it. Perfect if not for a little detail.

He was Hasumi-san’s younger stepbrother.

A spy should be unencumbered. Ties would only cause problems.

Nakane’s marriage was merely a façade to make him look less suspicious… it didn’t really bind him, but his bond with his stepbrother was another matter. That bond was genuine as Nakane trusted him and craved his approbation.

Yūki’s hand had been forced to chose him but he still wondered if things would have been different if he had assigned to that task a different spy, a spy who wouldn’t have dared to get careless when Hasumi-san hadn’t contacted him at the expected time. That carelessness had caused Nakane to end up being arrested… and die not much later in an American prison.

But everything had plotted against Yūki as Hasumi-san died unexpectedly at work due to haematemesis… and so he hadn’t been able to warn his stepbrother of Pearl Harbor attack…

The Pearl Harbor attack… even the date chosen for it had been a hindrance factor.

Did they really have to declare war on Sunday so no one in the Japanese embassy in America would be there to translate the war declaration which was, by the way, written in such an abstruse way it didn’t formally sound like a war declaration, so that the cursed message would be delivered to the Americans more than an hour after the attack began instead than 30 minutes before it, as Admiral Yamamoto wanted?

But, of course, expecting intelligent decisions from those morons in the high command was stupid in itself.

However, if Yūki had, at least, been able to track that SMERSH spy manipulating the Americans and deal with it before things got to this point… would they have been able to avoid the war? To find an agreement?

Yūki had no idea and it was too late to worry about it. They couldn’t change the past, they could only deal with it by preparing for what it would cause in the future and, Yūki knew, this past would cause them nothing good.

Whatever message Sakuma were to report, it wouldn’t change anything, it could only end up pushing him in troubles if he wasn’t careful. Sakuma though… needed to do something, needed to have the impression he was doing something for his country until the truth there was nothing else he could do for Japan _‘as a Japanese soldier’_ would come crashing down on him.

Then… Yūki had no idea what would be of Sakuma.

Yūki hadn’t been there when the man had sat down ready to commit Hara-kiri in Gordon’s garden for failing to find proof he was a spy, but his students had taken care to paint a vivid scene in Yūki’s mind about how things went.

Back then… none of them had expected Sakuma to go this far, no, not even him. Now however… now Yūki could easily see that death was one of the many options Sakuma was considering.

Yūki didn’t want Sakuma to die.

Despite everything he liked the man, the war had killed enough already and… and keeping Sakuma alive was the last favour he could do to Miyoshi, since he didn’t manage to put to use the info the other had handed him.

A last tribute to one of his most promising students, one that could have come to replace him. Saving Sakuma though, might very well be beyond his abilities and his resources, which were taxed already.

He sighed. They really were about to face terrible times and again he felt abruptly too old for all this. He felt as if he had aged too fast and this worried him. Did he still have the energy to handle all this?

Then, as he thought so, the gaze of the small child Sakuma had brought with himself came to his mind, a gaze that strongly reminded him of… someone else.

He… he realized he’d like for that child too to have a future. The future that person couldn’t have. He smiled softly and thought that yes, he could still handle things for a little longer.

* * *

Katsuhiko-kun hadn’t accepted any kind of food after Sakuma-san had left. It didn’t matter with what western delicacy Fukumoto attempted to entice him, the child would merely turn his gaze away sullenly, his feet dangling slightly from the too high chair, his chin resting on the top of his crossed arms.

Amari had tried to encourage Emma-chan to make friends with no results as well. Not even the prospect to see Emma’s dog, Frate, which was kept confined on the upper floor, had looked appealing to him… and even Tazaki’s magic tricks had gotten little to no interest.

Jitsui’s attempt to intrigue him with books had also been for nought.

In a way Fukumoto couldn’t blame the child for being suspicious of their actions as almost none of them was likely moved by mere kindness, not for him and not even for Sakuma-san. The more they observed him… the more the resemblance with Miyoshi grew marked. It pushed all of them to do something, anything, to check the true nature of that oddly sharp child, who couldn’t possibly be Sakuma-san’s brother.

As it wasn’t possible to coax Katsuhiko-kun to react to them, the general attention had moved on Odagiri and his companion. Fukumoto hadn’t really appreciated that, giving Kaminaga a meaningful look when the man had sat next to those three, as Odagiri, who had never been much of a talker, was bad at relaxing around others and tended to think everyone was criticizing him for the slightest mistake, looked like he needed quiet and rest way more than he had ever seen him needing them.

Fukumoto knew though that some things couldn’t be helped and so, as long as they didn’t overstress him, he was willing to give them some space, even though he felt a pang of guilt as he noticed Odagiri tensing up. That Gamō guy though, merely looked at Kaminaga with mild interest.

“So, from what I got, you saw Hiroshima,” Kaminaga began in an uncharacteristically straightforward manner. “Mind if I ask you how it was?”

A test, Fukumoto guessed. To taste waters. Hiroshima’s status wasn’t, after all, that important. They could get the truth later on from Sakuma-san, as the man wasn’t prone to lie. Of course, assuming they would manage to stall him there long enough. Oh well, even though the matter had never been discussed among them, Fukumoto was sure none of them was planning to let Sakuma-san and Odagiri leave for unforeseen destination anytime soon if they could avoid it. It was comforting in a way, so Fukumoto was willing to wait and see what Kaminaga could get from that exchange.

However, after Kaminaga’s question, Odagiri turned his gaze away, looking pained, Katsuhiko-kun frowned and that Gamō guy merely shrugged before replying to Kaminaga’s words.

“The Lieutenant Colonel told you, didn’t he? There’s no Hiroshima any longer. That’s the land of Yomi.” He smiled as he spoke but his smile lacked genuine warm and he seemed to find hard to keep that calm and careless façade. From behind Kaminaga Jitsui, who had seen how good Gamō was at acting friendly, figured that either the man had seriously lost his touch or things were so bad they surpassed their own imagination. He didn’t comment though. That was Kaminaga’s game, after all.

“Well, it feels a little weird to hear three seasoned soldiers call a destroyed city as such. It’s picturesque, of course, but I’m sure you’ve seen worse. Japan should have done its share of damage in China as well, didn’t it?” Kaminaga pushed.

Jitsui noticed Gamō tensing slightly, his eyes darkening. Kaminaga had struck a nerve but, Jitsui realized, this time Gamō wasn’t showing it because he had gotten worse at hiding his feelings or because things were too bad for them to picture. No, the man was simply as worn out as Odagiri and Sakuma-san… only this was bad because that guy had also been trained to be a killer and while Jitsui was sure they could easily overpower him should he attack them… this would definitely not make Sakuma-san pleased. No, they must not end up in a fight with the man, this has to be avoided at any cost. He didn’t manage to act on that thought, though.

“Kaminaga. If the Lieutenant Colonel said so, than it’s because that’s how it is. You know he’s not one to lie, don’t you?” As Tobisaki spoke he hadn’t looked at any of them, his eyes fixed on a point on the wall or at something only he could see. Truth to be told, Tobisaki didn’t want to discuss this, he really didn’t. He didn’t even want to be there. Everyone in that place… was trained to search for info. However neither of them was up for an interrogatory, not even Gamō who however would, as usual, rise to the challenge, if only to spare Tobisaki the trouble.

When they were together… it was always Gamō who spoke, so that Tobisaki wouldn’t have to do it. Gamō would do it even here, in a place that, for him, seemed to be the equivalent of enemy ground. For once, Tobisaki thought, he wanted to be the one who would cover up for him.

Kaminaga got the warning. His words had sounded as if he was discussing Sakuma-san’s words and this wouldn’t be appreciated. It was in itself a useful info as it implied this guy, who in the past had worked for Wind Agency, was now loyal enough to Sakuma-san who would stay put while among them if the man were to ask him so, but would bristle up if they were to sound disrespectful to the man. So he raised his hands in a placating gesture.

“Sorry, sorry. I praised it poorly, my fault. I don’t doubt Sakuma-san’s words… I’m just having troubles picturing something Sakuma-san would call the land of Yomi on earth, I guess. What could it have that would make it so different from an ordinary destroyed city?”

He saw Gamō and Odagiri exchange a glance.

“I don’t think the Lieutenant Colonel would want you to picture it in your mind,” Gamō said in the end. “I don’t think he would want anyone to picture it. It was the land of the dead. It even smelled like it. That horrid, sickeningly sweet, acrid smell of human meat being burned. It fills your nose, it doesn’t let you breathe, it turns your stomach, it follows you everywhere you go and remembers you there are things you can’t escape from, not even if you go in a city that’s 800 kilometres away. It’ll be with you forever, curled in a corner of your mind, cursing you in silence, always reminding you of what had happened, of what you saw, of what you caused, of what you couldn’t stop. Humans, really, are cursed creatures.”

He didn’t mean to say all that, in truth. It slipped, it slipped out with the horror he still felt for what he had witnessed. Gamō had seen his share of charred places. He saw nothing like Hiroshima and didn’t think he’ll ever manage to forget it.

“There was a shadow on a wall.” Odagiri’s voice was toneless as he said so. “Nothing was causing it at a first glance. That shadow… they told me… a human had caused it. He was standing there, projecting that shadow, when the blast hit. That person… he… disintegrated. Vaporized. All that remained of him was that shadow. There are others, in Hiroshima. Shadows. Of people, of things that are no more. Silent ghosts to remind us once there was life there… and now there’s only death. That’s the land of Yomi, Kaminaga. There’s no other name for it.”

“The giant, shiny, purple monster-mushroom of smoke and fire really ate the city up,” Katsuhiko’s voice was unnaturally calm and… empty somehow, and it was disconcerting to hear such a young child to use a similar tone. “I saw it, when it happened. There was a flash and then the earth trembled and then… that giant, shiny, purple monster-mushroom of smoke and fire rose up toward the sky. People at first wanted to believe it was a cloud… but no cloud ever looked like that. That was the monster that swallowed up Hiroshima in one single gulp leaving nothing behind. A man-made monster to kill us all.”

Katsuhiko-kun didn’t add anything else to the tale but, for a moment, his eyes seemed dull and unfocused, lost far away. How much such a young child had understood of all that destruction? It was hard to tell but it seemed too much already. Would he manage to forget? Or would it haunt the rest of his life? This too was a question that couldn’t be answered at the moment.

Fukumoto rested two glasses filled with whiskey. He knew Odagiri didn’t handle alcoholics well… but it looked like he and the other might need it. The two of them looked at the glasses and, for a moment, it looked like they would have accepted them then they both turned their gazes away.

“The Lieutenant Colonel doesn’t want his men to drink alcohol,” Odagiri explained.

“It dulls your senses and makes you an easier target,” Gamō added. “The Lieutenant Colonel always says we’ll have more chances to survive and be useful to Japan, the more aware we are of our surroundings.”

Odagiri nodded.

“Otherwise we’ll only become cannon fodder for the next assault and throw our lives away for no good reason,” he added bitterly. “As Japan’s soldiers we aren’t allowed to waste our lives uselessly.”

“There’s not going to be a next assault,” Fukumoto pointed out, pressing the drink in his hand. Odagiri looked at him as if he’d said something absurd, as if there was always a next assault, there was always a next assault, unless you were dead, that was, then shook his head. “Thank you but… I’ll pass.”

Fukumoto felt lost. There was something… broken in Odagiri, something Fukumoto couldn’t quite place and had no idea how to fix. Something that scared him and made him think Odagiri too was some sort of ghost. A living ghost but a ghost anyway.

“Hey. It’s been long enough. Nī-chan have been back already,” Katsuhiko-kun stated, interrupting everyone’s trail of thoughts and it was true, Sakuma-san should have been back already… but well, those were troublesome times, so they couldn’t hope things would go that smoothly.

* * *

Truth to be told things had gone much smoother than Sakuma had hoped. It was as if someone had paved him the way… and Sakuma was ready to bet he knew who could have been that person. A part of him was grateful another… not so much.

Now that he was done… he had no idea what to do next and he hadn’t been given instructions beyond to remain in standby.

On his way out… Sakuma had crossed path with Colonel Mutō.

The man had grown much thinner and older than Sakuma remembered. He hadn’t recognized Sakuma at first. Sakuma wondered if it had been because he too had changed or because the other had been allowed the luxury of forgetting about him. For the Colonel it had been an unpleasant surprise to discover that Sakuma had survived and even worse to see he’d also been promoted. What scared Sakuma though had been he couldn’t bring himself to care about the Colonel’s reaction.

There had been a time he would have felt satisfaction at slamming on the man’s face the fact not only he had survived, but he had also risen in rank, as if the man had done him a favour transferring him on a battleground. Now… it simply didn’t seem worth the effort.

He had other things to worry about that were much more important than the petty, little man that was the Colonel. His men still stuck in China. Tobisaki and Gamō who had followed him in Japan. Katsu-chan.

Katsu-chan.

Katsu-chan hadn’t liked him leaving, he was probably worrying, thinking Sakuma was secretly plotting to abandon him or something. Abandon him, leave him behind and never see him again, never see him again like he’d been forced to do with…

_‘I cannot believe that you / Are far away / For I can / Never forget you / And thus your face / Is always before me.’_

Miyoshi’s mocking tone as he recited the poem deliberately putting too much emphasis in it, came back to his mind.

_‘It’s just pretty words, it’s not like people can really feel like that, Sakuma-san, there’s no one who’s unforgettable, people just move on…’_ …but Sakuma wasn’t, he couldn’t, he couldn’t forget, he could just put the memory and the pain aside, pretend to ignore them because he had more pressing matters and…

…and yet they were always there, with him and it was so ironic it was so hard to forget the one who insisted no one was unforgettable… and maybe Miyoshi had been right and Sakuma should have moved on and yet… he couldn’t. If he were to let go of that memory… then that person would really disappear, forgotten by everyone, slip alone in a darkness that was way worse than the one the Lieutenant Colonel had talked about. The idea… scared Sakuma. But well… he wasn’t meant to be like the Lieutenant Colonel’s students. He couldn’t put up with that prospect. He simply… couldn’t.

What a pathetic man he was. If he were there Miyoshi would make fun of him as usual. If he were there… Sakuma wouldn’t have minded being made fun of. If Miyoshi were to be there…

… but he wouldn’t be. He couldn’t. And Sakuma had no time to dwell in such thoughts, he reminded himself as he started to walk faster. He still had things to do, responsibilities he had to face, people he had to care about. As long as he had… he had to keep busy, to keep moving. He couldn’t let his personal grief swallow him, not yet. He had to hold on. He had to fulfil his duty to his country and to his people till the end.

* * *

Sakuma wasn’t exactly pleased when, as soon as he was back to the _‘Greater East Asia Cultural Society’_ he met the Lieutenant Colonel _‘casually’_ walking through the corridor. He knew better than to hope it had been a coincidence, but he also didn’t feel like facing the man.

Now that he had done his report and was start to run short of duties he had to fulfil, he felt as if his energies were running low as well. He should just retrieve Katsu-chan, Gamō and… well, Tobisaki if he wanted to come, and find a place where they could spend the night and… wait.

Wait for…

He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what they should wait for… but, from what he’d been told, there wasn’t much else to do until…

He exhaled slowly and tried not to think at what was about to happen. He wasn’t sure he would manage to bear such thoughts. He was afraid that, if he were to stop and truly think at what was to come he… he…

“You didn’t get the answers you were hoping for, did you?” the man asked him but, for once, he wasn’t right.

“I wasn’t really hoping in answers.” He wasn’t hoping in answers or… anything really. That was maybe the true problem. He wasn’t hoping anymore. He still had duties and obligations though. He would see to them. And once he was done… once he was done…

A loud crash interrupted his dark thoughts. Both he and the Lieutenant Colonel turned toward the direction from which it came. More crash followed, prompting them to hurry toward the kitchen.

* * *

“ **WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!** ” Sakuma yelled a second after slamming open the door, seeing his men fighting with some of the D Agency members. His loud tone was enough to cause everyone to stop and look in his direction.

“I’d like to know about it as well,” the Lieutenant Colonel, now standing next to him, asked to his own men, in a tone much quieter but equally meaningful. Behind them Amari and Tazaki peeked at the scene curiously.

In the kitchen mouths opened and closed but no one seemed capable to offer an explanation as the men in the room exchanged glances, fully knowing that, no matter what they were to say, they’ll all be held at fault. Any of them should have known better than to let himself be involved in a fight, but what made matters worse was they weren’t quite sure how this situation started in the first place.

For a moment Sakuma felt like yelling at them both as he usually did with his men when they were to do something stupid and as he used to do with the D Agency boys when he still lived there when realized something, or better someone was missing.

“Hey. Where’s Katsu-chan?” he asked, frowning as he looked around. For a moment everyone else followed his lead then the child was spotted curled up under a table. Sakuma sighed, then walked to him, crouched down and stretched his hand toward him. “Here, Katsu-chan, come out. I’m sorry, they all were supposed to behave and not to scare you…”

“Actually it’s not really our fault,” Kaminaga and Gamō grumbled at the same time looking at each other meaningfully, clearly blaming each other.

Sakuma gave them a look that seemed to say _‘are you two preschoolers?’_ which pushed Gamō to speak up. He hated the idea the Lieutenant Colonel might be disappointed in him.

“He attacked the kid!” he pointed out, finding this justification enough for him to attack the other. The kid was… part of their group somehow and the Lieutenant Colonel would have wanted them to protect him so… really, he didn’t think he should be blamed.

“I what? He bit me for no reason at all and didn’t let go,” Kaminaga countered raising his still bleeding hand. “And then you also jumped on me!”

“That kid hates my guts and never bites me! You did something to him!”

“I did not! I was trying to be nice to him!”

“That’s enough,” the Lieutenant Colonel Yūki stated, hitting the floor with his cane and commanding silence. Sakuma, in an attempt to sort things out, turned to Katsu-chan who was still curled under the table.

“Katsu-chan? What happened? Did Kaminaga scare you maybe?” he offered. Katsuhiko peeked up at him warily, before turning his gaze away from Sakuma.

“He messed up my hair,” the child admitted in a small voice.

Sakuma blinked before echoing Katsu-chan’s words in confusion. He wasn’t the only one who did so, though the others started exchanging meaningful glances as such words awoke memories of a person now long gone.

“He messed up my hair,” Katsuhiko repeated, trying to convey better the gravity of the act. “He made it dirty and ruffled, so that everyone would be mean with me again. It’s no more soft and fluffy so… so… no one now will want to keep me and… and…”

Katsuhiko wasn’t sure what he expected the other to do after his confession. Maybe he wouldn’t care. Maybe he would grow angry because for him the fact that they just ruined his chances of being treated like a person wasn’t a reason good enough to bit one of the people he seemed to consider as _‘friends’_. Or maybe, now that Katsuhiko’s hair was a mess, he too wouldn’t care about him anymore. With his hair in that state… he wasn’t anymore a _‘bocchan’_ so maybe that person wouldn’t want to associate with him anymore and… and the other merely smiled gently and moved his hand closer to Katsuhiko so that the child could grasp it more easily.

“Come, Katsu-chan. If Kaminaga messed your hair up we need to fix it, don’t we?”

Katsuhiko’s eyes widened in surprise as he stared at the man who was still smiling down at him, though, if Katsuhiko had to be honest, his smile seemed rather sad.

“You… will fix it up?” he asked, slowly moving slightly toward the man.

Sakuma nodded.

“Sure. Didn’t I do it the first time as well?” he reminded him. Katsu-chan hesitated only a second longer before taking his hand and then using it to pull himself up and then into Sakuma’s arms, clinging to his neck tightly. Sakuma didn’t quite expect the hug and figured that, if Katsu-chan was giving him one, the whole thing should have shaken him up badly. So, as he straightened up, he kept on holding the child, stroking the hair Kaminaga supposedly messed up soothingly, trying hard not to think to that other person who couldn’t stand having his hair messed up.

“You took so long… too long…” Katsu-chan whispered quietly in his ear but it didn’t help his voice sounded older than what Katsu-chan was. “Doesn’t it take an hour to go back and forth from here to that Ichigaya-Dai place? Why did you take so long?”

Sakuma swallowed. Katsu-chan wasn’t supposed to know how long it would take to go back and forth… but maybe he’d been told by someone here. It didn’t have to mean something.

“Sorry. They held me back,” he explained before turning to the other. “I apologize for the confusion, Lieutenant Colonel, and I thank you again for the hospitality but I guess we’ll do better to be on our way now,” he stated giving to Tobisaki and Gamō a meaningful glance.

The two stood immediately, ready to go. Fukumoto moved toward him as well.

“Kaminaga overreacted, Sakuma-san, and ended up causing a misunderstanding. There was nothing for you to apologize,” he stated then gave a firm glance to Kaminaga, a firm glance that was unneeded as Kaminaga nodded without even looking at Fukumoto.

“Ah, yes, it was my fault, I guess. It was… I mean… you can stay a bit longer, right? It’s not like they ordered you to go somewhere, did they? Besides it’s lunchtime. I’m sure Fukumoto won’t mind cooking for you four as well.” Fukumoto nodded readily at that.

“Also, Sakuma-san, do you have a place where to spend the night? There’s space here, isn’t there, Yūki-san?” Jitsui said as well, acting as if he hadn’t been among the ones who had been involved in the scuffle a moment ago.

“Yes, yes, Sakuma-san and his friends should definitely stay here, Emma might enjoy having a child her age to play with,” Amari added even though Katsuhiko showed no interest in playing with Emma, they weren’t exactly of the same age and Emma was a bit fearful of him.

“Yeah, besides we can exchange information. The not reserved ones, of course,” Hatano assured, catching Sakuma’s dark look. “We can tell you what’s going on in the mainland. That could be useful to you and you could tell us more about what you saw in China and through your travel till here.” 

“And Katsuhiko-kun can use Emma-chan’s shampoo!” Amari added with cheer, thinking he had found the perfect bribe. “I’m sure Katsuhiko-kun will like it! I mean…” _‘Miyoshi would have definitely loved it,’_ he almost said but managed to keep that for himself. Not only it wouldn’t probably be a good idea to talk about Miyoshi to Sakuma-san but… Amari forcefully chased away the feeling that Katsuhiko-kun and Miyoshi were somehow connected as he knew better than to think so. The resemblance and the German knowledge were surely coincidences. And yet…

“He can use what?” Sakuma asked in the meantime never having heard the word _‘shampoo’_ before. However Amari was spared from having to explain what it was by Katsu-chan.

“I’m fine with rice water! I don’t care about the German hair soap, Nī-chan, these guys will mess up my hair again!” the child protested. Sakuma sighed. So that was what it was that stuff. Really though, he needed to have a talk with Katsu-chan about not sharing out loud pieces of information that weren’t of common knowledge in Japan. He hadn’t missed the interested gazes of the others as it turned out Katsu-chan knew what that thing was.

“Sakuma-san, I really didn’t mean to mess up his hair! I was trying to be friendly!” Kaminaga protested. “I couldn’t figure out he would react…” _‘like Miyoshi’_ he was about to say. “…that way,” he finished instead and saw Katsuhiko-kun giving him a smouldering glare he had been very familiar with, before the child buried again his face against Sakuma-san’s shoulder.

This was bad, Kaminaga thought. It was highly unlikely that child was related to Miyoshi and yet… Kaminaga too couldn’t help but be reminded of him by Katsuhiko-kun’s behaviour and quirks. That glare, the obsession for his hair, the way he could word things, the unnatural knowledge… those were all things that went to scratch wounds still open.

How could Sakuma-san bear to be around that child, really? Didn’t that resemblance hurt him? Or is it due to it that he wanted to keep little Katsuhiko-kun around? If that was the case… Kaminaga wasn’t sure he would agree. That child wasn’t Miyoshi. Miyoshi was no more and wouldn’t come back. It was much better to let him go that cling to a man who couldn’t return.

“Anyway I swear I won’t try to touch his hair any longer!” Kaminaga vowed.

“Yes, or there will be consequences. Don’t you agree Fukumoto-san?” Jitsui pointed out smiling sweetly. Fukumoto nodded gravely.

“I already said I won’t do it, it was an accident!” Kaminaga protested, feeling cornered. Fukumoto, Kaminaga could understand, but why Jitsui too had to get involved? Kaminaga really had no idea why Jitsui seemed so invested in keeping Sakuma-san here…

“So, really, Sakuma-san, we all think you should stop here. Don’t you also agree, Yūki-san?” Tazaki prodded.

“You already know you’re welcomed to stay,” the man reminded Sakuma, though his gaze was fixed on the child clinging to Sakuma. “It’s not like this little… development affects anything as I’m sure there are older people that should have known how to behave better,” he stated tossing a glance to Kaminaga, Jitsui and Hatano who did their best as to act as if the man wasn’t referring to them. “As I told you before you left, we still have many things to talk about and it’ll make easier to talk about them if you’re here. Besides if you’re staying here, it’ll be faster to clean his hair,” he added turning to look at Sakuma.

Sakuma looked back at him. It wasn’t like he wanted to remain in that place but… he knew there was more behind the invitation than what the others were saying and maybe… maybe accepting to stay would be the right thing, if not for him for the others who were with him. If the army really were not to need them any longer…

“I guess we can stay a little longer if there are no troubles,” he agreed reluctantly. Katsu-chan didn’t complain but gave him a meaningful look. Sakuma stroked his hair soothingly.

“I know, I know, you’re angry at Kaminaga but he promised he’ll keep away from your hair from now on, so it’s not like you’ve to worry. Isn’t that right, Kaminaga?” The look Sakuma-san gave him wasn’t sweet and reminded Kaminaga vaguely of the stern First Lieutenant that had lived with them during their training.

That _‘vaguely’_ … was worrisome in itself. Sakuma-san… had grown older, older than it would be reasonable to expect and he seemed… too tired. No, not tired, he’d seen the man tired in the past, this wasn’t tired, this was…

_‘Changed? No, it hasn’t changed. It died. Japan died and that’s all there’s to it. It’s no more.’_

The memory caused him to almost shudder. Almost.

“Sure. As I said I didn’t mean anything bad,” he said anyway.

Katsuhiko-kun looked at the man with a slightly pouting expression.

“What if he’s lying? What if he…”

“If Kaminaga lied I’m sure he’ll end up regretting it for the rest of his life,” Sakuma assured him and, although he had understood Jitsui and Fukumoto’s veiled threats to Kaminaga should he cause another incident, he didn’t really plan to rely on them to keep Kaminaga in line. He’d been a Lieutenant Colonel in a war zone by too long to consider allowing a Second Lieutenant to do as he pleased. Insubordination wasn’t something that could be allowed when everyone’s life was on the line. “Though you shouldn’t let yourself be scared by this, you know? I’ll fix you your hair for you as many times as you’ll need me to.”

Katsuhiko studied him, searching for any possible sign of deception before returning to hug him tightly. Salvation. This man was salvation for him and warmth and kindness and… and something that started to give him a vague idea of what having someone who care for you could feel and the whole thing just felt too good to put it in words.

“All right, so let’s put Amari’s German soap to use before lunch will be ready,” Sakuma stated. “Amari, does this stuff come with instructions?”

Amari chuckled.

“Follow me, Sakuma-san, I swear to you, it’s not difficult to use and I bet little Katsuhiko-kun here will love it,” he claimed starting to walk out of the kitchen. Sakuma tosses a mere glance to his men who got the message and sat down again as if a scuffle between them and the D Agency members hadn’t just taken place moments before.

“Thanks,” Tobisaki mumbled in Fukumoto’s direction. His thanks weren’t because Fukumoto had worked to keep them there but because, when the fight had started, Fukumoto had actually held back Jitsui, saving them from ending up in numerical disadvantage. Tobisaki wasn’t sure why Fukumoto did so but… he had appreciated the gesture.

“No need to thanks me. Yūki-san wouldn’t have liked for things to degenerate,” Fukumoto replied quietly. Actually Yūki-san had been the farthest thing from his mind in that moment… but he knew better than admit his own weakness… even though he might have to deal with Jitsui later on, as the latter might not have appreciated being stopped. Still Fukumoto couldn’t bring himself to regret moving in Odagiri’s defence.

Tobisaki would have liked to express his thanks better, to tell him he understood Yūki-san hadn’t been his only concern but… he simply missed the words and the strength to do so.

“I could help with lunch preparation if you need it,” he volunteered, even though all he wanted was to lie down on a bed and… sleep until everything had ended.

His offering though, still touched Fukumoto’s heart as he smiled warmly at him.

“You’re guests here. Rest. I’m sure Kaminaga, Hatano and Jitsui will be more than willing to help,” Fukumoto assured.

“Kaminaga too?” Tobisaki’s voice sounded doubtful and not because he didn’t believe Kaminaga would help… but because, from the last he remembered, Kaminaga wasn’t exactly to be trusted in the kitchen.

“Hey! I’ve improved a lot if you’ve to know!” Kaminaga protested.

“Yeah, he almost managed to prepare scones without completely burning them!” Hatano teased. At that point the discussion moved smoothly on meaningless arguments as they waited for lunch to be ready.

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

**1\. Ichigaya (市谷):** As said in the previous chapter the General Staff Headquarters were moved to Ichigaya-dai (市ヶ谷台) on December 1941 along with the Ministry of War, Inspectorate General of Military Training and the Inspectorate General of Aviation, and Ichigaya-dai is located in the Ichigaya area where the Military Preparatory School and the Imperial Army Academy at which Sakuma studied also were (actually, according to some sources, it seems they had placed the GSH exactly inside the same building that had hosted the Military Preparatory School and the Imperial Army Academy). Hence that’s why Sakuma claims to know that area really well.

**2\. Yūki and Sakuma’s chat about Sakuma being a spy:** I like to think everyone realized it’s a flashback to their first dialogue in Ep 1.

**3\. Soldiers being released from duty and Japan keeping its Army:** After Japan’s surrender, soldiers that weren’t necessary to maintain order began to be released from duty. In the end the Allies ordered for the whole Japanese Army to be dismantled.

**4\. Sakuma’s promise to Miyoshi:** Yes, Sakuma promised to Miyoshi he would do his best to try to become a Colonel. If you want to know more about this you might find more details in my fic **‘The Luck of a Sad Goodbye’**

**5\. Army War College and Imperial Army Academy:** Sakuma attended to the Imperial Army Academy but not to the Army War College. To clear things up as there’s a bit of confusion in regard to those two schools in the fandom the Army War College is the school you attend **AFTER** the Imperial Army Academy, after you had graduated from the Imperial Army Academy, had at least two years (but not more than six) of field experience as a lieutenant and had typically achieved the rank of captain. No, after all this you can’t just sign up for admission, you also need to be recommended by your superior officer and pass an entrance exam. The Army War College was viewed as the pinnacle of the Army educational system, it was rather difficult to reach a high ranking if you hadn’t attended to it (but not impossible) and it was the school from which Yūki didn’t want students. Sakuma (and Odagiri), who had only attended to the Imperial Army Academy, were perfectly acceptable and not special exceptions.

**6\. Yūki and Miyoshi:** Yes, in this fic Miyoshi and Yūki had slept together. No, it wasn’t out of love or anything, it was just sex for both parties as they both found the other a convenient sex partner… and obviously, apart from the sex, Miyoshi had gotten nothing out of Yūki from that relation. Yūki would never let this sort of things compromise his judgement or cause him to favour someone.

**7\. ABCD encirclement or ABCD Ēbīshīdī hōijin (ABCD包囲陣):** Also called ABCD line (ABCDライン) it’s the Japanese name given to a series of embargoes against Japan by foreign nations, including **A** merica, **B** ritain, **C** hina, and the **D** utch (hence the name ABCD) which took place in 1940, in an effort to discourage Japanese militarism when these nations (and others) stopped selling iron, steel and oil to Japan, denying it the raw materials needed to continue its activities in China and French Indochina. The Japanese government and the nationalists viewed these embargoes as acts of aggression because imported oil made up about 80% of domestic consumption, without which Japan's economy, let alone its military, would grind to a halt. As a result, faced with the possibility of economic collapse and forced withdrawal from its recent conquests due to the embargoes, the Japanese Imperial General Headquarters began planning for a war with the Western powers in April 1941.

**8\. Yūki’s lack of useful intelligence info:** Actually Yūki had intelligence… but the one he had at the moment simply couldn’t change the situation at hands.

**9\. Japan, America, Indochina and why things went the way they did:** Reasons on why the Pacific war happened are still being discussed so take everything with a grain of salt. What’s known is that America didn’t really want to go to war with Japan and vice versa in the beginning as America was more interested in what was happening in Europe and that, even if an embargo was in place from 1939, it wasn’t very strict but yet damaging enough that it caused Japan to plan invading the Dutch East Indies because they possessed abundant valuable resources, the most important of which were its rubber plantations and oil fields. So, in order to do so, Japan starts taking control of French Indochina. America retaliates by strengthening the embargo which upsets the Japanese further. Meanwhile Japan was left with only a year and a half's worth of oil, making even more urgent to take possession of the Dutch East Indies. However, believing USA would declare war to them if they were to do so, they decided to attack first and the Pearl Harbor attack took place (December 7, 1941).

**10\. Yamamoto Isoroku (山本 五十六):** Japanese Marshal Admiral of the Navy and the commander-in-chief of the Combined Fleet during World War II until his death. He was the commander-in-chief during the decisive early years of the Pacific War and therefore responsible for major battles, such as Pearl Harbor and Midway. He died when American code breakers identified his flight plans and his plane was shot down. His death was a major blow to Japanese military morale during World War II. Yamamoto was the one who proposed to seek a decision with the Americans by first reducing their forces with a preventive strike (the Pearl Harbor attack), and following it with a "decisive battle" fought offensively, rather than defensively. Yamamoto hoped, but probably did not believe, that if the Americans could be dealt terrific blows early in the war they might be willing to negotiate an end to the conflict. However the note officially breaking diplomatic relations with the United States was delivered late, and, due to this, Yamamoto correctly perceived the Americans would be resolved upon revenge and unwilling to negotiate. It’s rumoured he commented this by saying "I fear all we have done today is to awaken a great, sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve" though there’s actually no proof he said so.

**11\. New theory about why the war took place and ‘Blackbird’:** A recent theory speculates that the worsening of relationships between Japan and America as well as their inability of finding an agreement was also due to the work of Vitali Prokhorov (Виталий Прохоров), a Russian spy from the Russian NKVD (People's Commissariat for Internal Affairs), who used Harry Dexter White, senior official in the U.S. Treasury Department, to pressure Roosevelt in worsening the embargo and refusing to negotiate with Prime Minister Prince Konoe Fumimaro (近衞 文麿). No idea if this theory has some basis or it’s just a speculation. All I know is that some judged it controversial and based on fake documents… even if it seems that White really worked as a Russian spy.  
Now… sadly I didn’t have the chance to read **‘Blackbird’** as no kind soul managed to translate it yet but, according to the info on the Japanese webs that were translated with Google translate, Nakane, a D Agency spy, was tasked with finding another spy, due to the request of Hasumi Kōichi second secretary of the Japan Embassy in Washington.  
Long story short I decided to mix the previous theory with the info I had about the **‘Blackbird’** plot, shaker the whole thing and use them for the plot of this chapter. Also, since in **‘Joker Game’** the spies of the NKVD were turned into SMERSH spies, I did the same with Prokhorov (remember, although in the **‘Joker Game’** world SMERSH exists from 1939, the **REAL** SMERSH came into existence at the end of 1942, though officially announced on 14 April 1943 so in real history Prokhorov should have been a NKVD spy…). The result is very likely historically incorrect and also probably not perfectly fitting of the Blackbird plot (but this fic is based on the anime and not always the anime followed strictly the novel) but I ask for your indulgence as this is **CLEARLY** a work of fiction and not an accurate historical account (otherwise D Agency too would have a different name and would have developed rather differently). Please, bear it with me.

**12\. Molotov–Ribbentrop Pact, Operation Otto and the Soviet–Japanese Neutrality Pact:** The Molotov–Ribbentrop Pact was a neutrality pact between Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed in Moscow on 23 August 1939 by foreign ministers Joachim von Ribbentrop and Vyacheslav Molotov, respectively. The pact was meant to last till August 23, 1949 but Germany ended the pact by launching an attack on the Soviet positions in Eastern Poland during Operation Barbarossa on 22 June 1941. As Japan had no idea of Germany's plans of attacking Russia, they also decided to sign the Soviet–Japanese Neutrality Pact on April 13, 1941. It’s noteworthy to mention though that Germany started planning to invade Russia in July 1940, and that the codename for that plan was _‘Operation Otto’_ (it had the same codename of the plan to occupy Austria during the Anschluss in 1938). Miyoshi, according to the anime, died on 13 December 1940 so he might have learnt of that plan… which ironically was authorized by Adolf Hitler on 18 December 1940 (five days after Miyoshi’s death so that info could have been among the info Miyoshi handed him before dying) and renamed Operation Barbarossa (Unternehmen Barbarossa). If that’s the case the fact that the higher up decided to ignore Miyoshi’s work should have made Yūki angry even more. It’s also worth to note that Japan **CONSIDERED** denouncing the Soviet–Japanese Neutrality Pact but ultimately decided otherwise (although it seems they planned to invade Siberia if Germany had managed to cause Stalingrad to fall). It’s also noteworthy how it was Russia who instead denounced the pact on April 5, 1945. While the treaty allowed for the right of denunciation one year before the lapse of the five-year period of operation of the pact, the pact should have remained in force until April 1946 and, when pressed by the Japanese Ambassador Sato Naotake, Molotov confirmed that the treaty was meant to remain in force until April 1946. However on August 9, 1945, just after midnight, the Soviet Union invaded Manchuria. The declaration of war followed **NEARLY SIX HOURS LATER**. Since the time zone difference of 7 hours, the declaration of war could be still dated August 8, 1945, being handed in Moscow at 11 p.m..

**13\. America lending money to Russia and China:** Roosevelt won Congressional approval of the Lend-Lease program enacted on March 11, 1941, which directed massive military and economic aid to Britain and China. In sharp contrast to the loans of World War I, there would be no repayment after the war. Said economic aid was later directed to Russia as well when Russia became a target of Germany’s attacks.

**14\. Germany First:** Better known as “Europe first” was the key element of the grand strategy agreed upon by the United States and the United Kingdom during World War II. According to this policy, the United States and the United Kingdom would use the preponderance of their resources to subdue Nazi Germany in Europe first. This strategy was agreed **PRIOR** to the Japanese attack of Pearl Harbor, during the U.S.–British Staff Conference, a series of secret discussions between United States and British military staff members on American, British and Canadian (ABC) military coordination in the event of U.S. entry into World War II. Japan was considered a minor source of troubles compared to Germany. Of course, after Pearl Harbor, Japan will end up being a major source of troubles even if “Europe first” will remain the main strategy.

**15\. Nobody loves Russia:** Although Russia will end up being one of the Allies powers it wasn’t exactly popular back then. World War 2 starts on 1 September 1939, with Germany’s invasion of Poland, however, short after it, the Phoney period will take place, a time in which only one limited military land operation on the Western Front will take place (the French invasion of Germany's Saar district) and in which, due to the Winter war (a war between the Soviet Union and Finland) also having place (30 November 1939 – 13 March 1940) England and France will consider joining force with Germany (who cares if they were at war with it?) to march against Russia. Then Russia will have a neutrality pact with Germany, which Germany will break to attack Russia. And let’s not forget Japan went at war with Russia more than once. Hence Yūki’s belief nobody is fond of Russia.

**16\. Konoe Fumimaro (近衞 文麿):** His title was Kōshaku (公爵) which is actually a closer equivalent to _‘duke’_ but, in accordance with the system adopted by the Japanese imperial government from the Meiji period through the end of WWII, the official English translation of Konoe's title was _‘prince’_. He was the 34th, 38th and 39th Prime Minister of Japan. He attempted to avoid war with USA and tried more than once to meet up with Roosevelt with this aim however he had no success.

**17\. Nakane Shingo’s death:** As far as I know no, in Blackbird isn’t said Nakane ended up on dying, he just ended up on being arrested. The death part is something I made up. Just so you know in this fic Nakane belongs to a new batch of trained spies, not to our batch. No idea if the same applies in the novel.

**18\. Japan’s war declaration:** We know that the attack at Pearl Harbor started on 7 December 1941 at 7:48 a.m. Hawaiian Standard Time. 7 December was a **SUNDAY**. Since Washington is 6 hours forward compared to Hawaii it means in Washington it was 13:48 a.m. when the attack started. Which means that the notification was delivered on Sunday morning, when the embassy was short on personnel due to the day being Sunday. Transcribing the message took too long for the Japanese ambassador to deliver it on schedule; in the event, it was not presented until more than an hour after the attack began. In fact, U.S. code breakers had already deciphered and translated most of the message hours before he was scheduled to deliver it so that Roosevelt could read their translated version apparently **TWELVE HOURS BEFORE THE ATTACK TOOK PLACE** (Japan you really needed to speed up your translation speed at the time…). To further make the thing more troublesome the message wasn’t very clear about it being a declaration of war as it says: _‘Thus the earnest hope of the Japanese Government to adjust Japanese-American relations and to preserve and promote the peace of the Pacific through cooperation with the American Government has finally been lost. The Japanese Government regrets to have to notify hereby the American Government that in view of the attitude of the American Government it cannot but consider that it is impossible to reach an agreement through further negotiations.’_ which to some felt just as an end to negotiations, not a declaration of war (this didn’t include Roosevelt and his advisor Harry Hopkins apparently as it seems they commented “This means war” as soon as they read the message). Anyway it was a mess and to make matters worse Japan printed a decent _‘declaration of war by the Empire of Japan on the United States and the British Empire’_ on December 8, 1941 (Japan time; December 7 in the United States but it was still past the time the attack took place) on its newspapers, without bothering to deliver them to America (and maybe it’s just me but I don’t think the protocol allow you to deliver a war declaration by newspaper). Still, behind this mess there are probably also some of the Army and Navy higher up as some of them were **STRONGLY** against warning America about the war declaration prior to the attack. Anyway it was a mess.

**19\. Hiroshima, the smell of burnt corpses and shadows:** For days and days after the bombing of Hiroshima the corpses of the deceased and the corpses of those who kept on dying **AFTER** the bombing in a rather horrible way due to the consequences of the bombing kept on being cremated. It seems the smell was horrid. The blast also caused some human shadows (and not only human) to remain etched in stone. At the time it was believed that believe that the bodies causing the shadows had vaporized immediate after the bombing. This though isn’t supported by a medical perspective as, despite the heat caused by the explosion, at least the bones and the carbonized organs should have remained.

**20\. Odagiri and alcohol:** There’s an official art of a Chibi Odagiri completely plastered. From here came the speculation Odagiri can’t hold alcohol well.

**21\. “I cannot believe that you / Are far away / For I can / Never forget you / And thus your face / Is always before me.”:** It’s a poem contained in **‘Ise Monogatari’** (伊勢物語“Tale of Ise”), a collection of poems and associated narratives, dating from the Heian period. The current version collects 125 sections, with each combining poems and prose, giving a total of 209 poems in most versions. It’s unknown when exactly was written and who’s the author but it’s speculated the author could be Ariwara no Narihira (825–880) as thirty of the poems in it are known to be his… though as the book contains also works written past Narihita’s death this seems to be impossible. The poems in it combines these themes: the sense of loss at leaving the capital, viewed as the only place of society and culture; longing for lost loves; and the beauty of the natural environment.

**22\. Shampoo in 1945:** The word shampoo entered the English language from India during the colonial era. It dates to 1762, and is derived from the Hindi word chāmpo (चाँपो [tʃãːpoː]). It seems using shampoo was introduced in Britain in 1814 but it was made by boiled shaved soap in water and adding herbs. In 1927, liquid shampoo was invented by German inventor Hans Schwarzkopf in Berlin, whose name created a shampoo brand sold in Europe. Modern shampoo as it is known today was first introduced in the 1930s with Drene, the first shampoo using synthetic surfactants instead of soap which was produced in USA. I couldn’t find the exact date in which shampoo was introduced in Japan but I guess it wasn’t yet by 1945, which is why Sakuma had never heard of such thing. Prior to the use of shampoo though Japanese and Chinese people washed their hair with rice water. Now… Amari clearly gets the shampoo for Emma by illegal means… but he spoils her like that. As for Miyoshi he got acquainted with the German version of shampoo during his stay in Berlin and this is a knowledge he passed to Katsu-chan.

**23\. Kaminaga, cooking and scones:** In one of the drama cd Miyoshi and Kaminaga are in the cooking club with Fukumoto but… they don’t cook at all, they only eat the food Fukumoto cooks. From here my headcanon Kaminaga isn’t really good at cooking. A scone is a typical English, single-serving quick bread/cake, usually made of wheat, or oatmeal with baking powder as a leavening agent and baked on sheet pans. A scone is often lightly sweetened and occasionally glazed with egg wash. I’ve assumed Kaminaga picked up how to make them (sort of) while he was in England.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay… hum… I hope everyone who started to read this chapter survived to the historical references and to the historical artistic licences I took in some points. Sorry about all this but, plot wise, I think it was important to know what D Agency did during the war that could have changed things had things gone the way Yūki wanted them to go.
> 
> If it can be of some small consolation it was hell for me to research everything as well but Miyoshi’s death came exactly at the perfect time for him to just have handed Yūki the Germans’ plans in regard to Russia… and the whole Russian spy theory worked beautifully with the little I know of **‘Blackbird’** so I really wanted to use it. The anime completely overlooked **‘Blackbird’** but I thought it was important to show that Yūki was actually attempting to do something in relation to improve the situation with America.
> 
> Also please, don’t kill me, if I had Miyoshi sleep with Yūki but I thought it would be a convenient bed partner for him as, differently from Amari, he wasn’t in a position in which it was exactly easy to find some… and also forgive me if you instead are a Yūki/Miyoshi shipper because their relationship wasn’t a romantic one. For them it was just convenient sex, even though they’re both fond of each other.
> 
> If you’re wondering why Sakuma is so accepting of such relationship is because despite the times they’re in Sakuma is… old school. Long, long story very, very short (which is meant to be developed more in **‘A learning experience’** ) in the past in Japan it was okay for a samurai to have a relationship with his apprentice that would cause them both to improve each other as samurai. So, since Miyoshi is Yūki’s student Sakuma somehow still sees a relationship between the two as a way for Miyoshi to learn from Yūki… where he, despite being older than Miyoshi, would have nothing valuable he could teach him, hence he also sees himself as unfit to have a relationship with him… never mentioning all the other problems like his fiancé or the fact that Miyoshi didn’t seem serious when making moves toward him. LOL, Sakuma is a complicate guy.
> 
> And yes, Kaminaga didn’t want to be mean with little Katsuhiko, he actually wanted to ruffle his hair in a friendly gesture… Katsuhiko merely misunderstood his action and reacted to it negatively. Poor Kaminaga is really having a bad day… though Katsuhiko’s presence, or better how badly he resembles Miyoshi, is subconsciously affecting Kaminaga and causing him to slip. Really, it’s not easy for him either.


End file.
